10 Reasons You Should Never Send Your Husband To Costco Alone. Ever.

This advice is what no one had the guts to tell me all those years ago when I vowed to love and honor my man but never agreed to allow him to shop independently.

Never let your husband go to Costco unsupervised. Ever.

The most dangerous period is in the beginning, when membership is new and exciting. There’s something about that honeymoon phase and those low prices that’s intoxicating. I know well the temptation of accepting a husband’s offer to make a solo Costco run in your stead. But heed not this siren song.

Please know my warning comes out of concern. I’m sounding the alarm because I know how easy it is to fall prey to this alluring promise. What woman wouldn’t gladly accept her husband’s assistance in picking up the 78-roll pack of toilet paper and a drum of pickles? And she should if only he were able. He isn’t. Husbands aren’t able to stick to the list. They deviate. They think on their own, and that’s the problem.

Here are 10 reasons you should never let your husband go to Costco alone:

1. Husbands will get high off the heady smell of very reasonably priced electronics. Most men do not possess the willpower to bypass an electronics department, and once there they cannot leave without buying a flat screen TV. Invariably, they will return home with a new TV, whether you need one or not.

2. Husbands will buy tennis rackets and a case of 500 tennis balls, even though no one in your family plays tennis.

3. Husbands will buy a scuba set and wetsuit because they were there.

4. Husbands will buy a 10-lb. cheesecake because the samples were really good.

5. Husbands will buy two two-pack tubs of cookie dough (because they were on sale) when you’re on a diet and your refrigerator is not a walk-in.

6. Husbands will buy an industrial-size paper shredder because he always wanted one.

7. Husbands will buy 5-lb. bags of organic croutons when you don’t own or operate any restaurants or work in the food service industry. If I could, I’d like to take a moment to explain exactly how incredibly large a Costco-size bag of croutons actually is. It is larger than any item commonly found on a dining table and most likely won’t fit on the shelf of any of your cabinets as the package is larger than the average American kitchen cabinet.

8. Husbands will buy a 6-ft.-tall, blow-up, light-up musical snow globe lawn ornament for Christmas because it looked cool in the store.

9. Husbands will buy a shed even when you already have one because it was cheap.

10. Husbands will buy 200 hamburger rolls for dinner that night when there are only four of you, and what the hell are you going to do with 196 extra hamburger rolls?

Before I discovered men’s powerlessness in the face of Costco’s bargains, I sent my willing husband, but I soon found myself filled with fear every time he went. What might he return with? What odd item would sit in my house for the rest of eternity?

While I really do like Costco and I love getting a deal, sometimes a man’s purchases, like Costco itself, are more than any one person, or family of four, can handle.