I'll Have What She's Having: Madge The Vag Opens Up!

by Madge The Vag
Originally Published: 
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We pick the brains of some of the most talented, stylish, and busy moms we know to find out what they do (and buy) to make their lives work.

Madge, known for her web series, “Madge the Vag by Scary Mommy,” is your go-to friend for all things vagina. Madge is always unfolding the many layers of the lady bits to uncover their mysteries and has no shame in her game. During her spare time, Madge loves to exercise her pelvic floor, chat on the phone with her mom and her gyno (sometimes at once) and shop for cotton panties that let her hooha breathe! With friends (or even strangers), she loves to drink tea, eat probiotic yogurt and chat about discharge, underpants, menstrual cycles and more! She seems to be a wife to someone, a mother of at least one and live in a lovely town where people are happy to share their secrets about their snatches.

Check out her biweekly webseries on Scary Mommy’s social platforms, where she interviews experts on all the info you need to know about your down below and hosts “The Vagina Game” show where she puts your tacos to the test. She’s also a regular guest on the Scary Mommy Speaks podcast where she answers your burning questions about your beavers. If you don’t see her on the internet, you may see her on the streets with a microphone asking anyone she can about their poons!

DIVACUP Menstrual Cup

“Aunt Flo is in town! Aunt Menstrual Flo, that is. And what’s the best way to greet her? With a cup. A Diva Cup. It’s a beautiful little cup that you can insert and catch your menstrual flow. It’s like putting a glass of wine in your vagina. I love it because it stays in for up to 12 hours and it’s reusable for up to a year!”

$22.50 AT AMAZON

36% OFF (was $34.99)

JOY ON Kegel Exerciser

“If you’re anything like me, a little sneeze, a chuckle, a cough or a hop can make you pee a little. Or a lot. That’s when I know it’s time to exercise my pelvic floor and my go to vag exerciser to get a “hole” lot tighter is with my Kegel Exerciser. They’re like ben wa balls you put in your vag and squeeze 2, 3, 4. The best part is it comes with an app to help keep your vag pulsing. All you need is 15 minutes a day to a tighter vag!”

$69.90 AT AMAZON

PALOQUETH G Spot Rabbit Vibrator

“Time is of essence when it comes to orgasms. When I need a quickie in between chores, I head straight for my vibe. It’s quick and it’s reliable. I love the G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator because I love a bunny who has a GPS to my sweet spot!”

$25.99 AT AMAZON

TRACY’S DOG Clitoral Sucking Vibrator

“You can’t train an old dog to do new tricks, but can you train a vibrator to do the trick for your old clitoris? You sure can! This vibrator has suctioning levels that stimulate your clitoris just the way it likes. There are 10 suction and vibration patterns that will suit any vag! Even mine and she’s picky!”

$46.99 AT AMAZON

27% OFF (was $63.99)

SHIBARI Personal Lubricant

“Lube it up! That’s my motto! When my vag is dry like cedar chips or I just want to add a bit more slip and slide to my gushing gash, I just use some Shibari Lube and I lube it up! It’s like a water park down there.” Not sure how to apply it? We put together a comprehensive guide on how to use lube, we got you, Mamma!


INNERSY High Cut Cotton Underpants

“When I’m going commando, I only go cotton! You have to let your vag breathe and cotton or nothin’ is the only way. My fave underpants for my underground is Innersy Women’s Tummy Control Cotton Undies. Not only are they cotton and provide full coverage (I don’t need to floss my butthole with a g-string!), but they provide tummy control. I don’t even have to suck in!”


THINX Period Proof Underwear

“What do I hate about getting my period? Nothing! I love everything about my vagina! I do wish my period wouldn’t make a mess on my underpants, though. So, I wear Thinx Super Absorbent Briefs. They hold up to 4 tampons worth of period! I put them on at bedtime and sleep soundly! Me Thinx they’re great!”


LOLA First Period Kit

“I’ll never forget when I got my first period. I still read my journal entry about it every first day of my current periods. I wish I had a first period kit like Lola’s First Period Kit that includes a variety of pads and instructions on how to use the pads. I hand these kits out to all my first period pals!”


LOLA Organic Cardboard Tampons

“When I’m not in the mood for a Diva Cup, I love using tampons. I use them as earrings, as holiday ornaments and to plug up any open wounds. Oh and of course for my period! When it comes to sticking things in my snatch, I like it to be organic. So when I choose a tampon, I choose Lola Organic Tampons. They’re 100% cotton and flushable!”


The Vagina Bible: The Vulva and the Vagina: Separating the Myth from the Medicine, By Jen Gunter, MD

“Every Sunday, I pick up my Vagina Bible and do some reading. The Vagina Bible is my go to for vag info. If I have a weird itch, a weird question or just want to separate the myths from the medicine, I go to my Vagina Bible. I also keep it in my nightstand with my vibrator.”

$17.06 AT AMAZON

E-LAURELS Women’s Sheer Crotchless Pantyhose

“I’ve said it a million times — our muffs must breathe. So, when I need to wear pantyhose, I go crotchless! I wear E-Laurels Crotchless Panty Hose. They give my legs a sheer shine and my vag breathing room. No yeast infections here!”


ELIZABETH MOTT It’s So BIG Volumizing Mascara

“It’s so big! That’s what she said. About my eyelashes! I love eye make-up. I’m all about big lashes, so I use It’s So Big Volumizing Mascara. You can see me wink from a mile a way!”

$13.50 AT AMAZON

MAC Retro Matte Lipstick: Ruby Woo

“I often get asked what I have on my lips. After I say, “Lots of pubes!” I realize they meant my mouth lips, not the ones down there. Oops! I always wear a red lipstick that is long lasting. My favorite is MAC Ruby Woo Retro Matte. It doesn’t get dry like my vag can and I don’t need to make touch ups. It stays fresh all day like a healthy vajay!”

$18.50 AT ULTA

LADY SUITE BEAUTY Rejuvenating Botanical Oil for Intimate Skin

Every now and then, I like to trim the hedges on my hooha. It makes it easier to look at when I’m using my vag mirror. Hooha hedge trimming can cause those nasty razor burn bumps, so I afterwards I always rub my girl down with Lady Suite’s Rejuvenating Oil. It’s great for the vulva and who doesn’t love a hydrated vagina?”


WARBY PARKER Coley Eyeglasses

“Everybody asks me time again: “Where did you get those glasses?” Well, they were made specifically for me by my Great Great Great Aunt Maude, who makes specialized eyeglass wear and underwear. However, if you’re looking for a similar pair, I recommend Warby Parker’s Coley Eyeglasses in Eastern Bluebird Fade. Even if you have perfect eyesight, it’s great to wear magnifying glasses so you can see your cooch better! Plus, my glasses are my fave accessory!”


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