Your Complete Guide To Becoming An MLM #Bossbabe

by Rachael Pavlik
Originally Published: 
A woman who wants to become an MLM sitting on a pile of clothes on a couch and holding two hangers
Tinatin1 / Getty Images

Hey there, girlfriend!

Congrats on joining our amazing tribe! I’m so #blessed to be your multilevel mama mentor on this journey of financial freedom and sisterhood! You are finally onboard with a real powerhouse team! This won’t be like those other hack companies you’ve tried! We’re different! We believe in you! As a consultant, you are changing women’s lives while transforming your own! It’s empowering, isn’t it?! Let’s set sail on this flexible entrepreneurial adventure! Are you ready to get full-time pay for part-time work? #lovemyjob #lovemylife

My baesister team member Ashley PoshParker (formerly Ashley ThriveParker) mentioned that you have a lot of questions, and we get that! All of them will be answered in time! Right now, we want you to just dream big and sell big! Buy more so you can sell more! It’s just that simple! In your first week, you’re already right on the cusp of becoming Purple Level! #amazeballs! It took my soul sister Ashley three months to get Purple Level, but since you are #fearless, I know you’ll do it sooner! Believe! Achieve! Receive! #goals #rockstar #girlboss #ashleyislazy

Claim this life you deserve. It’s all up to you, boo! You can choose to earn a couple hundred dollars a month or thousands. Pay off all your bills. Get that new refrigerator or splurge on an entire kitchen makeover. Pick up those Louboutins or that tricked-out Range Rover! Get that fully automatic personal flamethrower you’ve been eyeing! You call the shots now! #theskysthelimit #stepintoyourpower #bossbabe #comeatme #imrichbitch

I can tell already you have a real passion for these products. And that’s all it takes — passion! Passion combined with a small investment of an additional ten-thousand-dollars more would easily take your success to a whole other level! Julie RaosLaRoe (formerly Julie BeachbodyRaos) has your Elite Level pin ready! That chica did it, and so can you! #levelunlocked #whatsholdingyouback #investinyou #takeoutaloan #julietookoutaloan

Show that passion by posting several times a day on all your social media channels. Direct message anyone who likes or comments. Boom! Instant sales! Remember, every interaction is a sales opportunity! Who else do you know who would appreciate getting in on this unique opportunity? Find ways to reconnect with old friends over coffee, a ladies’ lunch, a family reunion. Hit up your sorority sisters, your old neighbor who moved away, your husband’s workplace, a high school reunion (yours or someone else’s), or a funeral. Grab your moments to make new friends in line for coffee, that new neighbor, at school drop-off, church, the soccer field, Target, happy hour, an AA meeting, the dressing room at Marshall’s, or the waiting room at the gyno. You just never know where you’ll make that lucrative sister connection! #alwaysbeselling #followup #turnanointoayes #persistence #ambush #iseeyoureonlinerightnow #notcreepy

It’s fun and easy sharing products you love with friends during parties. A party where YOU make money! Why would a woman who’s supposedly your friend go to Walgreens for a mango facial cleanser when she could come to a four-hour sales pitch — uh, party — pay you $30, wait three weeks, and get the same thing?! Why does she want to make Sam Walton richer, but not you? Your so-called “friend” is not a woman who supports other women! Jealousy will do that. All you can do is pity her because she doesn’t know how to lift other women up, and she is probably ugly anyway and could really use this stuff. #sad #losers #notafeminist #youreuglysusan #whatabitch #rodanandfuckyou

But I bet most of your girlfriends have been very supportive of your dreams and don’t avoid you at all! The key is following up to suggest what other products they haven’t tried. Stuff they didn’t even know they needed! That’s empowering. They will love getting new surprises in the mail they didn’t even order! #pamperitforward #autoship #oopsibilleditagain #surprisebitch #theywontsayshit

It’s great that your whole family is now on board! I’m so #blessed I met your Aunt Linda who is now one of my Romance Rockstars! I’ll tell you what I told LindaRomance: Start small, but dream big! Your journey of a thousand dildos sold begins with a single glitter spray. After she bought that crate of the Brown Town Get Down Anal Ease, I just knew asking her to join our team would be right up her alley! #backalley #getitlinda #bootycalls #shetestedeveryproduct #dustymuffinsneedlove

I almost forgot to tell you, girl: LipsenSarah (formerly PlexuSarah) said you’re also doing great numbers on the lipstick!! I know naysayers have complained that it takes 15 minutes and four products to apply properly, but really, who just slaps on lipstick? Not us! #metime #lovemylippies. Sure, the lipstick tastes like Raid, but hello, it lasts four days. Who doesn’t want that?! It can only be removed with a fine grit belt sander, and that’s what I want in a lipstick. #stayingpower #itwontcomeoff #mylipsarebleeding

Listen, sister mama, we all have those Negative Nellies in our lives! The people who don’t want to see you succeed, saying things like, “Why are there 400 bath bombs in our living room?” or “Stop harassing our relatives about parties,” and “You took out a second mortgage?” or “This is a pyramid scheme!” and “You’re tearing this family apart like those cheap leggings!” Blah blah blah! You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life! #nonbeliever #couplestherapyisdumb #youdontneedhim #fuckyoucraig #weareyourfamilynow

Let your haters be your motivators, angel face! Haters love to bring up that whole “pyramid scheme” thing like a broken record. Life is a pyramid scheme! If you think about it, we’re all involved in a pyramid scheme, right? Jesus recruited his disciples, amiright?! Don’t you want to be like JC? #peterwasbasicallyjesusdownline #imyourjesusnow

The Federal Trade Commission has called our industry flawed, unfair, and deceptive as well as predatory and harmful. Sounds like someone needs some Rose Gold Sloth-pattern leggings in their life! #jealousmuch #lawsuitschmawsuit #fuckyouftc #orangejumpsuitsarecute #theyllnevertakemealive

In closing, sugar tits, all you need to do is trust us and trust the process. Don’t question your leaders. Ever. The money will come. You just need patience, persistence, more inventory, more friends, a positive attitude, and to work smarter, not harder! Well, maybe a little harder. If you don’t make money, it’s entirely your fault, but that’s not going to happen! We believe in you! Do you believe in yourself? #gottabelieve #beYOUtiful #alluptoyou #dontfuckthisup #unicorn #empowerment #sellyourplasma #buymoresellmore #momboss #oilscureautism #dowhatyoulove #lovewhatyoudo #leggingsarepants #yourtimeisnow #goaldigger #didisayempowermentalready

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