Help the middle child in your life feel pampered and special with this hilarious candle
It’s the holiday season and for a middle child, it’s just one more chance to get passed over and ignored while the oldest and youngest kids receive all the glory and attention. Probably better gifts too. While the needy youngest kids hog the spotlight and the oldest bosses everyone around the Christmas dinner table, the middle child is just waiting for their moment in the sun. Spoiler alert: it will never come. But at least now they can have their own candle to feel special? Kind of?
Whiskey River Soap Co is the genius company behind A Candle For The Middle Child. “Largely invisible scent,” the label reads. “Go ahead and dye your hair purple. No one will notice.”
Sick burn, candle. (See what I did there?) But like, where’s the lie? While mom and dad are busy being impressed by their perfect eldest child and distracted by the constant bullshit from the youngest, the middle kid is kind of unattended and allowed to do whatever because no one’s watching. No one’s ever watching.
Luckily, the middle child can have the last laugh and gift their irritating youngest and know-it-all oldest siblings candles that highlight both of their life-long truths.
“Smells like an afterthought. Why are you always in the way?” the label reads. As I remember my youngest sibling relegated to the spare cot or fold-out sofa on every vacation we ever went on (hotel rooms for a family of five are rough, y’all) this just rings extremely true.
The first child gets all the jealousy of the rest of the siblings with this candle’s on point caption: “Smells like you’re just more important. You had to have your own candle, didn’t you.”
As a loud and proud first child, I answer for us all with a resounding (and super know-it-all) YES.
Now as the entire family gathers for the holidays (including your Trump-y uncle with his MAGA hat and Confederate flag belt buckle) you and your siblings might decide to take a few tequila shots. Petty squabbles between you forgotten, you’re now banding together to just get through Christmas dinner without losing your shit. The next morning, you’ll want to set your differences aside and light this Hangovers candle. “Smells like hair of the dog,” it reads. “And don’t talk to me again until I’m on my second Bloody Mary.” Roger that.
You guys might drive each other nuts, but at the end of the day, you’re playing for the same team. Most the time.
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