Please Don't Comment On My Daughter's Size, EVER

by Danielle Sherman-Lazar
A smiling little girl with short brown hair wearing a red jacket and pink pants while sitting
Danielle Sherman-Lazar

“She’s so big. How much does she weigh?”

This was a question I was asked today by a little girl’s nanny in my daughter’s summer camp.

Yes, my little girl was in ear’s reach. Right there. Her baby browns looking up at mine, while her arms looped my legs, giving them a hug.

She is two and still has rolls on her arms. I heard they go away once babies start walking, but with my daughter, they stayed put. She has three solid rolls. There used to be six but now we are down to three.

This nanny didn’t say it maliciously. We were just chit-chatting because we were both early and then…this question.

Ever since then it has been on my mind.

“She’s so big. How much does she weigh?”

Here is what I am asking.

Please, please, please, never comment on my child or anyone else’s child’s weight, and especially don’t do it in front of the child. My child is two, and I don’t think she understood, but she has two ears, that work very well. She picks up on a lot, and the only way I can get a good assessment on what she is picking up is when it is repeated. I don’t need this repeated, ever.

All she needs to think is that she is “so big” when she is so young, vulnerable, and little.

My answer: she is healthy, she is happy and she is perfect. Her weight is not her worth.

And the next time you think it’s okay to comment on anyone’s size, it’s not. So, don’t.

And believe it or not, I will miss those rolls when they go away. I will show her pictures and tell her how beautiful she was … because she is.

Please don’t comment on my daughter’s size. Ever. Maybe I am hypersensitive to these comments because I am in recovery from eating disorders. The thing is, you don’t know who has a predisposition for eating disorders—one comment can set someone off.

Maybe it won’t, but maybe it will. It starts young. Kids pick up on what society deems important—what their parents deem important.

By commenting on anyone’s size, you are promoting that the size of your body is important. Let’s change the conversation. Beauty comes from within—kindness, intelligence, creativity. Beauty, therefore, comes in all shapes and sizes. We have the power, especially as parents.