Remember when you first met your partner and getting busy was part of your daily cardio? Date night usually meant dinner, a movie, and a little nookie. You didn’t even have to be home to get it on, because where there’s a will there’s probably a vacant dressing room or a back seat.
During the honeymoon phase, it felt like you were always in the mood. But then life moves forward and the next thing you know, you have three kids, a busy career, and you can’t keep your eyes open past 9 p.m. Not that your sex life is dead, but it’s not exactly the same as those “peel your clothes off” days when you first met. Now you like the idea of getting it on, but just don’t seem to have that old-time desire to actually get it on.
Here are the top 9 reasons why moms might not be feeling it:
1. Can We Get a Little Privacy, Please?
Once you become a parent, privacy is a thing of the past. If you want to shower, you’ll probably be doing it with an audience, or at least several unnecessary interruptions. We’ve all been asked to open a snack while washing our hair, but opening a snack for your kid when you’re trying to be sexy is a total mood killer.
2. A Major Case of Mom Brain
Turning off your mom brain can be harder than it sounds, and nothing dampens the mood like worrying about that weird-colored poop the baby had early that day. Not being able to stop thinking about life and start thinking about getting frisky can definitely dampen the mood.
3. Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD)
We all have times we aren’t in the mood, but if you haven’t been in the mood for several months or even years or you’re bothered by your lack of lust, you may be experiencing HSDD.1,2 HSDD can leave you feeling hopeless, disappointed, and ashamed, and it’s actually pretty common — lots of US women experience it (approximately 1 in 10 actually!).3-5 Check out unblush to learn more and connect with other women just like you.
4. You Haven’t Slept Since 2011
As sad as it is, for some of us, sleep trumps sex. It only takes a couple sleepless nights and you’re ready to trade your husband for a few hours of quality shut-eye.
5. You’re a Busy Woman
Between your career, your kids’ activities, and your responsibilities as a mother, you’re booked from sunrise to sunset. Finding the time to have sex can feel like one more item on your already overflowing plate, and nothing kills the mood faster than feeling obligated to do it.
6. You Don’t Feel Sexy
There are a million reasons you might not feel sexy, but sexual desire disorders like HSDD can have a huge impact on your body image.6
7. Shampoo, Shower, Shave, Oh My!
Listen, being clean isn’t a requirement to get busy, but sometimes being unshowered or unshaven can totally kill the vibe.
8. You Legit Have a Headache (or Some Other Random Illness Your Kids Probably Gave You)
Listen, sometimes we really have a headache, and if we aren’t feeling well, we certainly aren’t feeling frisky.
9. He Made You Mad
No, you aren’t using sex as a weapon or a punishment, but if you’re mad at your partner, it’s unlikely you are in the mood. (Until the makeup sex that is.)
There are plenty of reasons moms aren’t feeling it. After all, this job isn’t for the faint of heart. We’re exhausted, people! Being a mom is serious business, but a healthy sex life is important, too.7,8 If you haven’t been in the mood for a while, you may be experiencing low desire which happens to us all from time to time.9 However, if it’s been a while and you are bothered by your lack of desire, you are not alone, and there is help available.10 Check out unblush to learn more.
unblush gives women the straightforward facts about Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder so they can get the help they need. If you’re currently experiencing low sexual desire, talk to your doctor about treatment options and check out unblush for more information.
1. Goldstein SR, Kingsberg SA, Simon JA. Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD): a primer for clinicians. OBG Manag. 2016 (suppl): S1-S4. https://www.mdedge.com/sites/default/files/obgm_worldclasssuppl_1016.pdf. Accessed March 26, 2019.
2. Kingsberg SA. Attitudinal survey of women living with low sexual desire. J Womens Health. 2014;23(10):817-823.
3. Goldstein I, Kim NN, Clayton AH, et al. Hypoactive sexual desire disorder: International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health (ISSWSH) expert consensus panel review. Mayo Clin Proc. 2017;92(1):114-128.
4. Leiblum SR, Koochaki PE, Rodenberg CA, et al. Hypoactive sexual desire disorder in postmenopausal women: US results from the Women’s International Study of Health and Sexuality (WISHeS). Menopause. 2006;13(1):46-56.
5. Kingsberg SA, Clayton AH, Pfaus JG. The female sexual response: current models, neurobiological underpinnings and agents currently approved or under investigation for the treatment of hypoactive sexual desire disorder. CNS Drugs. 2015;29(11):915-933.doi:10.1007/s40263-015-0288-1.
6. Clayton AH, Goldstein I, Kim NN, et al. The International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health process of care for management of hypoactive sexual desire disorder in women. Mayo Clin Proc. 2018;93(4):467-487.
7. Cleveland Clinic. Let’s talk aobut sex and intimacy: find your lost libido. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/transcripts/1352_let-s-talk-about-sex-and-intimacy-find-your-lost-libido. Published February 14, 2012. Accessed March 26, 2019.
8. Mayo Clinic. Healthy lifestyle: sexual health. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/sexual-health/basics/sexual-health-basics/HLV-20049432?p=1 Published August 17, 2017. Accessed March 26, 2019.
9. International Society for Sexual Medicine. Sexual Health Q&A: What is hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) in women? What causes it? https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-is-hsdd. Accessed March 26, 2019.
10. American Sexual Health Association. Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/?s=hsdd. Accessed July 17, 2019.
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