Author's List Of People Who Can F*ck Right Off Has The Internet Saying 'AMEN'

by Samantha Angoletta
Kristen Mae / Facebook

Author Kristen Mae has had it with people being assholes, and we are right there with her.

In her Facebook video entitled “People Who Can F*ck Right Off,” bestselling author Kristen Mae launches an expletive-laden tirade that has us nodding our heads so hard we almost gave ourselves whiplash. She starts by telling us she’s always thought of herself as someone who could get along with everyone, but that the older she gets (pushing 40), the more she realizes that simply isn’t true. “I’m tired of being too nice,” she says, “and pretending that other people’s dicky behavior is somehow okay with me.”

We know exactly what she’s talking about. Something about getting older makes you realize you don’t actually have time for people’s bullshit.

So she shares with us her list of “people who can fuck right off.” She starts with those who commit smaller offenses, like cutting in line (“Line-cutters are basically narcissists”), littering, and not picking up after their dog. Amen, sister!

Why be an asshole when it’s just as easy to not be one?

She touches on some serious issues too, issues that are hard to make light of, for example: women who throw other women under the bus. It’s unfortunate, but we’ve all witnessed it — the mean mom or the catty coworker who apparently thinks there is not enough success to go around and the only way to get some is to take it from someone else. “Who are these women,” she asks, “who can justify in their minds that it’s okay to step on another woman to advance in their career — or to advance in any way?” Yes. It’s hard enough out there with the wage gap, and our fight for equality and health care, without bringing each other down.

She also goes off on rude internet commenters, and we are totally here for that: “Keep your fucking fingers to yourself, you nasty keyboard warrior.” Yes, please do.

But our favorite part of the video is her rant against bigotry, where she explains how acceptance works: “It doesn’t mean that you have to agree with someone, it just means you have to keep your fucking mouth shut.” She speaks specifically about LGBTQ rights, reminding bigots that all gay folks want is the same damn rights as everyone else — the simple rights inherent in legal marriage, like being on the same insurance policy, inheriting possessions when a partner dies, and both individuals being considered legal parents of their children. “They’re not taking anything from you,” Mae says. “And by the way, if you think stopping gay marriage is going to stop people from being gay, you’re fucking crazy.”

Folks, it’s like Kristen Mae can’t stop being right. It’s awesome.

She recites the famous serenity prayer, which goes:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

“Guys,” she says, “being gay is one of the things you can’t change. So fucking drop it.”

Standing fucking ovation.

If you’d like to hear more from this rad woman, you can keep up with Mae on Facebook, or (shameless plug) read her novels, Beyond the Break and Red Water in which she attacks serious social issues in fiction form.