New Year’s Eve used to mean excitement, partying, and possibilities for the year to come. As a parent, there are still possibilities — they just kind of suck.
Your kid will possibly have a meltdown if you take him to a party. Or a diaper blowout if you try going out to dinner anywhere remotely nice. It’s possible you won’t even try leaving the house and both you and your partner will be snoozing on the couch by 9pm. Luckily, the parents of Twitter totally get it and are here to make you laugh through the misery of New Year’s Eve post-kids.
1. How things change.
Your 20-year-old self would die if she knew the highlight of your 2017 New Year’s would be the “Noon Year’s Eve” party your playgroup is throwing.
2. Just give up hope now.
Nothing’s going to change. The sooner we accept it, the easier it will be. Wine also helps.
Although your toddler’s constant night wakings might mean you see the ball drop after all.
4. Such fun.
There’s still a shitload of Christmas mess and now we’re expected to party? The kids go back to school in 48 hours, we need to get the house back in order and this is literally our only chance.
Maybe next year, moms. Maybe next year.
6. Might make it to 10:30.
Just hoping to make it through dinner, TBH.
We hear Netflix might be able to help. We can’t do anything about the sun still being up, though. That will require blackout curtains or actual sorcery.
8. Festive AF.
When it comes to germs, kids love to share and their stupid viruses definitely know no holiday. Enjoy your hacking cough while your child-free friends live it up. These are such precious years.
Nothing is special and everything is special all at once. This is so real it hurts.
Hey, everyone’s awake together as a family. Yay?
11. It’s all a blur.
Can we just cancel the whole week and do nothing until the ball drops?
12. Sign us up.
The party that ends at 10 is the best party of all. Actually, the party that ends at 10 on your couch is the best party of all.
13. Don’t be like Mommy.
Do as we say, not as we do, kids. Now pass the Cool Ranch Doritos.
14. We’re full of regret.
If it looks like a great idea while scrolling Pinterest at 2 am, just set down your phone. Nothing you find on Pinterest at 2 am will end well.
15. We tried.
Our hopes are high, our expectations are low. Happy New Year, parents!