18 Ways My Kids Made Me Uncool

by Clint Edwards
Originally Published: 
Nickelodeon Productions

It’s hard to keep up with pop culture as a parent. It’s like your priorities change, and you’re not so worried about the latest technology, or which celebrities are dating, and you’re a little more worried about keeping your minivan clean or making sure no one has poop in their pants. I work on a college campus, and I am often told to “update myself” as if I’m outdated — which I probably I am. But the thing is, my priorities have changed. I’m kind of a nerdy parent. Here are a few examples of how parenting has made me uncool.

1. I don’t understand Snapchat, but I can help my son with Common Core math.

2. I’ve never seen Orange Is the New Black, but I can name all the characters in Curious George.

3. Minions are my Entourage.

4. I can’t name the Kardashians, but I can name a lot of dinosaurs.

5. I don’t own a pair of Beats, but I do have a pretty fly KitchenAid mixer.

6. I know more about My Little Pony: Equestria Girls than I do the One Direction breakup.

7. I know a little bit about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s divorce and a lot about Minecraft.

8. Ask me anything about the transition from Steve to Joe on Blue’s Clues, but don’t ask me to explain Donald Trump.

9. I eat far more bread crusts off the table than I do all-natural organic smoothies.

10. I don’t drink iced coffee from a mason jar (kids would break it anyway), but I can fill a sippy cup with milk using only one hand.

11. I haven’t gotten around to listening to the new Kanye West song, but I do know all the words to “Let It Go.”

12. I know how to take a selfie, but I struggle to find the angle that makes me not look fat and shows the least amount of kid boogers on my shirt.

13. I know enough about Uber to know that their drivers don’t have car seats.

14. I own an iPhone 6, but my toddler keeps deactivating it, so I don’t know much about the apps.

15. For me, Netflix and Chill means throwing on Care Bears & Cousins so I can sit down without a toddler asking me for mac and cheese.

16. I’ve never watched The Walking Dead, but I do know how to use a potato mine in Plants vs. Zombies.

17. I don’t know what low key, major key, and lit means, but I do know how to speak in puppy, dolphin, and princess.

18. I keep up with popular music via Yo Gabba Gabba! and Minecraft mixes.

I like to think that I’m not completely in the dark — more that I have had a shift in priorities. But then again, I suppose this is why parents aren’t seen as all that cool. Honestly, though, I don’t know if this is all such a bad thing. Pop culture is always changing, but being a parent is a constant. It might be a nerdy constant, but I can live with that.

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