If I read one more article about how moms are too tired for sex, I’m going to tear my hair out. I have two small kids and I’m tired. We all are. But you know what? I’m also a mom who very much still enjoys sex.
Am I in a state of permanent exhaustion? Yes. Do I feel touched-out some days? Sure. But none of that means I’m no longer a sexual person. In fact, making time for quality sex helps me feel more refreshed and puts me in a better mood all around.
I understand that libido ebbs and flows, and that sometimes we’re just not in the mood and that’s nothing to feel ashamed about. There might be a medical conditions that make sex difficult or painful. That happens, and women should never feel pressured to have sex.
But if you want to get your mom groove back, here are a few suggestions:
1. Be open and honest about your needs and desires.
I’ve read articles about the art of the quickie and how husbands who finish quickly make the best husbands. For whom, exactly? Can women please stop making sex about making sure their husband gets off while ignoring their own needs?
Yes, I love sex, but I play to win.
I’ve been having sex for a long time now. I know what I like and am not afraid to tell my husband exactly what I want. Don’t be afraid to be assertive about what you like. Your partner will appreciate it, I assure you.
2. Be confident.
My body is not quite the temple it once was, so sometimes it’s tough to feel sexy. There’s a lot of insecurity about how some bits are slightly saggy or extra jiggly. But assuming your partner is not a total piece of shit, they will appreciate every part of you regardless. Dim the lights if it makes you feel better, but own your body. Fake it till you make it, because there’s nothing sexier than confidence.
3. Make time.
It takes women longer to orgasm than men (shocking, I know), and it takes moms even more time to switch gears. It’s not easy to turn off our brains when we’re busy trying to remember allofthethings like practices and conferences and PTA meetings.
Making time for foreplay is everything.
So I suppose the next question is where are we supposed to find all this magical, non-existent time? In the world of parenthood, alone time is a rare and precious resource that is typically devoted to getting some (any) sleep.
There are days when, once I hit the bed, all I want to do is sleep. On those nights, when my husband and I still want time for sex, we will set a timer for the middle of the night, so that we can wake up slightly more rested and still have time to really enjoy each other’s company while the kids are asleep in their rooms. Setting the timer for the middle of the night might not work for everyone, but setting an alarm for a little earlier in the morning just might do the trick.
4. Get creative.
It’s not easy to make time for sex once you’re a parent. As I said, setting a timer for the middle of the night is one way. If you have a babysitter or relative who is willing to watch the kids at their house, that’s another way to clear some time in your schedule. I know some couples who make time to knock boots while the kids are at school. Hey, whatever works.
Finding time to reconnect isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. Our relationship is better when we both feel fulfilled sexually.
Moms are great at putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own. We are constantly making sacrifices for the people we love. But we don’t need to sacrifice an enjoyable sex life. We can love our families and still make time for our own needs and desires. Not to mention that your relationship with your partner will be that much stronger with a little sexy time too.