The 10 People You Meet While Having a Baby

newborn-at-hospital

Having had one gallbladder and one baby extracted from my body, and two more pushed out the old-fashioned way (babies, not gallbladders), I’ve spent my fair share of time in hospitals. Though each stay was different (e.g. goodbye major organ and the ability to drink coffee without immediately pooping vs. hello adorable newborn!), I have encountered the same kinds of people each time I’ve donned the open-in-the-back gown and confused the TV remote for the nurse call button. Don’t get me wrong, there are phenomenal physicians and remarkable RN’s out there, it’s just that I rarely run into them…

1. The Complainer: Being in the hospital is no walk in the park, but The Complainer grumbles about everything, from the thread-count of the sheets to the harsh lighting of the fluorescent bulbs.The Complainer does not appreciate the rare commodities of room service, zero laundry, and minimal responsibility.

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2. Dr. Zero Bedside Manner: I have personally experienced this doctor when he announced, on the heels of a joke, that my baby had holes in her heart. Dr. Zero has terrible comedic timing, waning compassion, and from the frequent glances at his watch, no time for you and your “issues.”

3. Chatty Cathy: Where does this woman come from?! Is she on staff? A patient? No one knows, but, like an apparition, she materializes at your door and then never. stops. talking. She wants to compare insurance coverage, but you just want to nap. Good luck with that.

4. Nurse Doom & Gloom: Meet Negative Nancy’s cousin, Nurse Doom & Gloom. She will corner you, probably during your first postpartum poo, and rage on about her under-active thyroid or the depletion of natural resources. You will nod quietly as she works up a frenzied sweat, afraid to interrupt because of her easy access to needles.

5. Hospital Photographer: No means no, woman, now get the hell out.

6. Nazi Lactation Consultant: The Nazi LC’s strict, no-nonsense approach to her (or HIS, as was my experience) job comes standard in other Nazi hospital employees. The NLC makes you feel like a horrific mother if your baby doesn’t latch, or–godforbid!–you say eff it and opt for formula. Not all LC’s are like this; just the ones with Nazi prefacing their name. You will recognize the Nazi from the helpful LC’s by their thin mustaches and the way they smash your baby’s face into your sore nipples.

7. Nosy Janitor. Listen to me carefully: Make friends with this person. He’s going to ask where you’re from, what you do for a living, and he’ll probably inquire about your burgeoning hemorrhoids. Answer all of the questions with a smile because the Nosy Janitor is your connection to extra pillows, warmer blankets, and if you establish a good rapport right off the bat, he will look the other way when he dumps your garbage and those empty Blue Moon bottles come a’tumblin’ out. What? They were a gift.

8. Over Zealous Religious Leader: A quiet knock on your door and there he is in all his glory. No, not Jesus, but some guy who wants to pray, loudly, with you. I’m not anti-prayer, but I’m anti-stranger-in-my-room-while-my-tush-is-hanging-out-the-back-and-my-boob-is-hanging-out-the-front-of-my-hospital-gown. Amen.

9. The Disgruntled Employee: The Disgruntled Employee can make or break your hospital stay. He hates his job, and he wants you on his Misery Loves Company bandwagon. While changing your bedding, the DE starts ranting about the “middle man” that provides the hospital linens: “QUALITY IS DOWN AND PRICES ARE UP! SUPPLY AND DEMAND IS A BITCH!” Valid complaint, but I’m going to focus my anger on this Greek yogurt craze. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO FRUIT-ON-THE-BOTTOM?

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10. The Storyteller: This variety of hospital employee has no boundaries, personal or spatial. Once, an off-duty nurse actually sat in my room, divulging all the sordid details of her crumbling marriage while I watched the required “shaken baby” video. Talk about a double shot to the ol’ hormones. The whole situation was the epitome of disconcerting, but since she seemed like she needed a shoulder to cry on, I offered The Storyteller mine. She gave me extra ice packets for my mesh undies, though, so I didn’t mind too much.

Related post: The Vacation of Giving Birth

About the writer

English teacher by trade, smack talker by nature, Stephanie Jankowski loves words, hates math, and has a knack for finding the funny in everyday life. She's probably ignoring laundry right now and slinging sarcasm over on her blog, When Crazy Meets ExhaustionFacebook, or Twitter.

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Shelbie 7 months ago

#11 The Students
I gave birth at a teaching hospital. Right after I gave birth to both of my children, 12 young people (who were supposed to be medical students MADE me play almost 30 minutes of Q&A.

Katie Basil 1 year ago

Oh Social Butterfly Mom, I have to wholeheartedly disagree with this statement. Not all babies are created equal and all newborn photos most definitely do not all look the same…unless you have a crappy photographer with zero creativity? But that’s ok, all these mommy blogs are ALL THE SAME to me 😉

Kara Wells Elliott 1 year ago

Dr. Poop, aka the neonatologist who seemed obsessed with the fact that my son in NICU didn’t have a BM every hour and wanted to prescribe suppositories. Also, Sensible Nurse, who finally told him, “Do YOU pop every 12 hours?” And finally, bless his heart, the funny anesthesiologist who made it all better. :)

Bethany Serrianni 1 year ago

♥ BABY!! ♥

Mandy 1 year ago

The life saving nurse who kicks your mom out of the delivery room on day two of induction so you and your husband (who had to make a bed out of chairs, one of which she stole) can get some much needed sleep. All the other nurses knew my mom so they didn’t want to say anything. This nurse (I LOVED HER) saw me stressing asked what was wrong and kicked her out. :)

Michelle 1 year ago

The NLC who totally missed that’s son was tongue tied. It wasn’t caught until he was 2 weeks old and not fixed till he was a month old. By then my milk supply was down to zilch even with pumping and my son was used to formula. Not to knock the formula as my son is now 4 yo and healthy but I truly regret not being able to breast feed.

Becky Jo 1 year ago

I did not encounter any of these!! I had both of my kids at Oakwood Hospital in Dearborn, MI, and the staff there is amazing. Those nurses are simply amazing!!

Amy Shaffer Waldfogle 1 year ago

how about all of the people who forget that you haven’t been doing all of this every day for years they way they have?

Shannon Sheets 1 year ago

The grandfather of the baby two doors down who keeps mixing up your door and their door over and over while you’re trying to figure out breastfeeding.

Claudia Sciales 1 year ago

I love your posts, and realized I must be VERY lucky. I’ve had 2 c-sections and 4 other surgeries…I’ve ALWAYS had a great experience. No complaints here!

Michelle Baker 1 year ago

Sad to hear. We have all had bad experiences, my first c section went bad and had trouble too. However b I’m also a nurse. Not L&D, but a mixed floor. I’m always amazed by the complaints I hear about how bad care is, their are good nurses and bad, however we spend our lives dedicated to giving the best care, sometimes made difficult by the needs of many placed on one person. You want a happy nurse, but maybe I just held the hand of a dying patient and talked a family through the ends and outs of a terminal diagnosis. Most nurse are warm, caring people who really try hard to meet everyone’s need, but just like triage, your needs are meet based on the most need. Your complaint for water and blankets are addressed while we also address pain, nausea, and misery of the cancer patient dying next door. Labor nurses might gave also been dealing with a grieving mom, who unlike you, isn’t taking their baby home, their planning their funeral. Give your nurses and docs a break. You have no idea what has already happened and how hard its been, you also don’t know what the person next door is going through.

Hsiuwen Jao-Torres 1 year ago

Omg the photographer! She insisted on coming in here to take pic after it took us an hour to put baby back to sleep, then she woke him up crying because she was trying to pose him… I can take my own pic, thank you very much

Chris Carter 1 year ago

Having been in the hospital multiple times myself- I SO GET THIS!!! Hilarious!!!

Barb 1 year ago

What about the awesome nurse? I hope you had atleast one of those during any of your hospital stays. If not, I am really sorry!

Social Butterfly Mom 1 year ago

Hilarious, as always, Stephanie! I can’t decide which I like best, but sometimes I don’t understand the baby photos and photog. THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME! And by that, I mean every baby and every photo.

Kat 1 year ago

Mine were

The annoyingly peppy young student nurse who couldn’t fathom why I was in so much pain during labor, because it really can’t hurt that bad, you just need to breathe through it! I had a stubborn kid who decided he was going to flip around to try crawling out of my back instead so I wasn’t allowed pain medication for the first 10 hours of my labor… around hour ten I would have been plotting her demise if it weren’t for the searing pain clouding my ability to think.

The I’m just going to assume you don’t know anything about child birth nurse, who refused to listen to me and tell me to just keep pushing! When the doctor was no where to be seen

Which brings me to the Vanishing Obgyn who decided to take a break when pushy nurse told me to push too much and I was crowning being told to stop because the obgyn wasn’t there yet.

The over friendly nurse who proceeds to carry out a conversation with you while she’s checking out your nether regions and commenting on how surprisingly elastic certain parts of them are because I didn’t tear… I don’t know why, but me personally I don’t like the compliments my vagina gets while your up close and personal with it unless you’re there on good circumstances.

Violet Neitzke-Krebs 1 year ago

Hahaha, I thought I was the only one drinking beer in there!

Robyn Parker-Travis 1 year ago

I had 4 doctors when I had my c-section. One of which I could have killed!! I was not happy! They regret not putting me to sleep. They still talk about me. I had about 7 nurses looking after me after the c-section they were amazing and so was the public health nurse who taught me to breastfeed.

Tasha Gilchrist 1 year ago

The photographer from the company contracted with the hospital to take keepsake newborn photos for you that was also wearing a gallon of powdery perfume and noticed no social cues to get out of my room; the two I.V. nurses with the worst bedside manners in the world that made me wonder if it was a job requirement. Here, let me stab you with this needle-which is how I found out my first I.V. was bad and that I needed a new one.

Kylie 1 year ago

I doubt it. The doc that delivered mine didn’t recognize me at my 2 week check. Maybe if I dropped my pants…

Amy Pecore 1 year ago

For me? The f-ing Mary Kay Rep!

Akasha Pearson 1 year ago

I hate the nurse that tells you it’s not that bad, you need to breath as you look like you’re being exercised twisting and bending screaming you want to push, and them telling you not to (it’s a natural want while you know in labor?!) then they check to see how far dilated and she can feel the babies head and your water hasn’t Broken

Sarah Cox 1 year ago

The nurse with big hands and a bad attitude!

Melissa 1 year ago

I had a Nazi lactation consultant come in the room with my 3rd baby and ask me why I was so stupid with my first two and formula fed and what made me get smart this time around and decide to pump? I went and got a hospital provided bottle of formula out and kindly told her to get the eff out of my room.

K 1 year ago

They flip for jaundice. When my little nephew was born a few weeks early the nurse came in when I was visiting. He was hours old, my sis in law almost died and this woman comes in and informs them he is jaundiced and his blood sugar is low in a time that sounds like he is dying. I seriously almost punched her on the spot, and I’m not a violent person. The next nurse came in later and explained calmly he just needed some sugar water and would be fine!

Katy Behrens 1 year ago

The nurse who tried to remind me to wipe from front to back 12 hours after my delivery. “I just pushed a human out my vag and you think I don’t know how to wipe my own ass?” I believe were my exact words.

Jessica Wegrzynski Barone 1 year ago

#11 super supportive resident grabbed from hallway to help hold my foot.
#12 best night-nurse ever! Supportive, relaxed, informative and FRIENDLY!

Laura Watts 1 year ago

In our case, our birth mom and then apparently nurses who continually, out of my earshot of course, asked her how she could just give her baby away!!! There were others who were great, doctors and nurses alike, but the few knuckleheads soured the experience

Jen Bishop 1 year ago

I usually love these posts, but this one I have to disagree with. I’ve had a cruel nurse and doom and gloom pediatric docs but other than that all staff was great. I guess I’m lucky!

Jennifer Mollohan Hill 1 year ago

I remember the janitor. She was so nice, she got me drinks, loved my baby helped my husband and got paid minimum wage.

Alyosha Violet 1 year ago

The prac student who is so oblivious to the fact you’re a living human rather than a cadaver that you end up feeling like Westley in The Princess Bride after he has just had life sucked out of him on The Machine… (No, YOU cannot feel how far dilated I am ever again! Or that’s what I wanted my brain to send to my mouth if only it was functioning properly…whimper)

Megan Brandl 1 year ago

Emergency C-Section surgical assistant man who looked at me naked, looked at my INSIDES but did not once look me in the eye…

Sheila Francis-Fifelski 1 year ago

The chatty nurse male nurse student. Who is super concern with ur progress breastfeeding. The nurse who will give you a black and blue trying to do an IV. When you already told her that is not your good veins arm.

Kylie 1 year ago

Mine offered to do that! She said she would just hold her through her shift so we could sleep! So sweet.

Amy Baldwin 1 year ago

The holistic healer. …. I just had a baby, I don’t want reiki

Kylie 1 year ago

Yup. It hurts, but if they hadn’t done it I would be dead. Seriously. You should be thanking them for that painful service.

Kylie 1 year ago

Mine were all amazing! One saved my life literally. I had crazy internal bleeding that the doc didn’t catch. But she did, even after her partner told her she was wrong. She later apologized for not catching it. I loved my whole team! I would not be here with out them.

Betty Cattrell 1 year ago

Ugh. My own brother!! There was “no reason” for my doctor to do a c-section except for money. Even though I was in labor 26 hours and the baby wouldn’t descend.

Meredith 1 year ago

Nurse Doom and Gloom! Yes! Clearly, she’s a busy gal b/c she gets around…and travels as a posse, b/c I recognize these other folks all too well!

Kathie Dimovski 1 year ago

Mine was Maria. She was the best.

Amy Green 1 year ago

i didn’t have any of that because i would tell them to Fuck off

Melody Stewart 1 year ago

My hospital has the best staff!! The only lady that was slightly not as chipper was the records lady (the lady you tell your kids name to) but, I waited til the last minute tee hee

Lori Summers 1 year ago

The other mom giving me dirty looks because my daughter flew out in 15 minutes and she has been pacing the halls for hours.

Nicole Mueller 1 year ago

That’s so wrong! Our parents are never asked to leave… Other visitors, yes, during report, but never parents! I’m sorry she did that do you!

Daniella Mendoza 1 year ago

You forgot the loud neighbor that has a grizzly bear of a husband.

Sarah Lennox 1 year ago

Ya that’s the one lol

peggy 1 year ago

The nurse in training because just two people shoving their hands up my twat and asking about my tattoos just apparently wasn’t enough.

Michelle Bates 1 year ago

How about the nazi nurse? After my third c-section my legs still numb my son pooped, the diaper leaked all over me and the bed! The nurse in the room refused to change him!
We both had to lay there until my husband returned from lunch!

Jennifer Engnell Majors 1 year ago

I vaguely remember a baby center post when I was pregnant about janitors stealing her “sacred baby joy”. Tell me you are referencing that! :) how funny!

Trish Walker 1 year ago

After I had mine, I seemed to have a never ended number of people peeking at my crotch. Before and after birth. Checking for dilation, checking for bleeding, checking for hair bumps, idk. I was checked…..a lot. I think the janitor got a peek too. Every time someone walked in the room I automatically pulled down the sheets and spread my legs. My family didn’t appreciate the view. I couldn’t help it. I was conditioned. And the funny thing, I never got a name, flowers or a phone call after. Nothing. I don’t even remember the sea of faces that came and went. I could pass one of these crotch watchers on the street and not even recognize them. Do they even recognize me? Do their eyes wander when we meet? Do they look at me and think, where do I know you from?…….ooooh!

Tinkeyes 1 year ago

I shared a hospital room with a gang banger when I had my third child. She was very nice when it was just the two of us, but when her friends visited, oh my! The foul talk and language!

On the plus side, my lactation consultant was amazing!

Nicole Bartolomeo Shearing 1 year ago

Oh the one who makes sure your not hemorrhaging to death?

Misty Rodems 1 year ago

No, THANK YOU! :-)

Hallie Williams 1 year ago

How the heck does anyone even remember anyone they encounter while giving birth?! You’re all awesome!

Clarissa 1 year ago

Oh my gosh yes… My Nazi LC insisted football hold was the only way, thanks for single handedly killing my breastfeeding experience as that was very uncomfortable and you insisted it was the only way (ended up formula feeding)… If the LC tries to do that this time she will be told to leave the room

Lydia Quinones 1 year ago

I had really great care, except for lactation consultants. With my first child, a nazi. With my second child (and at a different hospital), one that didn’t seem to want to help. Needless to say, second child got formula within two days …

Erin Zielenski 1 year ago

The exuberant resident who knows nothing but really loves looking at your snatch.

Esther Renea Poole 1 year ago

The NICU nurse that waited for my son to be born and promised to be keep me updated as they moved him to the local children’s hospital. She gave me her personal number . She sent me pics and texts through the whole process and did not leave his side til I was okayed to be with him. she even came down to collect my breast milk before his feedings. Her name was Tiffany! So glad she was on duty that day.

Paco Kajime 1 year ago

So true!

Lareina Harris Clark 1 year ago

I’m just adding to the list. I personally only had one super rude nurse. The rest including the NICU nurses were beyond awesome. I called everyone who rushed into my room The NASCAR pit crew!!!

Lareina Harris Clark 1 year ago

The vampires who draw your blood 50x a day!!

Katie Bhargava 1 year ago

I was there for 29 days…I got to meet everyone!! The volunteers that stopped in to drop of snacks, flowers, and other goodies were fantastic though! I was lucky to be surrounded by great people all the way around!

Lydia Lettrick 1 year ago

Wow

Jennifer Kitchen Morante 1 year ago

NLC!!! She was the worst!!

Mandy Beal Kratzer 1 year ago

The Nazi LD nurse/wannabe LC/you can’t breastfeed just give him a bottle.

Cheryl Osgood 1 year ago

I didn’t meet any of these people when I had my baby a couple months ago. I did however meet the painfully thorough nurse who didn’t appreciate any of us trying to lighten up the mood, or any of our lighthearted humor. She was very serious and very, very thorough.

Hannah Fabiani 1 year ago

The nazi LC omg lol! I called mine “the dragon lady” and she violently smashed my new baby’s little face onto my tender breasts at least three times, causing him to get scared and bite me every time. Thanks nazi LC, you were soooo “helpful” :/

Henry S. Waddlebottom 1 year ago

Your REAL mother-in-law. Not the fake one who pretends to respect your privacy and personal space. Not the one who stood at your wedding and made sure everyone knew she was “giving” her son to you and taking a step back. No, no, no, that one is looooong gone. This real mother-in-law bullies the nurses and insists on being in the room while you are doing all the unpleasant things associated with giving birth -all while your own mother waits patiently outside the door because you clearly expressed that you wanted no one in the room with you. Real mother-in-law argues with you AND your doctor about whether you need a C- section after these mere 36 hours of hard labor. After all, she gave birth to four and never needed a cesarean -just heavy narcotics by the truckload. She is the one you’ll meet in the delivery room, while your husband leaves your side to go get HER a cup of coffee because you’re “taking so long” and she’s having trouble keeping herself awake. She’s the one who will actually look herself to see if your water really broke. She’s charming like that. Yes, the real mother-in-law who does these things is the one you’ll meet while in the delivery room. She’ll likely never be seen again, and no one but you will ever believe she really exists. But she does. Believe me, she’s in there.

Melinda Moncada 1 year ago

I would hope that most women have one more person in the hospital with them – the “Supportive and Awesome Doula” by their side. Especially considering doulas are clinically proven to shorten labor and reduce need for medical interventions 😉

Tiffany Weiss 1 year ago

How about the nurse who saves ur babies life! She is never recognized as doing such! It seems that all of this Hollywood treatment is all patients expect and want. Sure we may not be all sunshine and rainbows, but did u ever think that a nurse just held the hand of a mother that just lost her baby and is still holding back her tears!!! Have some respect for the nurses who will save u or ur babies life no matter how bad u treated her or other staff!!!! We do what we do bc we love to help others! Not one nurse is there bc she wanted to be rude, remember u never know what just happened to one of her other patient!

Michelle Frittitta Adams 1 year ago

I LOVE this! It MUST be said, one can never underestimate the importance of high thread count sheets.

Bonnie Thompson 1 year ago

I’d like to add : The School “friend” you thought had moved out of the country but was unexpectedly back who speaks with an incredibly horrible Texan accent even though she was born Canadian and lived here for 35 of her 36 lives …. *breathe* (she’s similar to the chatty Cathy)

Kimberly Vonderharr 1 year ago

The LC who refused to leave the room after being politely asked because I was STILL nursing my 18 month old and she had the nerve to say “well that’s different from nursing a newborn”…well DUH! She didn’t come out at 18 months…fairly positive I have some experience with feeding a baby at this point.

Jen 1 year ago

The young mother (21, but acted 14) that calls the nurse every 5 minutes because her baby’s head goes bright red when he cries. Not nice when you can’t get out of bed yet because of stitching from here to Tokyo..

Lori O’Donnell Moritz 1 year ago

The computer technician…and his high school co-op student. I don’t think there was anyone in that hospital that DIDN’T see my cooter!

Jenny Clark 1 year ago

Uhg…the Nazi lactation consultants are the worst…and yes, they are all Nazis

Lori O’Donnell Moritz 1 year ago

Omg. That one was across the hall from me! I offered the nurses $100 for whoever could shoot the rabid hyena first!! She was worse than the actual labour!!

Gillian Holmes 1 year ago

Afterwards if your in the uk it’s the irritating overly familiar bounty people!!

Laura Lukasik Pipitone 1 year ago

The Litigious- the person that is always pointing out the various reasons the hospital screwed up and why you should sue (no matter how minor the reason).

Liz 1 year ago

Yep, the pushy lactation consultant. I had post partum preeclampsia and was leveled by the magnesium treatment during which I felt too ill to breast feed. I told the LC this and she said, but why didn’t you push yourself to breast feed anyway? Thanks for the empathy!

Ashley Minorics 1 year ago

The 3am nurse who should learn when to shut the hell up. “Come on Betsy.. Time to milk those utters!” …how about I punch you in your utter lady?

Bethany Serwe 1 year ago

Oh I love the ‘volunteers’ that come in to your room post pardum.. Umm I had someone from like a church group or something come in.. Get the F out, I just had a baby!

Sarah Fritz-Maldonado 1 year ago

The uninvited guest or the child that doesn’t belong to you but ends up in your room… I’d like to meet the person who brings me food …. Last delivery was 36 hrs w/out food lol I was starving

Cindy Montgomery 1 year ago

OMG I was in labor with my 6th. SIXTH… and this little teenybopper nurse kept telling me that I would push better lying flat on my back. Finally I said, “Just tell the truth… it’s easier for you guys, not for me….” and then I was like hell with it, this is #6, I could probably push him out standing on my head, just get it overwith… and I pushed as hard as I could. The teenybopper had to deal with a crowning baby and a frantic call to get the doctor in there.

Cheryl 1 year ago

With my first I was 19 and so I also met the Judgmental not-that-elderly Nurse but mine also came with a big fat in a I-can’t-believe-you’re-not-breastfeeding Nazi mixed in. She even flat out told me I wasn’t feeding my baby right after he puked after a feeding. Turned out he needed a formula change.

I also had the There’s-nothing-else-going-on-right-now Birth Spectators. There was only 1 other woman in labor when I was so the nurses who weren’t on my case kept peeking in.

With my second I was having some chest pains and in walks the “Belligerent Ultrasound Twins” Even the cardiologist was disgusted when they insisted they needed a better picture of my heart via a tube down my throat. He even said “Can’t you see she’s trying to have a baby here”

By the time my third was born, all I wanted was quiet. In fact I begged my Dr not to have any people there besides the nurse, my husband, and her. Thankfully I got what I wanted that time.

Connie Murphy 1 year ago

The student that was in my room. Poor kid will probably never have children :s lol

Becca Tirre Montes 1 year ago

The bitchy nurse who judges you for taking Tylenol with codeine after your c section, admonishing you not to form an addiction.

Nom DePlume 1 year ago

Nazi Midwife who refuses to allow you to have an epidural, even though baby is backwards and grinding his skull down your spine for hours.

Kelly Goode 1 year ago

The very young labor and delivery nurse who was too preoccupied with my blood sugar to pay attention when my doula said they baby was crowning. (Doula caught the baby)

carrie sumner 1 year ago

I gave birth in the south of france… and I had at least 2 midwifes (sage femme) coming in every 2-3 hours, without knocking, checking my breastfeeding schedule. Basically I had about 10 Nazi LC, and each one would tell me I am doing it wrong then proceed to tell me a different way of doing it. One would say I am feeding him too long, another would say not long enough… In the end, my baby lost 10% of his body weight, and they wouldn’t release me from the hospital until I began supplementing with formula. I was in the hospital for 6 days after giving natural birth to a healthy 8 pound baby. Then I had to have a sage femme (nazi LC) come to my home every day after for 7 days to check on me…

Erica Read Miller 1 year ago

The Male Lactation Consultant… No, really.

Kristy Bowers Hendzel 1 year ago

The three am screamer.

Abigail Metcalfe 1 year ago

The nimble fingered anaesthetist & his magic cocktail of drugs….what a guy, I could have snogged him there & then! :)

Sheila Kowalewski 1 year ago

I had a nosy janitor ask me if my baby’s daddy was Chinese because she “sure looks kinda Asian.” No, janitor lady, neither my husband or I are Asian, but thanks?

Jen Aldrovandi 1 year ago

THe ‘know it all just out of school nurse’ who disregards your wishes as a mother.

Sarah O’ Toole 1 year ago

Young nurse, not fires lol

Nicole Ochoa 1 year ago

That mom who actually does give birth like they do in the movies… Screaming and cursing at the top of her lungs O_o

Jen Nelson 1 year ago

My amazing OB who cancelled her trip to Vegas so she could stay and delivery my baby because she knew I was very sick and completely terrified instead of leaving me with her partner.

Megan McMacken 1 year ago

The beautiful L&D nurse who holds your hand and cries with you while being induced to deliver your stillborn baby. Karen, you were an angel in floral scrubs.

Sarah O’ Toole 1 year ago

The young fires who had to sit in the corner so she wouldn’t pass out while the doctors were trying to get my epidural in, lol

Stephanie Jankowski 1 year ago

I wanted home births, too, but insurance said NEGATIVE! Though, at home, I’d have to deal with two barking dogs and two inquisitive toddlers. That would make a great blog post, eh?! 😉

Sarah O’ Toole 1 year ago

The sweet night shift nurse who wanted a baby of her own but couldn’t have one so she paid extra TCL to my baby who was jaundice. I saw her a few years later at the mall, she didn’t recognize me but I never forgot her. She had a baby of her own, I was so happy for her

Lady stork 1 year ago

I didn’t run most of these but I did have nurse asking if I regretted not getting an epidural when I was 9cm with no more than 30 seconds in between contractions. The other nurse let her know it wasn’t a good time. She said “I thought it was okay because she was between contractions”
For the record I don’t regret it but I did question it for about 20 minutes and that was right in the middle. I’m glad the other nurse was there or I might have lost it.

Nara 1 year ago

Doctor Awesome: the kindest, smartest, most compassionate doctor ever… Until your case is no longer life threatening, where they become Doctor Nice But I Ain’t Got Time For Ya. At least they saved your life.

The Best Nurse Ever: Responds to the call bell in seconds. Always bring ginger ale and a warm blanket. Tells you everything. Amazing at every procedure, gets every IV on the first try. Makes mincemeat out of residents who try and give stupid orders.

The Resident: thy come in Awesome ignorant, and overly enthusiastic models. While the first is safe, one will inform you, blase and full of contempt, that your post partum hemorrhage is normal, and the other will excitedly inform you that he believes you have an ultra-rare form of cancer, isn’t that excellent??

The Mean NICU nurse: put away the phone, did you wash your hands, why did you miss that last feed? She believes your NICU parenting is a disgrace and wants you to know it.

The Amazing NICU nurse: here , take a picture! Hold her! Oh, don’t worry about that! Supportive, helpful, sweet.

Shaina Adams 1 year ago

The creepy resident; following your case, wanted to watch your birth for training, ends up holding a leg, and “checking” up on you all the time!!!

Shannon McIlvain 1 year ago

“Valid complaint, but I’m going to focus my anger on this Greek yogurt craze. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO FRUIT-ON-THE-BOTTOM?”
You have to pick your battles! FYI, I found Greek yogurt with fruit on the bottom.

Shannon McIlvain 1 year ago

Mine was Marlene too!

Lisa Mobley Webster 1 year ago

Now let’s see what the nurses and doctors have to say about the 10 types of patients they meet in the hospital!

Amber Nicole 1 year ago

I’ve had 4 kids and the only one of these I’ve met is the annoying Photog I absolutely loved all the staff that took care of me.

Shannon 1 year ago

I had the forgetful nurse, repeatedly. I would be waiting for my next dose of pain meds and after an hour went by, I had to call for them. I actually heard her say when she was outside my room that she had forgotten all about me. Didn’t even come in and check in with me when she came in that night.

I also had them forget to order breakfast trays for me the four out of five times I was in the hospital to have babies., and then they would try to find me a “little something” to hold me over until lunch, but they never would.

Tania Muller Basson 1 year ago

The univited guest. That random person the lives in your area, that you saw that one time at church and you have no idea how she knows you were even pregnant. But now she comes with flowers and long uncomfortable silences.

Stacey Ambrefe 1 year ago

Construction workers. Yup. Hospital was doing construction to l&d when I delivered my first

Connie 1 year ago

I had a ton of wonderful staff helping me. However, I totally agree with the Nazi LC comment (I used that term too–it must be universal). I was told by the surgeon who did my breast reduction that I would likely not be able to breastfeed. Still, I tried to pump at the hospital more than once–nothing–not one drop. I decided to give up and use formula. My efforts were deemed insufficient by Nazi LC who made me feel like the laziest, most uncaring soul alive for not trying more. I never leaked and I never felt pain from drying up, so I’m pretty sure I was right. Give mothers a break!

Jacquelyn Randall 1 year ago

Kitchen dietician

When Crazy Meets Exhaustion 1 year ago

How could I forgot about her?! YES!!!!!

Kim Pitts 1 year ago

Nurse with the worlds shortest fingers who wanted to check to see if you were dilated. She comes back looking for her watch.

When Crazy Meets Exhaustion 1 year ago

I was at Magee!!!! (Though I didn’t experience any fabulous Marlenes…at least this time around!) 😉

Ginny Schultz Vandenburg 1 year ago

The uninvited/unexpected visitor. The work colleague/neighbor/cousin who has very good intentions and just wants to pay a visit, but didn’t bother asking first. You don’t feel right turning them away, but you really hope they get the hint that you don’t want them to stay long. I had a few of these when my appendix ruptured the week after I delivered my daughter. Let me tell you, you do NOT want unexpected visitors when you have multiple hoses stitched into your abdomen draining infection for 7 days straight and an 8-inch incision that renders you unable to do so much as sneeze without wanting to die.

Shelley Dornes 1 year ago

I had a great experience except for the LC. She kept pinching my boob really hard to get stuff out before my milk came in. Thank God she changed shifts.

Briana Erin Fischer 1 year ago

#6 was the thorn in my side after my first child. I wanted desperately to breast feed my son but the lactation consultant that can best be described as Roz from Monsters Inc was less than helpful. She had a terrifying demeanor and only made me feel worse that we were having latch issues rather than helping. I was in tears when she left my room. I prescribe a better bedside manor or a stick-up-butt removal ASAP.

Brittany Zalewski 1 year ago

Janette Vincent…Magee Women’s Hospital in Pittsburgh PA? I friend of mine has a friend who also is a nurse there told me my precious Marlene actually moved to California

Michael Cheri Pitts 1 year ago

I had a nurse when I was hospitalized in premature labor (bedrest in hospital till my son was born) come in at about 730 every day she worked and open up the curtains and announce “its time to get up!” Mind you I was told I only had bathroom privileges so getting up meant nothing. I loved having the.curtains opened in the afternoon but in the morning it would make the sun shine right in my eyes. This nurse didn’t understand and she would get mad when I closed the curtains…. needless to say I made sure after a week of that to tell them she was not allowed to be my nurse.

Sarah 1 year ago

The majority of the staff were absolutely wonderful both times I gave birth. That being said, the first time around, my day nurse in L&D was scary and a bully. It didn’t matter how much pain I was in, I wasn’t allowed to move or complain. She kept telling my family they had to leave to the point my dr stepped in and said they were welcome to stay. She even tried telling my dr that she was wrong. Thank goodness for my night nurse who was the polar opposite!

Jessica 1 year ago

I had a great team of doctors and a wonderful anesthesiologist BUT my nurses (who were on shift rotation) were freaking terrible. My daughter was born a month premature but she was full term size and very healthy. While I was waiting to be induced, my best friend (who also happens to be a phenomenal nurse) asked me how I was feeling about everything and I responded that I felt calm, that I knew my little girl was healthy and even though she was coming early, she was a healthy weight and size so I wasn’t worried. The nurse who was in the room at the time said, “Just because she weighs more than normal doesn’t mean she won’t have other problems that preemies have, like poor brain development” Um what the FUCK?! My best friend and I just sat there dumbfounded that a nurse would even try to ruffle the feathers of a calm woman who was in labor. Then, after I gave birth I was in poor shape from all of the medication and just felt like I was going to die. One of the nurses offered to take my daughter for a little bit so I could get some sleep, but when she returned (at four in the morning) she flipped on the lights and started screaming “Ok she’s jaundiced so you need to wake up and feed, feed, feed!” as she clapped her hands obnoxiously. That was how I woke up. I then felt like the most awful mother ever and started crying that my baby might die because I had been sleeping, until my doctor arrived a bit later and said the nurse had overreacted and that my little girl would be just fine. There were many more, but those were the two that stood out in my mind. You get the feeling that they hate what they do sometimes.

Korinne Anderson Armour 1 year ago

The baby’s entourage. I swear the second mine were born 10 new techs stormed in to clean, measure, weigh and whatever else they did to wrap them into their little mini corn dog state of perfection before handing them back to me.

Dena Stelly 1 year ago

Elizabeth, be careful. My husband had a heart murmur because of a stupid nurse making my MIL keep her legs crossed because the doctor wasn’t there. Thank God all nurses are not aholes.

Debby 1 year ago

I had the anesthesiologist from hell for my first. He had me sitting up, slouched over, while the nurse pulled my shoulders even further onto my knees, by the way, I can normally put my legs behind my head so the problem was not one of flexibility but rather comfort, and he was back there trying to make small talk while hemming and hawing about something and every other phrase was “Can you stop tensing for a minute?” I politely told him through clenched teeth while trying to keep my unborn child down, “If you cannot hurry up there will be the world’s first recorded birth by regurgitation here today in this hospital” He chose to attempt the epidural while I was hooked up to Pitocin during the induction and then waited until I was almost too far along to place it. Then it took way tooo hard on my left side and to this day, three children and 16 years later, I still have moments when my left leg will simply go numb around the thigh and there’s nothing that can be done for it.

Yamell Galarza 1 year ago

Yes!!!!! The angels!!

Aimee Hempy-De La Cruz 1 year ago

I’m too busy busting out LAUGHING!!!!! This is my fave one so far! And I love so many. This is comical!

Jeanette79 1 year ago

I agree. “Nazi” is such an over-used term.

Olivia Stipe Manke 1 year ago

The elderly grandma nurse who came in at 3 am when I was so tired and rocked my baby for me and stuffed a towel in my nursing gown without asking me when I told her my milk came in. She was so kind and gentle when I was so stressed out.

Misty Rodems 1 year ago

Sometimes if you’re lucky like me, you get the meet the NICU nurses. Heaven sent these angels in the form of nurses to hold and rock your baby (or babies) when you can’t. They patiently explain all the beeps and tubes repeatedly while your drugged brain struggles to comprehend the situation and give you hugs and dry your tears. They help you learn how to cope and often save your new babies life all in a days work.

Allison Diehl 1 year ago

“Hospital Photographer: No means no, woman, now get the hell out.”

Even with a do not disturb sign on my door, this idiot photographer came in and WOKE ME UP.

Jennifer Turner 1 year ago

Lol at the photographer, after just having my first (so I was pretty shell shocked haha) I was just getting my lg to latch with the lactation lady prodding and groping away at my boobies and she just pulled back the curtain and came over to me obviously busy and asked if I was interested in a newborn photo! Um. No…

Amanda Jewett Zekanis 1 year ago

How about your baby?

Stephanie Jankowski 1 year ago

You know, Jess, I wrote this and I can say that I whole-heartedly agree with you. “Lactation Nazi” is just the common lingo from ’round these parts, and while I never really cared for it, it’s just something everyone (including me) says. Doesn’t make it right, though. Thanks for giving us something to think about!

Olivia Stipe Manke 1 year ago

I had one that nearly fainted in the delivery room during my first c-section.

Melissa 1 year ago

Oh good Lord…

Tracy Deming 1 year ago

The arrogant resident who thinks he knows more about giving birth than a 2nd time mom. He refused to see me, sent me home and let’s just say that in the 5 minute drive home I crowned. Barely made it in the house before having a 9.5 lb baby on the couch

Olivia Stipe Manke 1 year ago

Yes! I was very scared and very sick during my first delivery and this angel l&d nurse stayed past shift to assist in my c-section.

Audrey Flud 1 year ago

Number 5 all the way baby!! My husband and I couldn’t decide/agree on a name for our new baby and the paperwork lady comes in pressuring us right at the same time as the photographer lady gets there and is taking forever!!

Shanna Hattaway 1 year ago

Thank goodness for midwives. I had a home birth and didn’t have to deal with anyone’s bs

Autumn Miller 1 year ago

I didn’t have any of these people when I was in the hospital to have my daughter, everyone was extremely nice and perfect, it was awesome

Cienna 1 year ago

I had the EVIL LC. After three weeks in the hospital, my daughter was born extremely premature via c-section. My husband and MIL left so I finally get a bit of sleep and she comes in, wakes me up, and tells me *lovely* little things like “If you don’t provide breast milk for your baby she is going to DIE” and “Your doctor shouldn’t have given you those meds (that kept me pregnant from 27-30 weeks) because they interfere with your milk coming in. You will need to be attached to the hospital grade breast pump 1 hour on, 1 hour off around the clock for 5-7 days to get your milk to come in.” The evil woman had me in hysterics. My OB and the neonatologist both promised me that cases like mine were why formula was invented and that my daughter would be fine without that type of torture. My OB wrote orders forbidding her from talking to me again and if my MIL could have found her there probably would have been assault charges.

Maria Paniagua 1 year ago

Besides one rude nurse, everyone was pleasent. I was actually a little sad to leave the hospital.

Leanne Clayton Seewald 1 year ago

How about Mean old Nurse who angrily asks why you did not take a class on how to cope with labor… As you are asking for an epidural for the past two hours

Sonja Jones 1 year ago

I laughed so hard at this post! :)

Melissa 1 year ago

I had the “extremely task orientated” staff member after my delivery.

I’m pacing the room trying to soothe the screaming newborn.

But damnit, she was going to take my blood pressure, heart rate & temp! Yes, dear, these measurements are important, but they will hardly be accurate at the moment. Besides, I’m not stopping my pacing that is barely keeping a lid on the scream machine in my arms.

Keyra Feliz 1 year ago

Amen to that! I met every single one… Don’t forget the lady who brings you food at 7am to bring your breaksfast… God forbid you for telling her something she won’t like, otherwise you’ll be having breakfasts at 11am

Alissa Schaub-Rimel 1 year ago

The woman who comes to take your son to get circumcised, even though she’s got the consent form in her hand that says we declined the procedure. Lesson-always ask where they’re taking your baby and why.

Heather Smith 1 year ago

What I’ve learned from these comments is all anesthesiologists are kind of weird but really funny. Both of mine were. Ha.

Katie 1 year ago

“Ancient Evil Nurse” responded to the call button when my <1 day old son PROJECTILE vomited all over me, the bed and the floor. She lectured and chastised this brand new, completely freaked out mama, saying it was obviously my fault and I had over-fed him. Huh? I was in tears. Turns out, my son had an acid reflux problem that went undiagnosed for a day because she was so mean (and wrong!!!)!

Lex Hodges 1 year ago

Unwelcome visitors who won’t take the hint to leave!

Janette Vincent 1 year ago

My aunt is a l&d nurse and her name is Marlene! I wonder if it was her??

Crystal May 1 year ago

Fast delivery happened to me twice. At least the second time around they knew from experience (from the chart) that I wouldn’t take long to reach end stages of labor so they’d better be on the ball. I *still* wound up with a nurse delivering because the doctor couldn’t make it in time (but only after I threatened to get off the bed and give birth by myself if they didn’t stop holding that god awful towel on my baby’s head trying to keep him from coming out!). “Don’t push… Stop pushing.. ” “I’M NOT PUSHING.. it’s the contractions.. get that @%)&@$&!@)*% towel away from me!!!” Any idea how bad it hurts to have someone “holding in” the baby sans pain medications? I’m just a right little gem when I’m giving birth, yes ma’am. 😉

Kimberly A. Phillips 1 year ago

The most memorable experience was meeting an elderly woman who had cancer. I was in for kidney stones and we shared a room. She told me about a restaurant her family had run, about her life, her family, her history. We were there together for two days. I didn’t know she had cancer until they asked her if she had a ride home. We were leaving at the same time so I asked if she needed a ride. Her neighbor’s son was coming for her, she said they always helped her and would help her now. her children had all moved far away so she was alone. We hugged and I told her I was so happy to meet her. She hugged me really tightly, I remember because she seemed so frail but she had a grip on me. She said I’m so happy to have made a new friend. She had tears in her eyes and told me to take care of my family. I told her I would like to come see her or call her. She said Oh child don’t worry about me , I’m going home to die, gonna meet my maker, I’ll be fine ! I still tear up thinking about it. I will always remember her !

Charlene Carolina 1 year ago

The nurse in training. This bitch could not hit a vein if it had a bullseye on it. Same nurse yanks your IV out only to cause blood spatter that rivals what you see on CSI in which instant she comments “well thats the vein i should have drawn blood from”

Jess Lynne 1 year ago

And has no regard for how much she’s hurting you!

Jett Dixon 1 year ago

We must have given birth at the same hospital. 😉

Melissa 1 year ago

You. I like you. LOL! “After all, it’s just a little pressure”

Krissy Furry 1 year ago

I had my ballbladder out after my second pregnancy and now I do poop right after drinking a cup of coffee. I never put the two together lol

Stacey Williams 1 year ago

I had the lady come in to a room full of visitors wanting to discuss my co-payment. Ya I get it. I owe you a thousand bucks but my payment plan or financial matters if any kind are not to be talked about in the midst of company. I could have choked the B!!!

Krissy Furry 1 year ago

With my first kid, the nurse told me that most first time moms have about 2 hours of pushing ahead of them so the doctors like to have you already pushing when they get there. I pushed twice and was yelled at to stop because the doctor wasn’t there yet and my son was already crowning.

Charlene Carolina 1 year ago

The awnry night nurse who begrudgingly answers your push button cries for help in the middle of the night post c section because your hydrocodone cocktail has worn off and you are burning waist down. Despite your begging for the good drugs, sincr you have royally pissed her off and interrupted her lunch break, said nurse only gives you ibuprofen and tells you we will reassess pain in morning as she closes your room door cackling…

Sharon 1 year ago

Ten more reasons I’m glad I had home births. LOL Thanks for the humorous look into the hospital. <3

Amber 1 year ago

Yah.. my anesthesiologist was a pain too. He was yelling at me for flinching the tiniest amount while having back-back contractions. With my first I couldn’t even bend over because again, I have intense/fast contractions and it didn’t bother him…though I don’t think he got it in in time or poorly as I felt everything, I was literally pushing a minute later though… Dang hard fast labors. Still, they shouldn’t yell at you.

I’d like to add the hot doctor to the list. When he walked in to check on me I swore I saw doves fly out from behind him. Even my husband was drooling. You know how hard it is to suck in your gut while in labor? hahah. I didn’t even hear a word he said.

Margaret Keenan 1 year ago

The nurses who remember you from the last time you were there and keep your file so they can be your nurse!!

Sara Budzyn 1 year ago

The characters! I still remember!

The roommate who calls every family member across the sea to individually share her birth story. In full glorious detail. Every family member. All.night.long.

The lactation consultant who grabs your boob and THEN introduces herself.

The guy that walks in at 4 a.m. to draw your blood. Every patient hates his ass, but he is calm and pleasant. No one knows what he looks like…just a blur of shadow.

The nurse who is adamant that you are “still at 5”, even if you are at 10. How many babies have burst out onto her unsuspecting face? We’ll never know.

That one nurse who stays by your side and defends you when visitors become a burden. She’s the ultimate MIL-deflector. Too bad you can’t keep her for the rest of your marriage.

That one nurse who, after everyone clears the room to see the baby get a bath, offers you a sandwich and a fresh pillow. You love her more than everyone else at that moment.

That anesthesiologist with an odd but good sense of humor. Too bad laughing during an epidural insertion is bad!

The OBGYN who argues with his teenage daughter over the cell phone WHILE you are pushing. Asshole.

The lady who comes to the hospital too late who is screaming bloody murder as they wheel her down the hall. Holy crap that’s what to expect?

The nurse that shares all the horror stories. So cool to hear that last week a father fainted and died two minutes before the mom gave birth! Thanks!

The nurse that admits that some patients bug the crap out of them and they created a colored star sticker code on their office board to identify asshole patients!

So many more!

Emily Edris Patrick 1 year ago

The anesthesiologist who tells you to “just relax” when you’re having your twins 10 weeks early, your body is failing and you are told your hubs isn’t allowed in the or with you for support. Yeah, I wanted to shove a needle in her eye!

Sandi Browning Graser 1 year ago

I met the only ones that mattered: my precious baby girls, now 20 & 24 but it seems like it was yesterday that I first held them in my arms. Love you girls!

Jess 1 year ago

So I know this is funny. I would have laughed out loud but my kid is considering a nap and I do not mess with that. But can we find some other descriptor for the over zealous and slightly (or more-than-slightly) mean, brusque, or dismissive lactation consultant than “Nazi”? Because no matter how authoritarian and evil that person may seem while in your room, manhandling the girls, comparing that to the atrocities committed by actual nazis just rubs me (and others, I’m sure) the wrong way.

I’m cool calling that person an asshole. When I was in the hospital after my second, I chased the LC out of my room because she wanted me to wake up my sleeping baby and make him nurse to “see how things are going because I might not be able to come by later.”

Angie Beth 1 year ago

The nurse you have to hunt down if you need something. She maybe came in once on her 12 hour shift. The older nurse that thinks she knows everything.

Nicole Mueller 1 year ago

It’s a hack of a journey you take as a NICU momma. It takes a special momma to go through what you went through. One of my twins spend just a few days in NICU, but it was my NICU… With my best friends caring for my baby. I knew everything that was happening… What orders to expect…. What would happen next…. Never saw an unfamiliar face…. I could never imagine what y’all go through.

Emily Edris Patrick 1 year ago

Amazing nicu nurses and respiratory therapists who save your preemie babies’ lives!!

Christine Wells 1 year ago

Crystal that happened to me too. My husband was getting so mad because I kept telling her that I felt I needed to push. And when she finally checked and screaming at her, my son was already crowning

Jannan Coe Bland 1 year ago

The nurse who barges into your room without ever knocking and tries to give your baby formula that he doesn’t need. Out!!!!!

Christine Wells 1 year ago

I never even met the doctor who delivered my son! She was in and out of there so fast that I never even got her name she looked like. As a new mother that would have been nice!

Malyssa Mays 1 year ago

The MISSING Lactation Consultant…. asked repeatedly, multiple times a day to speak to one when I realized my son was having latch issues, and after the pediatrician said he had a tongue tie. Multiple times I was told by the nurse oh they’ll be up on the PP unit this afternoon… tomorrow morning….this afternoon… oh you’re getting discharged before they get here tomorrow. You’ll see them at your postpartum appointment. And the rude housekeeping person who doesn’t speak to you at all, despite your asking them specifically to NOT move your child around and throws away your lunch before you’ve even gotten to it because someone was doing the hearing test.

Kimberly A. Phillips 1 year ago

My Mom had my brother in the hallway by the front doors, doctor had only one glove on and he wasn’t an OBGYN. I think he was a foot doctor ?? They were really busy that day ! LMAO !

Megan Currie-Bluhm 1 year ago

You forgot the anesthesiologist- the person who sticks a large needle into your back while your having massive contractions or who misses entirely and has to return to poke you again!

Leah 1 year ago

How about the Mean Nurse? I had a nurse that INSISTED that tylenol was enough for my nearly third degree tear. She said, “Most women are fine with just tylenol, you don’t need anything stronger.” She routinely made me wait hours after the drugs had worn off before giving me another dose. Um, yes I do bitch, my downstairs business was ripped in two. So how about you get the hell out and call my doctor about getting me an rx so that I don’t punch your stupid face? I had her both evenings, and made my husband deal with her – because I had ZERO patience for Mean Nurse.

Ashley Marie Steinkamp 1 year ago

My foreign med student that spoke very broken English told me they were taking me back for an emergency C and got me all dressed and got herself dressed. My husband and family had JUST left for lunch and weren’t answering their phones. I went into a full blown panic attack and they had to put me on oxygen and give me meds to calm me down. My OB comes in and tells me the student jumped the gun. That my C wouldn’t be for HOURS. Could have murdered that kid.

Crystal Miller 1 year ago

My twins spent a month in the nicu.. The nurses there were amazing! It takes a special someone to do such a job..

Keri Schrimpf 1 year ago

The loud talker…the helpful nurse who comes into your room when it’s the middle of the night and you’re trying to sleep while the epidural is working away and she flips on the lights and is SO loud.

Rebeca Cläwson-Rodríguez 1 year ago

Just a bunch of bitches! That’s what I had last time! Hated my experience never had a baby again! first time had a hand full of bitches and the second time half of them are bitches and half of them were actually very nice. if they really don’t like that job they should work in geriatrics!

Hayley Durgan 1 year ago

The nurse who takes the time to barge in when I have company and demands I feed my sleeping baby but takes an hour to come to me when I think I’ve ripped open my staples.

Theresa Williams 1 year ago

I had a nurse tell me that I couldn’t have back labour and that ice and yoga wouldn’t help. I had a friend of mine buy me one of those big bags of ice from the grocery store and I laid on it until it melted everywhere! What a mess but it did help and then another nurse told it was ok that I could keep doing what helped me.

Alana Farmer 1 year ago

In a ward room ‘has a million visitors lady’ thankfully they were all nice but you could barely move through the room!

Steffi Gilfillan 1 year ago

The ‘martyr’ : no matter what you went through her experience is 10x worse despite what reality would tell you

Kelsey Bishop Whited 1 year ago

I had an amazing nurse when I was in labor. So freaking nice! It went downhill after that. I had the Nazi LC who actually said “you don’t know what the hell you are doing do you?” And rolled her eyes and stomped off after I started to cry from her being a b. After she left it was all good.

Crystal Miller 1 year ago

I had twins and they spent a month in the nicu… Over that month I met so many ppl that had an auntie’s cousin’s best friends sisters neighbor that also had twins!

Lynann Everett 1 year ago

The anesthesiologist. God Bless that epidural. When that beautiful twenty-inch long needle gets inserted in your back and you barely feel it because this angel-in-scrubs timed it exactly in the middle of a contraction you feel like you want to jump up and hug him…which I probably would have done had I not lost all feeling in my legs. And be friends with him (or her). They have access to drugs – and not just pain killers. Because when you are in the middle of a C-section and feel like you are going to throw up, that anti-nausea stuff in your IV works wonders in 3.5 seconds flat.

Cheri Goodman 1 year ago

Had the same happen when I had my second. But my nurse was sweet and didn’t contradict me, she was just shocked how fast things turned within a minute.

mcbIL 1 year ago

With first c-section, the asshole anesthesiologist (who was the replacement for the one who couldn’t get the line in). He yelled my husband out of the room and then yelled at the nurse I was leaning on (“She is shaking! Tell her to stop shaking!”). I also remember him saying that it was his last day before retirement. Lucky me!

Nicole Mueller 1 year ago

And we love our L&D ladies!!

Sara Carter 1 year ago

The completely unhelpful LC who insists that breastfeeding is probably going to be difficult or impossible simply because the baby is premature. This was after having an emergency C-section at 34 weeks and not even being able to see or touch my baby, who was in the NICU, since I couldn’t get out of bed. My (awesome) postpartum nurse came in after she left, found me sobbing, and made a complaint on my behalf against the LC.

Nichole Ferello 1 year ago

I had one who took 7 tries to find a vein for my IV for my group B strep. I was patient but it was ridiculous. Inside I was like, “just do it already!”

Brittany Zalewski 1 year ago

I’m a nursing student and L&D is my first choice :)

Cheri Goodman 1 year ago

The anesthesiologist who thinks they know your level of pain. And when you tell them you’re hurting badly, and they tell you it’s not that bad. REALLY?!?!!! And you can feel my level of pain?!?!???

Elizabeth Allen Jones 1 year ago

L&D nurse here. I’ve been a NICU nurse (10 years ago). I can tell you the L&D chicks LOVE our NICU ladies!!!!! Thanks for all you do:)!!!!!

Theresa Williams 1 year ago

I too had the naïve med student. She was given the go ahead to put my epidural in. (First time pregnancy with unplanned twins) Well, she missed and I screamed some not too nice things. She told me it was my fault that she missed and she would have to do it again. I said a few more choice words and told her if she didn’t get it right this time, then she could just get the hell out! A more senior nurse did it the second time and it was done right. If I wasn’t having twins, I would have never wanted anymore children after that.

Cassandra Kaye 1 year ago

The one nurse who can not shut the door quietly in the middle of the night!

Rebekah Maren 1 year ago

The midwifery intern, Emily, who delivered my sweet boy.

Kimberly Anne 1 year ago

When your pushy SIL who you already have a strained relationship with and thinks she is above the hospital rules, comes in during visiting hours that are for grandparents only. The nurse came in screaming at me for her being there. I was 4 hours postpartum, what could I do? Besides, I wasn’t the one who gave her the pass to come up.

Elizabeth Allen Jones 1 year ago

I’m a L&D nurse and learned 10 years ago when I started working to ALWAYS believe the patient when they say the baby is coming. Even if they are still 3cm, you NEVER EVER KNOW!!!! When our patients call out on the light and say they need to be checked, we come running!!!!!

Kim Dean 1 year ago

Happened with both my kids. So frustrating! It must be because they hear that a lot and it’s usually not the case (I’m going with that lol)

Marie Hong 1 year ago

Definitely met #6!!! Anna, didn’t u say u met her too?

Rebecca 1 year ago

I had the crazy nurse. The one who argued that she was going to give me shot while I was nursing my son. I calmly looked at her and said you can wait till I’m done nursing. I hate needles and don’t want to jar him or drop him. She gave me the evil eye and was getting ready to take him from me while I was nursing when my husband came in and saw that I was upset and calmly told her to get the hell out. He then called our “regular nurse” in and explained what was going on. Yeah the best moment is when that evil/crazy nurse had to come back in and apologize. She was told to leave me alone.

Elizabeth Allen Jones 1 year ago

I’m a L&D nurse. Thank you:)!!!!!

Jamie 1 year ago

I had a nurse like that with my second…I had that strong urge and she says, “it’s your body you can control it, just breathe through it”…I told her I couldn’t, my body was doing this in its own…she said yes you can…I asked her if she had children and she said no…I told her until she pushed a screaming watermelon out of her vagina she needed to shut the fuck up about what I can and can’t do…then she checked me, told me I still had a little lip and couldn’t push yet…my doctor walked in and checked me no more than 30 seconds later and told me to push…Whew…I hated that twit

Michelle Bechky Lynch 1 year ago

Having five kids, I have encountered many of these people. My person least favorite was the anesthesiologist who kept telling me that I wasn’t really feeling sick to my stomach and wasn’t going to vomit. Until I did. On his shoes.

Sarah Hinderliter Lajmoraki 1 year ago

That happened to my sister too!!

Courtney Anderson 1 year ago

The front desk lady and the nurses in triage who think you are being a dramatic FTM. Walked myself into the hospital (with my hubby of course), having ridiculous contractions, and they got me a wheelchair. They wheeled me up to triage ever so slowly, because I was a FTM, coming in two weeks before my due date. They just sat and chit chatted and sent someone in to discuss insurance and all that good stuff, mind you, she’s discussing where we work for fun… I’m dying (well, it felt like it). Finally they send a nurse in leisurely to tell me to change and check me. I don’t think she was expecting me to strip naked in 5 seconds and lay down on the bed. She checked me, low and behold I was 9cm dilated and fully effaced, baby was right there. Then everyone started to panic. Thankfully I got the nurse that makes something scary turn into something beautiful when I was admitted into L&D!

Jacqueline Michelle Moore 1 year ago

The old school nurse who actually takes the baby so you can get some sleep. 32 staple c section, colic STARVING baby because of the NLC and sheer exhaustion. She was a god send! Thanks nurse Nancy ❤️❤️

MikeandKelly Leighton 1 year ago

Mine was Wendy. Coincidently, I was lucky enough to have her for both of my births! :) <3

Brittany Drexler 1 year ago

I’m so glad I didn’t really meet anyone who fit these descriptions. I enjoyed the people that we were in the hospital with (single occupant rooms for the moms and families for privacy) for when I had the kids. Although the LC could have been a little nicer I suppose.

Paola Berdichevsky 1 year ago

NLC!

Barbara Weaver Penland 1 year ago

Lactation Nazi…yup…I ignored her and did just fine on my own…It seems that babies can nurse just fine without being in the football hold. And then there was Drill Sergeant Nurse who yelled at me to stand up straight while I walked down the hall post-C-section with tears pouring down my face. When another nurse asked if I was okay, Drill Sergeant Nurse snapped at her through gritted teeth “she’s fine!” sheesh….sorry my pain is so annoying to you, lady.

Nichole Plank 1 year ago

Baby 1: Nan. Baby 2: Sienna <3

Jolyn 1 year ago

The young girl sharing my room who just had her second child and was more interested in getting outside to have a cigarette than bathing or feeding her baby. And was on the phone with assistance and mad that she would not be able to get formula because they would be closed for a holiday. This was back in the day before private birthing suites. I hope her children did ok.

Emily Winkler McNulty 1 year ago

Add the inappropriate joke telling anesthesiologist!

Stephy 1 year ago

I’d like to add “The Skeptical Resident”….. you know, the resident anesthesiologist that doesn’t believe you when you repeatedly tell them that even with the epidural OMG I FEEL EVERYTHING. They offer up such helpful tidbits as “Did you push the button??” (YES I F’ING PUSHED THE BUTTON. EVERY 20 SECONDS I PUSH THE BUTTON) and “It’s just a little pressure, you’ll be fine.” (FUCK YOU AND YOUR PRESSURE.) After you spend six hours of writhing in pain and screaming, Skeptical Resident finally brings in Sensible Attending who after 30 seconds of doing the “Ice Cube Test” says “Oh yes, she is feeling everything. This epidural is in the wrong spot.”

That was MY favorite person I met at the hospital. To this day, if I see that Skeptical Resident on the street, I WILL punch them. Cause after all, it’s just a little pressure.

Jessica Collins 1 year ago

Yep I had an NLC too. I finally gave up and told them to bring me formula. They were horrified.

Becky Whitton 1 year ago

How about the new mom who had no ideal how to care for her baby. And asks everyone in her line of sight how do u do everuthing

Theresa Byrne 1 year ago

My first baby there was a lactation nazi! She would come in my room while the baby and I slept, wake up the baby and try to latch her. I almost punched that lady. The rest though, all true.

Jamie 1 year ago

I had the: “oh, sorry, I’m in the wrong room”…like really dude, get out

Elizabeth Camana 1 year ago

Same here with my second birth… They had me cross my legs until they can get the doc in

Briana Nance Whitehead 1 year ago

The amazing nurse you wish could come home with you.

Jannelle Spells-Bland 1 year ago

The surgery tech who complains about how much I bled during surgery

Jessica Collins 1 year ago

Ha, my mom said that happened to her when she had me. “I’ve been a nurse for 25 years!” “I’m telling you, this baby is coming out!” lol

Gale Cleary 1 year ago

The amazing night nurse that sits in your room for hours teaching you how to swaddle because you can’t figure it out and you cry about it<3

Kristen McKay James 1 year ago

#5! I had a teenager come in, take the pillows from behind my post c-section back, complain that my 1 day old baby was crying, and make me order a photo package AND pay for it right on the spot. I cannot wait for this to happen to her one day.

Lynnette Ruiz-Redublo 1 year ago

I had them! Yes, them. And they really made me feel horrible because I had issues as well. One doctor even “tsk tsked” me saying it is impossible to not being able to breastfeed. PLUS! The hospital called us up at the house eery so often to check up on our breast feeding schedules and routines! Like, leave me alone to enjoy my baby please! Needless to say I had a rough first few months and spiralled to PPD, aided I’m sure by these peeps.

Corena Kay Wiedmer 1 year ago

I had an absolutely wonderful nurse when I first got there! She was very supportive and held my hand through contractions (when my SO wasn’t there) and made everything seem great! Then shift change happened, and I got a totally opposite nurse :/.

Nancy Dias Greene 1 year ago

The nurse/doc who decides you can’t possibly understand whatever it is they’re conferring about and just says “leave it to us.” Not gonna happen – I need data. Explain it to me; I promise I catch on quick.

Karen Copeland 1 year ago

The 19 year old “I just passed my tests so I know everything there is to know CNA” she will try to lecture you on everything from brushing your teeth to trying to tell you how to sleep……

Caro Keenan 1 year ago

When I had my first child in NZ I had a male Nurse who helped me get the hang of breastfeeding – now that was awkward at first!

Nicole Ticknor 1 year ago

A friend of my husbands was there with his wife and new baby. He decided to come visit and say hi at 11pm as I was trying to breast feed. Walked right on in.

Heather Simonetti 1 year ago

The paper lady…oh yes mam let me fill out that form while I’m doped up and in pain…please let me sign this that I have no clue what it is….GET OUT

Catherine 1 year ago

I had the Nazi Lactation consultant with my son. OMG was she horrible. I also had “Nurse Know It All”. This nurse was young and it was obvious she never had children. When my epi started wearing off and I’m screaming in pain my husband asked her to give me something for the pain. She turned to him and said with a serious attitude “she’s not in pain… its pressure”. DH had to scream at her, that whatever she chooses to call it, it f*****g hurts. We experienced a slight drop in my son’s heart rate and she said as calmly as if she were ordering coffee “i guess we’ll have to do a c-section. His cord is probably wrapped around his neck” (which for the record was wrong and we delivered vaginally). But the absolute best was when I felt that STRONG urge to use the bathroom and told my hubby to get the nurse because I think the baby was ready. She came in, sucked her teeth and said “there’s no way you’re dilated all the way so I know you’re not ready but I guess we’ll check anyway”, Sure enough I was the full 10cm and my son came screaming into the world about an hour later. Bitch!

Danyle Efcavitch 1 year ago

OMG the nazi lactation consultant! So true!

Bernadette Harding Priest 1 year ago

Oh and I had a Nazi LC come in right as they delivered my lunch and she wouldn’t leave. I cried so hard when she left 1 1/2 hours later, I was so hungry.

Lori Burnside Kunkel 1 year ago

The nurses in the nursery insisting that the baby isn’t hungry, he just wants a pacifer.

Christina Barr 1 year ago

The random strangers who tell you horror stories about ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING that can go wrong, for seemingly no other reason than to scare the shit out of you

Sydney Simone Sharkey 1 year ago

The nurse who saves your life helping you pee for the first time in the dark when everyone else is still asleep and the nurse who cannot find your vein until she finally does and sprays your blood all over your sheets :( lol

Julie Yesner Gold 1 year ago

I call #6 the milkmaid mafia. I also met the kooky pediatrician that, when informing her that my son simply would not stop crying, held him up in the air, a la Simba and Mustafa and said in a loud deep voice “Jehovah, heal this child”. If not for the stitches in my belly, I would have taken off running!!!

Nichole Ferello 1 year ago

How about the angels? I mean, each time I had a baby there were certain nurses on staff who made me feel so cared for, as if I was a temporary daughter.

Jessica Paul Gaudiello 1 year ago

I encountered a number of these…the worst being Dr. Zero Bedside Manner who after having a c-section and my daughter in the NICU I was told that I could stay the extra night to be close to her (insurance companies allow 4 nights…even if nothing is wrong). To which Dr. A-hole replied…well there is nothing wrong with you so there is no reason to stay; and the only reason you would stay is if you had a baby in the NICU. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…well I do and when I told him that – he said…I know but there is still no reason to stay. Great thing to say to a mom who is 3 days after a c-section and going to be leaving her baby behind in the NICU for who knows how long!

Regina Corley 1 year ago

Three babies later, I am so thankful I never had to deal with ANY of these characters!

McKenzie Skipper Young 1 year ago

The mean L&D nurse who came in my room the next day to hug my husband for putting up with my crying during 14 hours of intense back labor. She ignored me.
The eccentric anesthesiologist .

Caryn Weinberg Weber 1 year ago

The finance guy disguised as a customer service rep until he asks “So how are we paying today?” An hour after you deliver.

Jillian Wiebe 1 year ago

The roommate that has her husband and sick children come and stay during the ENTIRE duration of visiting hours. They’re watching movies at top volume on their laptop and you’re trying to maneuver around sore after a c section body parts hanging out… or trying to nap because you’re breastfeeding so you were up in the night while she slept soundly. Not to mention her kids were sick and touching and coughing all over my baby’s little bed on wheels and his stuffed animal.

Lake Traasdahl 1 year ago

I had nurse ratchet, rolling her eyes at me and telling me I was stupid for not taking the ibuprofen they were offering especially after natural childbirth (she said this all in a demeaning tone). I said to her “why should I take two pills that I will get charged 50 bucks for when I am only as sore as I would be if I had been on a 10 mile hike?!” She was awfully snippy with me for the rest of my stay.

Nicole Mueller 1 year ago

Bad ass NICU nurse…. Just sayin!! (Um… I’m partial to this one…. As I am a NICU nurse!)

Heather Selva 1 year ago

My 2nd birth, exact story!

Kaydee Moore 1 year ago

When you are leaving the hospital and they parade you down in the wheel chair And you run into that person that tries to touch your baby.

Keeva Williams 1 year ago

I wanted to jump off the table and slap her! The other nurses were looking at her like she was insane! I was a great hospital my mid-wife was great, this bad seed made me remember it in a different way though. UGH! I still remember her face! Man I just had a c-section here! Good grief a little compassion here? LOL! 😀

Chantelle Lafrenière-Reid 1 year ago

LMAO! I had the Lactation Nazi too. Actually they came as a pair. Waking me up every 3 hrs (wtf!) to feed my girl who was also trying to get some shut eye after a difficult day (um, like birth). They grabbed my boob and showed me how to shove it in her mouth, then also showed me ridiculous positions that did not work for us no matter how many times I told them (by the way, this is the 2nd child I breastfed so it was not my first rodeo).

Malecia Walker 1 year ago

I met none of these people at the hospital.

April Arora 1 year ago

The love of your life baby ♡

Liz Bicknell Adelberg 1 year ago

Nazi LC. Yeah, I met her. “You’re doing it wrong”, she said. Well, no sh*t, Sherlock. I hated her.

Gretchen Kunz White 1 year ago

The sweet elderly volunteer lady in the smock who shuffles in and leaves a bag of healthy snacks that will come in handy at 3am.

Crystal May 1 year ago

The nurse who inevitably thinks she knows your body better than you do (I.e., first time mom so of course you have no idea what’s happening to your body)! Ugh. I nearly birthed my oldest right onto the floor because she kept telling me “I just checked you 10 minutes ago and you were only at a 5.” Guess what lady? I said “check me again because I’m tellin ya, something extra special is goin on down there!” Lo and behold “oh my gosh! Somebody page the doctor stat, she’s crowning!!!!” Told ya so. :)

Theresa Loscocco 1 year ago

Ugh! The nerve if that woman!

Stephanie Skinner 1 year ago

Resident doctors. I get that they have to learn somehow, somewhere, but maybe not so much on my post partum self!

Sarah Lennox 1 year ago

The nurse that just comes in to press on your belly every 2 hours. That sucks.

Tiffany Olson 1 year ago

Thankfully-at least compared to this list- I’ve only had to deal with #10. This same nurse is the one who thought she knew better than I did with my babies and what they wanted. My first time around I wasn’t sure on some things but the second time around I KNEW what my little guy wanted and knew ahe was wrong. Ugh! Luckily I only had to deal with her once with each visit but that was more than enough!

Brittany Zalewski 1 year ago

The labor and delivery nurse who holds your hand and makes a scary and painful experience beautiful. 7+ yrs later I still remember her name. Thanks Marlene

Jennifer Liss Martin 1 year ago

You forgot sick nurse. One of my baby nurses was telling me how she was just out sick and was hacking up all over the place. Leave now diseased lady!

Bernadette Harding Priest 1 year ago

No religious leaders at either births. I don’t recall the janitors. I had a modest birth 😉 no one stole my sacred baby joy.

Samantha Rose Stoffelsen 1 year ago

I didn’t meet any of these!

Shannon Espinoza 1 year ago

The naive med students…half of which probably ran away from the ob/gyn practice after witnessing the mess that was the birth of my first. Lol…

Erin Walker 1 year ago

We had what my husband called the lactation nazi. She was very militant about it and made me feel horrible because I was having issues… Then wanted to talk to me about my tablet more than breastfeeding. Yea, hopefully no one else had someone like that.

Fräulein Frühauf 1 year ago

Judgemental elderly nurses. I’m 27 now but as a teen mom the morning staff at the hospital treated me like shit. Their judgment over my age seethed out of them. Some people have no place in healthcare.

Christle Mitchell Crawford 1 year ago

I didn’t meet any of these people. I had a wonderful experience when I delivered my son. My l&d nurse was Amazing!

Dot Whited McCumsey 1 year ago

The crazy church going lady who yanks the crying baby out of your arms & says “let me show you what you’re doing wrong”. She came with the religious leader.

Keeva Williams 1 year ago

I gained 100 lbs during my pregnancy! 100 POUNDS! I lost it in in a 1 1/2. The lady assisting stitching me up after my horrific c-section said, “ooooo you’re a big girl!” I said “I just had a baby”. she said, “girl you must of been big before the baby, I’m a big girl too I know one when I see one. I was a size 8/10 before the baby. NO I wasn’t it was rude as hell! I was so drugged up I forgot to report it. On another note I did have preeclampsia (sp?) and my legs were the size of two of my original legs. I was retaining tons of water.

Blaise Glaze 1 year ago

The baby.

Hayley Fox-Evans 1 year ago

I’m happy to say I didn’t encounter any of these people at the hospital where we delivered both of our kids. Hurrah!