Would You Make Your Kid Go To The Birthday Party Of A Child With No Friends, Even If They Didn't Want To Go?

Before kids, birthday parties were all about cake, music, and general merriment. After kids, it’s about cake, music, and the ever-complicated dynamics of kid friendships and invitation discourse. Who do you invite? Who gets left out? Do you skip the whole party thing and do a “Yes Day” or a trip? There are so many things to consider when it comes to throwing a kid’s birthday party, so what do you do when you’re also in the midst of a complicated situation as a potential guest?

A mom on Reddit is looking for suggestions on how to handle a tricky friendship situation with her 10-year-old daughter and the ever-complicated birthday invite drama we all find ourselves in at one point or another as a parent.

She explains in her post on the “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit that a new girl in her kid’s school has been “an issue.”

She says that the fifth grader has been very disruptive in class and has had an instance of stealing other kids’ food at lunch, including her daughter's. This child also struggles with giving kids personal space.

“My daughter is overall not the biggest fan of her,” she wrote before speculating that this child might be on the autistic spectrum.

“This leads to the main issue. Emilia sent out invites for her birthday, and my daughter doesn’t wish to go. I think she is old enough to make that type of decision. The problem is, I have talked to some other parents ( my daughter's friends' parents), and they are not going either.”

So, now that it seems no one will be going to the girl’s party, she’s feeling guilty and wondering if she should make her daughter go.

She’s torn between knowing that her daughter is old enough to make her own choice about going and feeling bad about no one going to this girl’s party. She’s wondering if she’s in the wrong for not making her daughter go.

After her post gained traction, she received a lot of helpful comments from fellow Reddit users. Some users firmly believed that the OP should not make her daughter go to the party.

“NTA. We shouldn’t teach girls to go into situations that make them uncomfortable to please others,” one user wrote with the most upvoted comment.

Another warned, “Keep this in mind, if you force her to go she will become Emilia's new ‘best friend’ and Emilia will try to be her constant companion in school which will alienate your daughter from her true friends.”

“NAH. It's okay for your daughter to have autonomy over choosing whether or not to attend a party. It's important, however, to teach your daughter to give her regrets early so the family of her classmate can plan accordingly,” one user echoed.

However, there were some parents who empathized with the birthday girl and her family, sharing their own anecdotes.

“This! All the way home! I agree you shouldn’t force your kids into doing something they don’t want to do. But walking a lil in someone else’s shoes doesn’t hurt either. Imagine the shoe was on the other foot kinda business ... And I’m mother to a little boy of 3 years old who sees hugging as a nice gesture. Whilst I’m trying to teach him about personal space etc it’s hard cos I understand that’s his way of showing friends he likes them. There’s nothing malicious behind it, he just doesn’t understand fully yet about personal space and I can imagine this little girls mum is having a similar time of it,” one user said.

“My daughter is autistic and difficult to love. When 2 kids out of the whole class came to the last ‘whole class’ party we held, she was beside herself with joy that 2 people came and had a wonderful time. Because kids like this, who do the most unlovable things really still need love and friends. However, it is really your daughter's decision. If she turns up with an unhappy attitude, that won't help anyone either. Try but don't force,” another said.

After several opinions, the OP gave an update on the situation.

“I have decided I am going to respect my daughter's’s no on this. She already explained why she doesn’t want to go, and I will respect it,” she wrote.

“I am going to try to run into the parent at pickup today and tell her that we won’t be able to attend and wish them a happy early birthday.”

Read the full Reddit thread here.