The older I get, the less tolerance I have for bullshit and drama. I just don’t have the time or energy for it. When it comes to making new friends, I appreciate full-transparency from the get-go. If you’re a messy person who forgets class parties and has a permanent mountain of laundry on your sofa, own it. (And if I just described you we would probably be great friends by the way, because I’m a fellow messy person.)
Things get complicated when you try to present yourself as something you aren’t. It all comes out eventually, so don’t try to pretend. People will love you for you, and if they don’t, those aren’t your people.
If adulthood has taught me anything, it’s that we already have enough to worry about. Trying to navigate a complex friendship is just not something I’m interested in, because literally everything else is more important than your drama, Linda. And also, friendships shouldn’t be complex or require navigation in the first place. If they do, you are probably forcing something that isn’t meant to be.
True friends fit into your life with ease. They are like family, really. If there are unintentional upsets or hurt feelings, you work through them and move on. Most of my closest friends are like brothers and sisters—and sometimes we have disagreements like brothers and sisters. It’s totally cool, we don’t expect perfection from each other, because no one is perfect. We allow grace for one another, and we apologize when we need to.
I have a lot of friends, but not many close friends, and honestly, I prefer it that way. I like to keep my circle small. My close friends are sassy and sarcastic, and OMG, do they make me laugh! That’s our thing—we like to laugh, and we don’t do drama.
That’s the beauty of friendship. You get to pick who you surround yourself with. You don’t have to be friends with someone just because your kids are on the same soccer team. Of course, I would strongly encourage you to be kind to everyone, even the drama llamas, but you don’t have to share a girl’s night out with anyone if you don’t want to. See? Easy.
I don’t worry that my friends might talk about me behind my back. If they had something to say, I have full confidence they would bring it to my attention, in a private setting, sans drama. We are “call it like we see it” people, but we aren’t mean-spirited or hateful. We just politely take no bullshit.
Honesty and authenticity is what it’s all about. I don’t care if you have kids or a spouse. I don’t care how old you are, where you live, or how much money you make. Gay, straight, polka-dotted, or striped—I don’t care. I only care that you are real, that you are kind, and that you don’t spend your leisure time stirring pots and poking bears.
Don’t ask for prayers or publicly fret about an undisclosed ailment on social media. Don’t update your status with nothing more than a “nervous” emoji. If you need to me throw up some prayers to the Big Guy, I got you, Boo, but it feels unneccesarily dramatic to ask 421 Facebook friends to pray for you at 3:15 on Tuesday, with no explanation. Why don’t you just post, “Someone ask me why I’m upset. I need to talk about it. I’d like some attention for my [insert random problem.]”
I don’t need my friends to be just like me. In fact, I prefer that they aren’t like me. Because I need people in my life who are different than me—we all do, if I’m being honest. Different forces us to consider ideas different from our own. I’m open to pretty much anything, but drama is a deal breaker. I just can’t. You can be the greatest person roaming this earth, but if you are all about the drama, I’m gonna have to pass.