Oh, Hell No: Man Sues Wife For Not Cooking And Cleaning Enough

An Italian man sued his wife for failing to meet his archaic expectations as a cook and housekeeper.

In a gasp-worthy “Oh no, he didn’t!” story, an unnamed 47-year old Italian man filed an actual godforsaken lawsuit against his 40-year old wife for – wait for it – not cooking and cleaning enough for him over the past two years. Technically, the accusation against her is “mistreatment of family,” and a judge in Sonnino, Italy agreed to hear the case, which could send the wife to jail for up to six years if convicted. That’s one spicy meatball.

The man claims he’s feeling “insulted” by his wife’s failure to always cook all the produce he brings home and is also forced to live in unhygienic conditions. What’s more, she routinely kicks him out of their shared marital bed (can’t imagine why). So there you have it folks: a woman could go to prison for years for failing to meet her husband’s antiquated expectations of a wife’s “duties.” Mamma mia.

This case brings forth SO MANY QUESTIONS. What in the world can this signor gain by taking his wife to court? If she’s convicted, won’t he be even more miserable when there’s no one to ever cook his paltry produce or do some half-assed cleaning, let alone occasionally warm the bed? And the longer she’s away, doesn’t that just give her more time to contemplate hiding his body in a large, meat lasagna?

I don’t know much about Italian law, but I know a lot about women, and any woman worth her salt would be so spectacularly pissed and mortified by this that she would swear a blood oath to never, EVER so much as scramble an egg for her asshole husband again. If they’re so unhappy together – he not receiving the complete acquiescence of a submissive, traditionally minded wife; she having to play chef and maid to a complete cretin – then why aren’t they just seeking a divorce? It seems as though his intent may have been to wholly embarrass her into submission. Regardless, the guy pulled a major dick move.

Admittedly, no one has the whole story yet, but apparently there was enough evidence brought forth for the court to prosecute. But even if this woman is a wasteful cook, lazy cleaner and/or a rare lay, she can’t possibly deserve imprisonment for such transgressions. This is clearly a case of irreconcilable differences between disgruntled marital partners, and no tax euros should be wasted on such a personal domestic dispute.

What’s more, this case isn’t going to be heard until October. It’s going to be a long, supremely awkward eight months in that couple’s casa – and if it was dry for this guy before now, it’s about to become a goddamn desert in his bedroom.

I wish both the husband and wife the best of luck from now through the trial – and they’re definitely going to need luck, if not divine intervention, in order to keep from bringing down the house a la The War Of The Roses. This man took an irrevocable step by filing this ludicrous lawsuit, and if his wife isn’t officially punished by the court for it, then he will certainly be punished by her.