It’s no secret that over time we (men and women) tend to lose some of our zest for things that go down in the bedroom. I’ve talked to several women who don’t feel as hot under their hood now that the honeymoon is over and they have a busy family.
Hell, I’ve been there too.
There have been times when it’s the absolute last thing on my mind, and even if I was watching Magic Mike, being spoon fed chocolate and peanut butter while being massaged dangerously close to my lady parts, I wouldn’t be able to get woman wood because I’m tired as fuck. And apparently I’m not alone.
There are many reasons why, in long-term relationships, both sexes lose interest in knocking boots, but a new study in the journal BMJ Open which surveyed 4,839 men and 6,669 women from ages 16–74 and found 15% of men and 34.2% of women just weren’t that into getting it on for at least three months (or more) out of the year.
While the reasons for a low libido in in a long-term relationship can include health issues, age, and depression, there seems to be a reason why more than double the amount of women aren’t craving any in-and-out. And all fingers point to being too damn tired.
The study reported for women “having been pregnant in the last year was associated with lacking sexual interest as was having one or more young child(ren) (women only).” Well, no Shit Sherlock.
If you think I am going to pull the “women are too tired for sex because we have tiny humans nagging and pulling at us all day, or as soon as we get home from work,” then you are right — I absolutely am. There is a reason so many women lose their libido a bit (or a lot) after having kids. Sometimes there is zero energy left to please our partner after a day of making sure everyone else has what they need. Would we rather get some extra sleep than have sex sometimes? Hell yes.
Listen, sex is wonderful. Women love orgasms, and our bodies need sex too. But there is a reason why we go through stages when we just don’t want it, and it should be an indicator of just how damn tired we actually are.
The study reports having kids may be a game-changer for women but not men because women are exhausted as they tend to have “the primary caring role” and their “daily stress” has a greater impact on their libido than it has on a man’s sex drive. Another reason is it’s difficult for women to change their focus from being a nurturing mother during the day and then turn into a stimulated sex kitten at night.
However, for both men and women, poor communication and emotional connection played a huge factor in their sexual desire — so the next time you are too exhausted to spring into action and have relations with your partner, talk to them about why you are feeling less than sexy and may need the night off instead of ignoring the problem and letting it turn into resentment.
Sometimes a night or two (or a week) of straight-up cuddling and being heard is all us ladies need in order to get our sexy back. There is nothing more alluring than being understood, fellas. Let us rest.