Are We Emotionally Outsourcing Too Much Of Our Parenting To Social Media?

From Instagram accounts aimed at dealing with tween problems to TikTok videos that give you "5 Gentle Ways To Redirect Your Toddler," it's easy to make the assumption that all of us should be perfect parents. I mean, all of this information is at our fingertips... we should be using it daily, right? But in a way that feels more predatory and manipulative than helpful, more and more of these accounts pop up every day — and they can make you feel like you're still doing it all wrong.

If this one TikTok influencer says no screentime works for her toddler, then why doesn't it work for yours? That licensed therapist on Instagram promised that your tween would talk to you about their day at school if you just kept up with the family dinner routine (even when it's impossible), so what gives? Certainly somewhere in one of these godforsaken apps, someone has the perfect advice for you that's actually going to work?!

Sure. And also, maybe, you don't need to always run to an app.

"Parents are raising kids in an age of information overload. Every day, we are bombarded with opinions on how best to raise our kids — whether it's influencers or experts on Instagram, fellow parents on Facebook mom groups, or just unsolicited opinions from well-meaning loved ones. For many parents, this is absolutely causing anxiety and overwhelm," Hannah Holmes, clinical psychologist, tells Scary Mommy.

It's hard to imagine a time when we didn't have parenting advice right at our fingertips, but using our own intuition — and talking about things with people we trust — used to be the norm. While it seems so helpful to be able to look anything up at a moment's notice, leaning too much on social media and even AI apps to curate a “foolproof” parenting plan for us could be causing more harm than good. Sometimes, it seems to create issues that we'd never even thought of. Then, of course, we feel like ill-equipped parents and need to find the perfect advice to fix that problem, too.

"Since having my daughter a couple years ago, my mom, who raised me and my siblings in the '90s, has often remarked on how much overthinking my peers and I do when it comes to parenting. And in my view, this is true. I find myself worrying about the smallest things based on reels that pop up on Instagram. Most recently, it's been: Oh no, am I praising my daughter too much? Will it make her narcissistic or too dependent on praise?" Holmes says.

While she acknowledges that there are major benefits from all of the information online — like parents being able to use evidence-based, expert strategies in their parenting approach — she says this could become too much "when parents start holding themselves to unrealistic standards from people who do not know them, their children, or their families."

That doesn't mean you shouldn't ever turn to the internet if you have a parenting question. However, Holmes suggests curating your social media feeds and limiting your Google searching so that you aren't overwhelmed with information.

And although you should absolutely listen to tips and information from your doctor and other trusted sources, Holmes also wants parents to remember that we have our own sense of what our child's needs are. "I often remind clients, friends, and even myself that throughout human history, parents have been raising their kids guided by their own judgment and intuition, along with the advice of trusted mentors and family members. Get back to the basics: love them, spend time with them, make sure their needs are met. Then make some peace for yourself by tuning out the rest of the noise."