What I Want My Husband To Know About My Miscarriage

by Jen Tucker
Wife and husband walking in the nature
Dani Almond / Almond Photography

My dear husband,

A few months ago, we lost a pregnancy. It was early on and we knew that it was always a possibility, but the blow still hit so hard. At the time, there was so much to process: the loss of a baby, the doctor visits, the blood draws, telling our friends and family, and all of the questions of what comes next. I didn’t get to really tell you how much you helped me through that time. I absolutely, positively couldn’t have done it without you, so I want to tell you now.

Thank you for acknowledging and validating my every feeling: despair, hopelessness, embarrassment, worry, confusion, and even (especially) the ones that may be difficult for others to understand, such as relief. There is never a “good” time to lose a pregnancy, but I did find solace in the fact that our loss was very early. You not only supported me while I spoke about my sadness, you also supported me when I tried desperately to find any hint of a silver lining.

Thank you for openly sharing the loss and grief that you felt too. It made me feel even closer to you and reminded me that I was not alone.

Thank you for holding me tight when I began bleeding — the moment it all became far too real and any last shred of hope was gone. Thank you for carrying my weight, for wiping my tears, for knowing there were no words that would help but that the strength of your presence was enough.

Thank you for waking up in the middle of the night as my body went through the worst physical aspect of the miscarriage, and I was jolted awake by excruciating pain; for gathering medicine, heating pads, washcloths, and a trash can and for staying by my side every second until the pain subsided.

Thank you for taking days off of work to accompany me, hand in hand, to our doctor’s appointments and to stay with our daughter in the mornings so I could get my blood drawn time and time again.

Thank you for being so encouraging about trying again, when the time felt right.

We braved a significant storm together, and we’ve emerged closer and stronger.

I love you,

Your wife