To Moms Of Teens: Prepare Yourself For An Empty Nest Now

I used to think I had so much time to enjoy my kids. So many more holidays and birthdays and Sunday dinners. Life was busy when my three kids were teens. I was sometimes too busy to even catch my breath.

I poured myself into my kids as their mother, and now that they are gone, I have zero regrets. I'd do it all over again if I had the chance… and man, do I wish I had the chance.

But if I could do a few things differently, I would. It's funny how when our kids are young, everyone doles out advice, reminding us to enjoy it because it goes by quickly.

But then what? Yes, time flies, and when your kids grow up and leave the nest, it's exciting and sad all at the same time.

You know what no one said? No one told me how to prepare for it. How to go about my life when my three kids left. I somehow thought I'd know exactly what to do, but I didn't. It was such a weird time. Sure, the freedom was nice, but I wasn't sure what my purpose was anymore, and I wasn't prepared for the giant void it left that went way beyond missing my kids.

I missed who I used to be. Deeply.

There are endless books about surviving pregnancy and toddlerhood, but that's not the case for the teen years. Here's what I wish someone had told me about this phase of life.

1. Start thinking about what your life will be like when your kids move out now.

You'll have a lot more free time than you think. Not only was I not sure what to do with that time, but my thoughts and days were different. Everything was different. I didn't have to buy as much food or cook as much. My errands were cut in half, and the quiet? Man, that was harder than I thought it would be. Had I known it was going to feel like that, I would have started investing in my future a little earlier to soak up the time. I can't recommend starting a new hobby, signing up for a class, or volunteering enough. And if you can, start while your kids are still there so you have an established routine when they leave.

2. Realize it's going to take time to get used to.

It's just so weird. Even on my full days, it took over a year to not feel so… empty. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting that. I kept wondering when I was going to feel like myself again, but you can't rush it because you are evolving into a new version of yourself. That's just what happens when you go from having kids at home to not. Take your time. Feel the emotions that having your kids gone will bring. Know that you are going to have blissful moments and moments when you miss them so much it's painful. It takes time to get used to it.

3. It can feel like you're not sure what to do next with your life.

I went through a period when I wasn't sure which direction to go in. My entire life, I knew what was next: school, marriage, buy a house, kids. Then there was this blank space before me, and I felt a little lost. The truth is, I could do whatever I wanted and that was liberating but also kind of scary. Of course I still consider my kids, and they will always come first. And they will always need me, just in a different way. But they don't need me as much as they used to, leaving this half of my life wide open, and I didn't have a plan for this chapter.

Let it feel clunky. Let yourself grieve. It's also OK to feel the loss without rushing to fill the space. This is your time to rediscover yourself, and it's an amazing time — if you let it be. This is an unbecoming, where most of your daily choices are completely your own. And if you don't enjoy it at first, believe me, give yourself some time and you absolutely will.

Katie lives in Maine with her three kids, two ducks, and a goldendoodle. When she’s not writing, she’s reading, at the gym, redecorating her home, or spending too much money online.