Our Favorite '80s And '90s Shows, Remixed

TV in the ’80s and ’90s rocked. No wonder I spent so much time glued to the screen, bowl of coffee ice cream in hand and the rest of the world tuned out for 30-minute spurts.

The writers of these shows were most definitely on the right track. But if we were producing these shows, they’d have decidedly different, and more realistic, themes based on their titles.

Perfect Strangers

Your tween’s friends, whom you saw just three months ago, but who are now taller and curvier and, incredibly, shaving. Who are these people?

The Wonder Years

How else to explain how you manage to get your kid to eat a decent breakfast, remember to write a check for the class trip, and avoid volunteering at school events?

Who’s the Boss?

All of a sudden, your authority has disappeared. Your tween’s favorite phrase has gone from “Mommy, play with me!” to “You’re not the boss of me!” Whatever happened to those good times when your word was golden? Those days were dyn-o-mite!

Saved by the Bell

The doorbell rings just as your kid asks when they can start dating.

Family Matters

Who left the toilet seat up? Who didn’t replace the paper-towel roll? Who ate the last cupcake? These are important quality-of-life issues that need to be answered, but, most likely, never will be.

Friends

A family picnic, a trip to the museum—your kid used to love these outings. Now it’s all about their besties. Sorry, Mom.

Designing Women

Helping your tween put together a wardrobe that may involve zebra stripes, but never zebra stripes with leopard spots. Even 11-year-olds need limits.

A Different World

This explains the new math rules. Whatever happened to carrying the one? And long division?

Wiseguy

Eye rolls, along with a vocabulary that now includes the all-purpose “whatever,” have become your kids’ preferred form of communication. When they decide to finally open the door and come out of their room, that is.

Growing Pains

Yours, not theirs. You haven’t worked out in ages and your jeans are threatening to split. Fortunately, you have plenty of flowing tunic tops left over from the ’80s.

Empty Nest

The day will come when your once-little bundle is all grown up and flies the coop. Yes, you will no longer be hiding the zebra-striped pants and avoiding uncomfortable questions, but you’ll be saying goodbye to a big part of your life. Take heart, though. It will just be a matter of time before they come home to do their laundry, and once again you will have a gloriously full house.