Moms Are More Stressed Than Dads, Says Most Obvious Study In The History Of Ever

by Maria Guido
Originally Published: 
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Moms are less happy and more stressed than Dads, says team of researchers from Captain Obvious University

A team of researchers from Cornell University, the University of Minnesota, and Minnesota Population Center have determined that mothers are less happy than fathers with their parenting duties. It turns out doing fucking EVERYTHING is a lot more stressful than not doing fucking everything.

“Researchers have used time diary data to find that mothers are less happy than fathers with their parenting duties,” the study says. “Mothers report more stress and greater fatigue than fathers. This experience gap is attributed to the differing tasks of each parent.”

“Differing tasks.” LOL. Translation, one person is doing everything, the other person is not.

What’s that, you say? It’s 2016 and men are rallying against stereotypical gender roles in the home? Mkay. Think of the last time your kid had a fever. Who stayed up with that kid all night? Now think of the last time your fridge was filled. Insurance papers were filled out. New book bags were chosen. Old clothes were rotated out of their drawers and donated. Who was the last parent to remember a child needed a new toothbrush? Who attended the PTA meeting?

“The good news from our study is that parents generally enjoy being with their kids,” said University of Minnesota researcher Ann Meier, “but the bad news is that mothers enjoy it less than fathers because they do more of the ‘work’ and less of the ‘fun’ parenting tasks.”

That’s a nice way of saying mothers are fucking doing everything, and it’s annoying as hell.

Sleep also had an effect on parents’ differing levels of happiness. As in, moms aren’t getting any. Refer to fever question above. “Mothers are more likely than fathers to be called on by kids ‘around the clock.’ Fathers’ sleep and down-time are less likely than mothers’ to be interrupted by kids. This is part of the reason fathers are less tired than mothers when parenting.”

Oh, well. At least mothers are endlessly celebrated for doing things like walking their kids to school and putting their daughter’s hair in a ponytail.

Oh wait — that’s fathers. Never mind.

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