9 Moms Share How They Get Their Kids To Open Up & Talk
Sometimes it’s as simple as a Lego set.
Every parent wants their child to feel free to talk to them about anything. Whether they’re going to get themselves in trouble or someone else, whether they’re embarrassed to share something or anxious about how we’ll react, we all just want our kids to know they can tell us. I have three daughters, and with my oldest officially in the tween stage, I really want her to know her dad and I are safe spaces to share everything with — if she’s happy, if she’s scared, if she’s sad, if she’s nervous — and sometimes that means creating an environment that’s easy for her to talk. Sitting her down on the couch and saying, “Let’s talk” isn’t always the most helpful response, and I’m always looking for new ways to encourage my kid to open up and share her feelings.
Luckily, so are other moms — and they have tons of ideas to share.
Sometimes, you just want your kid to tell you what happened at school. Sometimes, you can see that they’re visibly upset or holding something in, and you want them to let it out. Sometimes, you want to talk to them about anything because you’re the one feeling a little disconnected.
It also helps to have some kind of activity or routine that can put them in the mood to chat. Because begging them to talk? Well... we all were tweens and teens once. Did that ever work?
So, if you want your kid to open up and share some things, try one of these tried-and-true methods from moms like you.
Go for a drive.
“A drive always works. Ask them if they want to go get a milkshake and then take the long way home. You’ll suddenly be worried that they’ll never stop talking.” — Tara R., 42, mom of two
Linger at bedtime.
“When they go to bed, I just hang out in their room a little longer. I always go in to say goodnight, but if I can tell they need to chat or I’ve been waiting for them to open up, I’ll just sort of tidy for a minute, or sit down and talk about my day and how I’m feeling and see what happens. When they were toddlers, bedtime was always the best time to get them to chat. And it still works.” — Jennifer L., 39, mom of two
Do a Lego set with them.
“My daughter and I both love Lego sets, and we almost always have at least one in progress. We’ll each get a snack and sit down together to work on them on a Sunday afternoon or a random morning, and there’s something about working the blocks with our hands and helping each other fix a section that makes her want to tell me all the things. It’s such a joyful time.” — Samantha S., 36, mom of three
Ask if they want to rearrange their room.
“I randomly told my 14-year-old daughter that I wanted to organize her bedroom one day, and she was so blah about it. But after about 20 minutes, she started going through piles and talking about where some of the notes came from or how she felt about her old books from when she was little, and it was just the best time listening to her talk. Now, anytime I feel like she needs to let things out, I tell her, ‘Let’s go clean your room’ or ‘Do you want to rearrange your bed?’” — Tara W., 44, mom of five
Go for a walk.
“I always ask mine if he wants to go on a walk. Sometimes he says no, and I’ll say, ‘Oh come on. Let’s take the dog and see if we can find that trail we saw before, or something that gets him excited. I swear, like 10 minutes into the walk, he’s suddenly spilling his guts.” — Maddie T., 38, mom of two
Go shopping.
“I love shopping with my tween, even if we don’t buy anything. Something about wandering up and down the aisles always makes them open up to me. Sometimes I’ll realize we’re at the second or third story and I haven’t been able to say a word — they’ve just been letting it all out.” — Sarah P., 40, mom of four
Let them bake something.
“My go-to move is to ask my son if he wants to bake some kind of treat. We’ll get the ingredients together, and I’ll sit in the kitchen as he bakes. He’s 13, so he can do it all by himself now, and I just have a cup of coffee and wait. It doesn’t take long before he starts talking about school, his friends, and his opinions on stuff happening in the news.” — Lauren H., 43, mom of two
Invite a family friend over.
“My daughter is 12 and in that painful tween stage where she just feels all the emotions. But for whatever reason, she finds it easier to open up and share when my best friend — her godmother — is around. I try not to take it personally because we do have a good relationship, but if I feel like she needs to let some things out, I just tell her that Auntie Bridget is coming over for the day and she’s always ready to come sit at the table with us and share her feelings.” — Jenna R., 38, mom of one
Have a device-free day.
“We put away all devices — the whole family does. We do this maybe twice a month, and we put it on our calendar so nobody is surprised or upset by it. Sometimes we still have plans that day, but no matter what, the lack of devices in the hands of my 15-year-old and 11-year-old makes everyone extra chatty.” — Rachel T., 35, mom of two
