Could A Phone Pact Help Your Family Navigate Cellphone Boundaries?

Giving your kid a cellphone is a big deal. It's bigger than it was in the 2000s when many of us received our first Nokia and used it mostly to play Snake and (barely) text our friends (those texts were 10 cents each!). It's bigger than it was even 10 or 15 years ago, thanks to social media. And while it can feel like a protection tool because it allows you to contact your child and locate them whenever you need to, it can also feel like a tool that you have to protect your child from.

For many families, having rules surrounding the phone is a must — and I don't just mean rules like "No social media" or "Only give your phone number to people you know." Straight Talk Wireless has even created a First Phone Pact platform, designed for families to sit down together and create a list of boundaries and rules regarding a kid's phone use. Some of the suggestions will honestly make you think!

To help navigate this milestone experience, Scary Mommy asked an expert for advice on establishing phone boundaries for your child.

Start with a family conversation.

It may sound like an added step (Can't you just tell your kids not to take their phone to bed with them?), but Reesa Morala, a licensed family therapist and owner of Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective, thinks it's one worth taking.

"I think any time that we sit down with our kids and collaborate on a plan of action, the more successful it is," Morala tells Scary Mommy. "When we invite them to have a seat at the table and participate in what the rules are, they are more likely to be invested in listening to them. Let them collaborate on what the consequences are, too, so that everyone is on the same page and fully aware. They know what the expectations are, and they can be a part of understanding the why behind them. It's a great opportunity to build critical thinking skills for lifetime success."

For many families, this means really sitting down with your kids and being honest about the responsibility of a phone and what you want them to get out of it. If all you want your child to have a phone for is communication when they're away from you, then you can build rules from there, such as ensuring it's left in one location when at home or that no games or apps are downloaded onto it.

Consider "no phone" zones or "no phone" hours.

Morala says she's worked with many families who have created unique boundaries regarding phone use, like leaving charging cords in designated, permanent shared spaces so that everybody's phones are accounted for at night. "Phones have also been required to be left in a 'phone basket' at the front door upon arrival and can only be used afterwards, at designated times," she shares.

Morala notes that some families take it "old school" and give their children flip phones with limited minutes.

The Straight Talk Wireless Phone Pact reports that 70% of kids get a cell phone in middle school, and that parents only have a short amount of time to set those boundaries with a phone. While you may already be thinking of some rules, the pact does seriously bring up other areas you may not have thought about, like designating "phone-free zones" in the house (such as the bathroom) and also having your kids help you decide what kind of activities should be "phone-free," like doing homework or before bed.

Create rules that help foster connection.

It’s a good idea to get everybody — kids and adults — talking about phone use.

"Having a cellphone is one way teens are currently measuring 'aura points,'" Morala says. "Unfortunately with social media and texting, it puts cyberbullying right at their fingertips. Having that accessibility at home means they don't get a break from the war they are navigating with their peers, increasing the risks for mental health issues. In addition, I have had many parents report an increase in feeling disconnected from their teens, with phones taking priority and children getting stuck in their room doomscrolling and losing time, which only intensifies the loneliness and isolation they're likely battling."

Make a family pact... but make sure you, as the parent, follow through as well.

Because of this, Morala says singing a "pact" could certainly help your kids take your rules more seriously. "But if there aren't natural, consistent consequences that you can commit to enforcing every single time, the pact just becomes another piece of paper cluttering your house. The bigger impact is the modeling that we, as parents, are showing them. If we are telling them there are health risks for having your phone constantly attached to you in the same breath that we are panicking that we can't find ours, the message is confusing and, of course, they won't take it seriously."

So, create a pact if it helps you and your family navigate phone use — but be prepared to honor your own screen boundaries. Morala says this is where you'll make a lasting impression on your kids.