Parenting Would Be So Much Better Without These Things

by Holly Rust
Originally Published: 
A mother in a black T-shirt wiping her sick daughter's nose

As a mom each day is a new adventure; some are filled with laughter, some are filled with pure chaos, but most are filled with both. I would venture to say that the majority of our chaos stems from those annoying daily tasks that come with being a parent. These tasks test our patience, drive us bonkers, and make the simplest action feel like you’re trying to solve a difficult algorithm without any mathematical training.

After countless conversations with other parents, we’ve all agreed that life as a parent would be much more awesome if we never had to do any of these mundane, life-sucking, chores again.

1. Washing Bottles

What’s with all the parts? And those brushes that spray you in the face when you pull them from inside the bottle? I will never take my dishwasher for granted again.

2. Changing Diapers

Changing diapers sucks at all stages, but particularly after they learn how to crawl. You can spend all day chasing them around and manhandling their flailing limbs just to diaper their butts.

3. Putting Their Shoes On

How are you supposed to fit marshmallow man feet into those tiny shoes? I use the twist and shove method, and pray I don’t break their ankles.

4. Cutting Finger/Toe Nails

With paper-thin nails and ninja like reflexes, cutting their nails is at best super annoying and at worst, hazardous.

5. Dressing Them

Once again, having to shove body parts into tiny pieces of clothing is no fun at all.

6. Feeding Them

When you do finally get them to eat, it’s after several minutes of performing a circus act and pretending to be an airplane as to trick them into thinking they love peas.

7. Bath Time

One question: Is bath time more for them or for you? Because I, for one, always end up soaked.

8. Putting Them In Car Seats

Between planking, screaming and wiggling, I’d just rather stay home because karate chopping my kid’s midsection in public makes me look like a bad mom.

9. Cleaning Baby Gear

How does a baby manage to fill every square inch of their high chair with something disgusting? Ghostbusters couldn’t even clean my kid’s highchair at this point.

10. Cleaning a Baby’s Neck

You never know what’s lurking in those fat rolls. Beware. If you lose a Cheerio, you know where to look.

11. Giving Medicine via Syringes

Most times you’re not able to even get that stupid thing in their mouth since they violently shake their head back and forth. If you do get lucky and they accept the medicine, at least half of the liquid drips down their face and becomes a sticky mess.

12. Doing Laundry

Every day. 24 /7.

13. Leaving The House

Might as well pack a suitcase with all the stuff you need to take, and don’t plan on being on time. Ever. But you know what sucks the most? Leaving the house in Winter.

14. Bedtime Routines

Bath, jammies, water, pee, story, cuddle, water, pee, water, another story, cuddle, more water and finally if you’re lucky – sleep.

15. Cutting Food Into a Thousand Pieces

Most pieces end up on the floor, in your dog’s stomach, or wedged into a crevice in the high chair.

16. Doctor’s Appointments

Their fever or symptoms seem to miraculously disappear once you arrive, or your kid has to get shots and then hates you the rest of the day.

17. Brushing Teeth

They usually swallow the toothpaste before a single tooth gets brushed and splash water everywhere. Your bathroom often looks like a public restroom once they’re done.

18. Wiping Their Nose

The snot usually ends up all over their face and they act like you’re trying to kill them. I’m wiping your snot kid – calm down.

19. Teaching Them To Aim

This applies to boys. Constantly wiping urine up off the floor, wall, and toilet seat is not my idea of a good time.

And it doesn’t get easier as they get older, because then you have to deal with these tasks:

20. Helping With Homework

This only tends to make me feel stupid. Who remembers this crap? Plus, what’s with all the projects a kid has to do now? I’m not that creative, nor do I strive to be.

21. Brushing Your Daughter’s Hair

How in the hell does their hair get so matted? When you try to brush their hair they act like you are trying to kill them too. If you let them tend to their own hair, you end up with a much worse situation.

22. Chaperoning Field Trips

I can barely manage my own two kids and now you want me to manage a whole herd of them? How do you always get suckered into these gigs?

23. Taxi Service

The older they get the more time you spend in the car. Half my day consists of running my rug rats around to school and all their different activities. Thank God for drive through Starbucks.

24. Answering the “Why?”

“Why?” “But Why?” Eventually you run out of answers and they still want to know, “Why?” I’m preparing myself now for the inevitable, “Where do babies come from” question.

25. Monitoring Electronic Devices

Let’s just all admit – our kids are smarter than us. Trying to stay one step ahead of them can be exhausting.

26. Worrying

I’m afraid this one will never go away. All we can do is hope our decisions and actions now will keep them out of therapy in the future.

One or two of these tasks would be manageable, however as parents we endure most of them everyday. I, for one, will welcome my kid’s independence and look forward to the day when they can wipe up their own pee – without my help.

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