If Your Partner's Snoring Is Driving You F*cking Crazy, Here's A Tip

by Cassandra Stone

Serious snoring could actually mean sleep apnea is to blame

Snoring is the kind of thing that can turn a sane, rational human being into a stabby, ragey, sleep-deprived monster. Anyone with a husband is probably reading this and already nodding a long, feeling the stabby rage bubbling up in their gut even thinking about it. One mom gets it — she so gets it — but she also wants to remind us all that sometimes loud snoring can mean something more serious.

Meredith Masony of the popular blog That’s Inappropriate recently shared her own Spousal Snoring Saga on Facebook, and it’s incredibly relatable for anyone who shares a bed with a snorer. It’s also kind of eye-opening about how serious snoring can actually be.

“Sleep is so important,” Masony writes. “Without sleep, we become moody, less productive, perhaps dare I say angry. My husband snores. He has for years. A few years ago I forced him to the doctor to get checked out because I was on the verge of running away or smothering him in his sleep.”

PREACH. And why is it the snoring always kicks in right when you’re finally getting cozy and dozy? Ugh. Masony says her husband’s snoring not only kept her awake, it actually forced her to the couch more often than not. Eventually, a trip to the doctor resulted in a sleep apnea diagnosis. Which is so much more than just loud snoring.

“Sleep apnea means that he actually stops breathing while he sleep,” she writes. “Not breathing while you sleep can lead to high blood pressure, increased risk of stroke and heart attack, and other heath issues.”

This is true. And scary. Especially when it comes to cardiac troubles. Sleep apnea is diagnosed when someone stops breathing for 10 seconds or longer, at least five times per hour, during sleep. According to research performed by Cleveland Clinic, sleep apnea causes abnormal heart rhythms, which can lead to sudden cardiac death. This lowers oxygen levels and changes the pressure in the chest when the upper airway closes, which stresses the heart.

Luckily, there are special breathing masks people with sleep apnea can wear to help them sleep better, breathe better, and reduce the risk of serious health complications.

“This device has helped tremendously. He was sleeping better. I was sleeping better. I wanted to Kill him less. It is a medical marvel.” LOL. Indeed. A win-win all around.

Except for the fact that Masony’s husband’s mask stopped working properly. Commence the one-way trip to Stabby Snore Town.

“I haven’t slept well, if at all for over a week now. I love my husband but I am currently feeling very murdery.”

Oh, can I relate. My husband is a big guy. Like 6’5″, 350 pounds big. He also has a big, barrel chest that is great for snuggling but awful for sound sleeping, as it just presses up against his jugular when he lies down. Honestly, it sounds like my husband’s own body is strangling him in his sleep. Which, in turn, keeps me awake and makes me want to finish the strangle job myself. Does he have sleep apnea? Probably. I’m no physician, but if I were a betting woman, this would be a “sure thing.” I shuffle into the guest room (which is really the dog’s room) more often than I care to just so I can get some damn sleep. Basically he keeps me up more than our daughter ever did as a newborn. STAB STAB STABBY STAB.

Because men are notoriously stubborn about medical issues, Masony says her husband has yet to go back to the doctor to get his mask fixed. Kinda like my own ball and chain has yet to go to a doctor to get diagnosed so he can wear that Bane-from-Batman looking contraption that will deliver us all from his snoring hell. She ends her post with a solid reminder: keeping our husbands healthy makes us want to harm them less.

“If your spouse snores get them checked by a doctor. Sleep apnea is serious. Not only do you want to kill them, but they literally dying in their sleep. Tag your snoring spouse and tell them you love them.”