Pair of 5-Year-Olds Dig Their Way Out Of Kindergarten And Try To Buy A Sports Car

Hypothetical question: Your five-year-old manages to tunnel his way to freedom via a sandbox on the grounds of his kindergarten, walks over a mile to a luxury sports car lot, and attempts to buy a Jaguar. Are you impressed at the sheer skill this must have taken or terrified of this little mastermind you’ve created?

This actually happened, by the way.

Two Russian boys disappeared as their group was taking a supervised walk on the grounds of their kindergarten. The boys managed to escape the pack and use spades to dig a hole under a fence in the sandbox and escape to freedom. They then managed to walk over a mile to a car lot. An adult noticed them and asked what they were doing, to which they replied that they were trying to buy a Jaguar, but didn’t have any money.

ABC News reports “the boys had prepared their escape for several days” and a spokesman for the interior ministry confirmed the incident happened. “We don’t have any details yet, we can only confirm the fact itself.”

The supervisor in charge of the kids has been fired.

Yes, there is gross negligence here on the part of the kindergarten staff. Yes, this story is actually kind of terrifying. But I can’t help but be impressed. Most adults I know are crippled when they leave their homes without the GPS on their phones, and these kids managed not only to tunnel out of a sandbox, but also find their way to an actual destination. Was the plan to buy a sports car? Was the plan to just get to freedom and see where the open road took them? Was this a no-plan carpe diem-type scenario? I’m intimidated by their skills.

It’s Shawshank Redemption: the kinder edition.

I sat my almost five-year-old down a week before he started kindergarten and explained to him that he would be going to school every day. And then I explained that mommy, daddy, and all the older people he knows and loves also went to school every day – and that he would be performing this ritual for many years to come. Then I really thought about the fact that he was going to school, and would be in this routine for the next 12 years at least. I got some commitment anxiety in that moment, on his behalf.

These five-year-olds are clearly wiser than their years. Congratulations on your last taste of freedom, boys.