F You To Those Who Couldn't Care Less About Nut Allergies

by Jill Pond
Originally Published: 
nut allergy
Chris Fertnig / iStock

When talk of banning nuts from schools or classrooms comes up, people morph into hateful, mean, and belligerent assholes. When a grown adult says, I should “keep my fucking kid at home” due to her allergies, or thinks that I’m being self-righteous, it makes me want to say “Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you again for good measure.”

My daughter is deathly allergic to tree nuts and peanuts, and because I’m her parent, you know, that important person who keeps her alive, I advocate for allergy awareness and nut-free classrooms. I talk to school administrators and parents, and I educate my child who is 6. But anaphylaxis is more complex than the layperson knows, and until the school staff is given comprehensive education on the subject, I won’t stop trying to procure a safe environment for my child.

Nothing shocks me anymore when online nut battles ensue. Over time, a handful of common threads emerge and the haters make the same comments time and time again, proving themselves ignorant and heartless. I’ve listed some comments below that blew my mind with their asinine and fallacious stupidity.

I apologize your special little girl isn’t competent enough to avoid nuts. I know plenty of 5-year-olds, my youngest included, who can avoid things they are allergic to.

Teaching a 5-year-old to read the words “peanut butter” or “may contain nuts” on food labels is doable for most, but homemade or unlabeled items are potential bombs. Nuts can be hidden in unlikely foods, and teaching small kids with severe allergies to never share food is difficult, especially if they’ve never been stabbed with an EpiPen or hospitalized. If cookies are involved, you’d have better luck teaching a cat to use the toilet because most kids can’t resist a tasty treat.

Putting the sole responsibility into the hands of small children is a laughable suggestion. They need help from their community, and thank god for the people who care, who have empathy, and who show up to be our village. This uppity asshole and her exceptionally smart kid can kiss my nut-free ass.

If your child’s life is that important, homeschool them! The majority should not have to suffer because of a very few.

If my child’s life is that important…IF? Shame on this anonymous internet asshole. My daughter can be a pain in my butt, but nonetheless, I’d like to keep her precious little body alive. It seems that this person doesn’t know what real suffering is. How about riding in an ambulance as your blue and wheezing child is pumped full of medicine and then sitting in a hospital for hours, praying she doesn’t have another reaction? What about buying an extra-small casket for your sweet baby and tucking her into her favorite blanket before you put her in the ground? That is real suffering you dim-witted jerk. Plus, what mother in her right mind would want to teach her own child math? Homeschool my ass.

You should feel like the real asshole. Maybe better care while she was in utero would have helped her develop fully and not had life threatening allergies.

Am I being punked? This asshole clearly knows a lot about nothing. There is no medical consensus on what causes these life-threatening allergies, and besides, I took very good care of her when she was a fetus. When someone spews nonsense like this in an attempt to insult or shame me, it just furthers my case as to why my child needs extra protection.

A child’s need to eat peanut butter is just as important as your child’s need to not eat it.

This is interesting; I’ve never heard of a reverse nut allergy. Sorry, but death trumps peanut butter and your lunacy is a travesty.

Simply put, I’m tired of trying to be nice to assholes, and I’m angry at the heartlessness of those who hold tightly to the idea of their rights being infringed upon. They’ve been asked to not bring any type of nut to school because it threatens the life of another child. Doesn’t the preservation of life always come before insignificant things like peanut butter and granola bars?

The vehemence and hate that seep from the pores of these adversaries makes me question humanity and wonder what happened to their ability to feel compassion and empathy. I’d gladly do anything to help a child stay safe because I’m with the village—the sane people who put community over entitlement. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again to the people who can’t be nice: Fuck you and your peanut butter. Grow a heart or STFU.

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