The Most Perfect Baby in the World

by Noelle Newby
Originally Published: 

As we all know, parenthood is a plethora of surprises. But the biggest shock to date occurred a few weeks ago when I was “play-dating” with a group of wonderful mamas and like-aged babies.

The banter went something like this:

“Mr. Dashing just cut a second tooth, can you believe it?”

“Well Precious crawled all the way across the bathroom!”

“Oh my goodness, Angel is just so adorable. Look at those big eyes!”

There I sat, engaged in conversation, but watching my own Nugget handily cruising the playground with a full set of teeth and the planet’s most beautiful, blue-saucer eyes. I was awestruck. These mamas were proudly discussing their mortal offspring with the Adonis of babies standing right in their midst! Then out of nowhere – it hit me – a surprise supreme; other parents think their children are cuter than mine.

I reeled. I pride myself on being an objective, rationale human so of course I’d be an objective, rationale mama, right? And objectively/rationally speaking – my son is perfection personified. People literally stop me to pinch his charmingly chunky thighs and peek-a-boo his sheepishly flirty gaze. You should see his smile, his aforementioned eyes, and the cluster of flaxen hair forming one, perfect curl at the nape of his neck. He’s smart, funny and kind. Even his poop isn’t that bad and adorable its own way.

There was simply no way Mr. Dashing, Precious and Angel could match my Nugget. Poor, misguided mamas.

But wait. I just told myself my kid’s fecal matter was cute. I let that settle.

For a fleeting moment I considered that perhaps all of humanity would cherish Nugget’s mini-nuggets. But while there are few hard and fast rules in this life, the fact that poop ain’t precious is probably safely short-listed. Which left only one option: I must be President/Founder/CEO of the Delusional Mama Club. Well, crap.

Defenses down, I gazed once more at the babes surrounding me. Each was indeed dashing, precious and angelic. Not to mention perfect – both for themselves and their parents, just as mine is for me.

What a sweet surprise.

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