A City In Belgium Goes Viral For Its Penis-Shaped Christmas Lights

by Julie Scagell

Apparently, when the lights are off, it doesn’t look like a penis — as much

Unfortunately for most of us, hopping a quick plane to Belgium this holiday season is out of the question since the country imposed non-essential travel restrictions from outside the European Union because of the global pandemic. What we’re left with in the U.S. are only images of light-filled streets, the Christmas Market in Brugge, and, oh, and these candle lights shaped like penises.

Sometimes, pictures do speak a thousand words — if those words include peen, wank, member, shaft, pee pee, and ding dong. In the small seaside town of Oudenburg sits no less than 90 “candles” lining the streets that look very much like penises all in a row. The blue and white structures were supposed to resemble candles, but when the lights go on, they look remarkably… not like candles.

Mayor Anthony Dumarey said designers had originally been thinking that candles would be a lovely way to commemorate 2020 but decided at the last minute that a flame was just too cliche. Instead, they replaced it with a blue ball which solidified the penis shape once the “candle” was lit. Cliche never sounded so good.

Dumarey went on to blame the town’s budget and throw the tech department under the penis-shaped bus. “We were on a limited budget, so our technical department designed the illumination by itself,” he told reporters. “In any case, we wanted to move away from the classic flame or candle-themed illumination.”

“Of course, it was not our intention to install Christmas lights that remind people of a penis,” Dumarey also told local newspaper HLN.

“Some people see other things,” Dumarey told The New York Times, insisting the display would stay since it’s given everyone a bit of joy that is much-needed right now. “I’m very happy to put a smile on people’s face, and to bring light in the darkness.” That is does.

There have been more than 15,000 deaths from COVID-19 in Belgium this year, the highest death rate per capita in the world, according to a New York Times database. The country is back on a nationwide lockdown with all nonessential shops closed, working from home mandates, and visits between households not allowed.

Dumarey is taking it all in stride, even posing next to a candle, and saying in part, “All of Flanders is currently talking about the Christmas decorations in the municipality of Ettelgem. It shouldn’t always be a stiff thing, should it? We’ll add the Christmas balls later!” Amazing.

He also told the Evening Standard that the reactions have been quite entertaining. “A woman told me laughing that she would also like a big Christmas pecker at her door,” he said. “Some people snap photos with them with thumbs up. It is certainly the most talked-about Christmas illumination in the country.”

This is exactly the type of news we need right now.