From The Confessional: I've Had It With The MLM Schemes

by Cassandra Stone
Originally Published: 
business woman work at home for online shopping
Visoot Uthairam/Getty

If you’ve had it with the MLM “hunbots” harassing you and hitting up your DMs for their latest scheme, you’re not alone

Ah, the multi-level marketing scheme. You know them — they’re disguised as #GIRLBOSS initiatives, where women can “be their own boss” but really end up paying a fortune in start-up costs with very little sustainable financial reward. Not to mention the recruitment process, right? One woman recruits a bunch of women who then recruit a bunch more women…hmm, if all these women were stacked according to their recruiter/recruits, what shape would they all make? WEIRD!

Anyway, these often predatory MLM schemes that prey on vulnerable women (usually moms) who are desperately looking to make money while staying at home with their children because the U.S. is a capitalistic nightmare that hates parents and non-men, are everywhere. EVERYWHERE. And these confessions show that many of us have HAD. IT.

Oh my fucking GAWD, if one more of my idiot friends invites me to their MLM bullshit I'm going to LOSE IT! I don't want your $50 measuring cups, or $200 frying pan so fuck off!

Confessional #25784388

It's sad that I have to say I'm happy when someone invites me to a MLM party. That way I can decline. It's nicer than being invited to a "girls night" only to find out it's a MLM party once I'm there. That behavior really is a friendship ending move.

Confessional #24254740

Beach body? Check. Pampered Chef? Check. Younique? Check. Arbonne? Check. Stella & Dot? Check. Amway? Check. LuLaRoe? Yep. Rodan + Fields? You betcha. Herbalife? Uh-huh. Thrive? Yeah. doTerra? You better DO AWAY with your oils in place of modern medicine.

We’ve all been invited to these parties. We’ve all declined invites to these parties. We’ve all groaned while being guilted into attending one of these parties. We’ve all perused the items for sale and wondered, “Who the f*ck spends $62 on a vegetable slicer?”

I cringe when I get an invite to someone's mlm party. All I think is you want me to buy lots of overpriced stuff I don't need so you can get free overpriced stuff you probably don't need. No thanks

Confessional #24252439

A close friend is selling MLM makeup. I want to support her and I know she could really use the extra income, but $50 for eyeshadow WTF. Is that shit made from the rarest gems only found in unicorn tails or something?

Confessional #23342036

My make-up selling FB friends always post the same crap. They all JUST DISCOVERED THAT EYELASH BUGS ARE A THING! Or YOU SHOULD GET NEW MASCARA EVERY 2 MONTHS! Or they LOVE WASHING THEIR FACE NOW! I can't stand the MLM lemming culture. It's so phony,

Confessional #23179127

Have you ever gotten an email or a DM from someone trying to recruit you or have you host a party? Condolences, because it’s so annoying. Especially when, 9/10, the person trying to get you to spend money you don’t have has been spending money they don’t have so the lady above them can drive a nice car and travel the globe on their MLM’s dime.

Unfollowed my MLM bossbabe neighbor on FB. Now's she's texting me. I don't want your ugly overpriced shit! Leave me alone!

Confessional #21489872

I fucking LOATHE MLM businesses. I said no to hosting, twice, and the stupid bitch is still asking me. "No pressure though! ❤ I think you would be an amazing host! And you'd get free stuff! I noticed that you had a lot of stuff in your wish list." GTFO.

Confessional #20995288

Sure, you can feel empathy for anyone just trying to hustle some extra money in this economy. Especially moms who just want to be home with their kids, or don’t have access or opportunity to much else.

I've never met a person that got into an MLM that wasn't looking for a way out of the corporate rat race, their marriage, or both. Therefore no matter how they act, I will never fault them for trying to get free. Everyone deserves to thrive in life.

Confessional #20998287

But that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to buy their shit.

If you invite me to something and are up front that it'll be a sales pitch for your MLM stuff, you annoy me. If you're deceptive about it and say we ought to do lunch and "catch up", you are dead to me. I'll walk out on you and we'll never speak again.

Confessional #20992607

Let it be known, these ladies can push like no one’s business. They will not REST until everyone in their contacts list has signed over their firstborn child for some tree bark oil, a get-thin-quick scam, or $80 foundation.

Girl I know used her baby in the NICU to boost her MLM sales. That to me is worse than any of this Brett Kavanaugh stuff.

Confessional #18026582

I would literally rather become a prostitute than sell MLM products. Prostitution is far more honest.

Confessional #17512712

Friends, family, and acquaintances used the stillbirth of my baby to try and sell me MLM stuff and get me to become part of their downline. Nobody knows how used I feel. I’m too broken to publically shame them for it and to fight back...for now.

Confessional #15541069

May the MLM eventually be as unnecessary as the “Girl Boss” narrative. Until then, please stop scamming your friends and acquaintances who don’t want to be scammed.

Hate to be catty but I can’t stand these brainwashed MLM “boss babes on social media. You aren’t an entrepreneur - You’re selling awful diets and “buttereeeeh leggings” to desperate people with no common sense. Leave us alone already!”

Confessional #15149331

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