The Funny Parents Of Twitter On The Truth About Mother's Day

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 

This weekend is Mother’s Day and the tension is already mounting. Will our kids behave? Will we have to wipe any butts? Will we get any gifts we actually want? Will our partners even remember?

There’s a lot of moving parts on the one day of the year moms aren’t making all the plans, and hopes are high. But at the end of the day, all any mom wants is a little peace and quiet, a shitload of mimosas and maybe a few laughs. The funny parents of Twitter can at least help with the last part.

1. Spoiler alert: not that many.

Is it so much to ask that our partners and kids think outside the box? Exactly how many showers do they think we take? Another spoiler alert: not that many, because a few certain someones won’t let us be alone in the bathroom long enough.

2. Please?

Literally the best gift of all.

3. *shakes head*

Instead of adding to her pasta jewelry collection, give mom what she really wants for Mother’s Day. A fucking nap.

4. No thank you, please.

Unless Mother’s Day brunch can happen in a soundproof chamber, don’t bother. There’s nothing relaxing about listening to both your own kids and other peoples’ kids whining that their eggs are “too spicy.”

5. They won’t though.

This is the elusive dream every mom is chasing. It won’t ever happen, but hope springs eternal.

6. Nailed it.

A giant mess in the kitchen, last-minute flowers, shattered expectations — just bring on Monday already.

7. A sensible request.

They should offer them at every Mother’s Day brunch. On a discount.

8. Um, this is brilliant.

Daycare teachers: the real heroes for this and so many other reasons.

9. It’s what really counts.

Because if you don’t brag about what your children gave you on Facebook even though they can’t read or have an account on Facebook to see your words of praise, does it even count?

10. Surprise!

Welp. Relaxing time’s over.

11. Keeping it very real.

Hallmark should have a whole line of cards exclusively for moms of toddlers. No one needs more thoughts and prayers.

12. So very special.

We feel like royalty while loading the dishwasher in our painted rigatoni accessories. Sigh.


Yes, you are.

Good luck, dads!

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