This Dad Stayed Home For Five Years & Now He Resents Men Too

When you have a baby, you learn pretty quickly that motherhood and fatherhood are not exactly the same. Your hormones and bodies and psyches and personal baggage all react differently to the new child in your lives, sure. Most of all, you’re quickly shown that society has very different expectations for the two of you. Stay-at-home dads walk an interesting line, taking charge of the domestic sphere (traditionally seen as a woman’s domain) but still being held to ye olde standards of masculinity (make money, drag home meat to cave, be strong, et cetera). And one dad on TikTok says being a SAHD has made him understand more about the role often assigned to the woman of the house — so much so that he now resents other men.

“Being a stay-at-home dad the last five years has caused me to grow resentful toward other men,” says Owen Squires (@owen_squires on TikTok). “I feel like as a guy, the more accomplished you are, the more achievements you have, the more hobbies you’re involved in, the better shape you’re in, the more likely you ain’t sh*t as a dad. I know that’s harsh, I know that doesn’t apply to all men, but by and large that sh*t f*cking tracks.”

Damn. Mic drop.

He says that being a stay-at-home parent causes you “to see through the bullsh*t” really quickly, that bullsh*t being that he can tell after a few minutes of talking to another man whether or not that guy’s wife does all the work in his family. It’s painfully obvious that many men are still the main characters in their families even after having kids, Squires says, a position they sort of get to keep because they bring in the paycheck.

“Being in this role just forces you to see how men collectively, myself included, have dropped the ball for generations in terms of supporting our wives and our children,” he says. The comments are both hilarious and supportive, with other dads sharing their own takes:

• “I’ve been a SAHD for 10 years now. It’s hard. The toll it has taken on my mental health. It’s lonely and socially awkward. I have always been the only dad at the park, splash pad, swim lessons, etc. We don’t give enough credit to moms and all they do for the home and family.”
• “As a fellow stay-at-home dad, I agree wholeheartedly.”
• “My dad was a stay-at-home dad for a bit, outside of that he had poker night with his friends once a month, and a 3-day golf trip once a year. He poured all of his time into us, even as we became adults. None of his friends have the relationship with their kids that we do with him. They also never took his advice or understood when he said ‘why wouldn’t you want to actually raise your children?’”

Plenty of women chimed in as well, encouraging Squires to keep speaking up. “Please keep talking about this. Women are made to feel like they exaggerate the hardship of being home,” one commenter shared. “I used to work with a guy who worked 12-hour days, and he also trained for triathlons and iron man races, and he had 3 kids under the age of 5. I always thought ‘his poor wife,’” said another.

Stay-at-home moms are definitely seen as a support role for their kids and working husbands — they’re back-of-house at best while everyone else is prioritized. While we’re sorry for Owen’s experience, it’s so refreshing to hear from a man that patriarchy isn’t working for him either.