Badass Australian mum gives birth to record-setting 13.5 pound baby with no epidural
Let’s just start with the obvious: childbirth hurts. A lot. Pushing something the size of a tiny pumpkin out of something the size of a strawberry defies logic. It can’t be accomplished without helluva lot of swearing and maybe even a few drugs. But pushing something the size of an extra-large watermelon out of your lady hole? Well, my vagina hurts just thinking about it.
Natashia Corrigan of Melbourne, Australia apparently has a vagina as pliable as silly putty because she somehow squeezed a three-month old man-child through her hoohah – without an epidural. Can someone please get this woman a crown bejeweled with crystalized unicorn tears? Because she broke all kinds of records and is the Queen of Magic Vaginas, Ruler of the Republic of Labia.
According to Australia’s 7 News First, Corrigan was told that her baby would be on the heavier side, but she had no idea just how big until Brian Jr. was born in January.
“I think I was in a bit of shock because the birth was natural,” Corrigan told the local media. “I only had gas so I was still in a bit of shock just from that.”
Yes, you read that right. She birthed a 13.5-pound baby naturally. As in, without an epidural. I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in, and then another minute for your cervix to unclench because – sweet baby Jesus in a Mobi wrap – I’m reaching for the inflatable donut just thinking about it.
“I’ve always wanted a little fat baby and I’ve got a big one!” Corrigan told 7News after the delivery. Note to self: be careful what you wish for. Brian Jr. was born at twice the national average and weighed in at the size of an average three-month old.
According to her Facebook page, Corrigan and her family – including baby Brian – are healthy and doing a-okay.
Corrigan thanked her doctors and nurses at Mercy Hospital in Victoria, and credited “the power of positive thinking during birth” for her au natural labor and delivery.
“Be positive, breath deep.”
We bow to you, Mama Corrigan. Even if our lady bits need a minute to recover.