12 Moms Share Their Best Advice For Middle School
Because this era kind of sucks. (For you and your kid.)
Middle school is a rough period of time — for both kids and their parents. It’s not always the actual school part that’s the problem; it’s that this chunk of age, from 11ish to 14ish, can feel like a rollercoaster (and not in a great way). There’s so much blossoming independence along with so much uncertainty, and when you mix in their entire peer group going through the same thing, situations are bound to get testy. But there are tons of moms who have been where you are right now, and they have the best middle school advice for parents navigating this era now.
From helping your kid get organized in a new school to helping them navigate new social situations, there’s a lot going on in middle school. Your kid might be overwhelmed, or maybe they’re so excited that they’re overwhelming you. Maybe they’re anxious or nervous about starting middle school, and worried about being out of their comfort zone on the first day of school. Maybe all of their friends have ended up in a different class than they did, or their schedule isn’t what they wanted. No matter what, knowing how to be there for your kids (and how to take care of yourself) is paramount.
Give everyone some grace.
“Give grace and have patience. It's a whole new world they are about to step into, and lots of very big feelings.” — Amber F., mom of three
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
“Breathe. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Middle school was rough in our house for a variety of reasons. The guidance counseling office was wonderful for suggesting various resources to help our kid become successful.” — Amy G., mom of one
Take a step back... but not too far.
“Allow them to fight their own battles; they need to learn how to appropriately handle all kinds of situations. But also be prepared to protect them and their peace at all costs.” — Kelly F., mom of one
Come up with solutions to stressful middle school moments.
“If they are using a locker, I found it helpful to buy a combo lock (that spins like the ones at the school) and practice at home so, when it comes time at school, they don't panic. A printout map of the school is helpful the first few weeks until they get the lay of the land.” — Amber F., mom of three
Stay engaged, even in the simplest ways.
“Make special dates, even simple stuff, like grabbing a slushy on the way home. Keep creating those special memories and showing you value the time with them. Keep the lines of communication open, and remind them that you’re there if they ever want to talk. And they’re never too old for hugs.” — Crystal L., mom of three
Be prepared for your kid to change.
“It will all be OK. But I swear my sweet daughter changed like a light switch when middle school started. Girls are just not nice to each other. If some sass and rebellion shows up, I promise it gets better — even as soon as high school, believe it or not.” — Dawn W., mom of one
Keep good boundaries.
“It’s easy to see kids getting more independent in middle school and feeling like you can let up on some stuff, but keep the boundaries. Even if all of their friends are allowed to stay up late on their phones or do whatever, boundaries keep kids safe and happy.” — Molly W., mom of two
Make a phone-free zone at home.
“We really wanted our kids to just focus on themselves and not get caught up in who’s friends with who or all the weird social games middle schoolers play, so after 7:00 in our house, phones went away. No phone meant she could either focus on a hobby or studying or whatever, but most of the time she usually just ended up on the couch with us watching Jeopardy and decompressing.” — Sarah T., mom of four
Just hold on.
“It’s going to be a rough three years, but just hold on. I promise, they’ll make it, and so will you.” — Mandy G., mom of two
Help them get organized.
“Middle school is kind of a slam to the nervous system because kids are now responsible for everything all on their own. So we sat down with our middle schooler and showed her studying tips and helped her figure out a calendar and how to add to her planner so she felt in control and focused and not overwhelmed.” — Zarah P., mom of two
Make them come out of their rooms.
“Middle school is when my tween started spending more and more time in her room alone, and at first we thought it was just a normal, funny thing. Like, oh, life with a tween, right? But then we started making her come downstairs for dinner, and the entire family had to stay together at the table, with no devices, until everyone was done. Then we all cleaned up the kitchen together and did some chores, and by the time everything was done, she had usually opened up and started talking about a bunch of stuff and didn’t want to be alone in her room anymore. It was the best thing. Make them come out of their room once in a while. Even if you have to bribe them with ice cream.” — Laura T., mom of three
Give yourself grace.
“Listen, these years are going to test your motherhood patience. You’re going to get emotional, too. You’re going to miss your kid as they change, and you’re going to miss the way you used to parent. Just give yourself some grace and adapt. Everything will be OK.” — Taylor P., mom of two
