Before I had kids, I spent hours and hours on Twitter for fun. Now that I’m a parent? I spend hours on Twitter for my mental health.
Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but what else am I supposed to do while my kids are home and watching PBS Kids? I know all the songs from Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, and not by choice.
But for the people who love Twitter, we understand that it has some of the funniest people on earth. And when we need to laugh, it’s the first place we go.
And some tweets are so damn good that they go mega viral, with over 100,000 retweets. Here are some of those gems…
This dog, for instance, that has hair I’m pretty jealous of:
My dog's ear is like the perfect picture to show your hairdresser if you want beachy waves and caramel highlights pic.twitter.com/vSuoDqKQ8u
— Kerbie Gibbs (@kerbiegibbs) June 24, 2017
This one about moms that is painfully accurate:
my mom yesterday: do u work tomorrow
my mom today: do u work today
me: yes i already told u
my mom when i'm at work: where are u
— Semra (@SemraDurmisevic) July 15, 2017
This tweet about being able to say what we’re all thinking, literally:
I wish i could say "?????????????????" in real life. It would be very useful.
— ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤalex (@ABlannar) June 9, 2018
Speaking of saying what you’re thinking:
"Wow 3 tattoos.. those are pretty permanent you know"
Me: wow 3 kids… those are pretty damn permanent CAROL
— Emily Barry (@EmiBarry) July 26, 2017
Or this one about the best exchange to ever happen on a plane:
Some baby on this plane is singing the ABCs all out of order and a guy just shouted "yes girl remix!!"
— kelsey (@silence__kit) July 7, 2017
And the best subway tweet ever:
she took the midnight train going anywhere pic.twitter.com/9oxVuBZLId
— ale🦔 (@oafale) August 6, 2017
And here’s the most painfully accurate tweet about driving:
How dare you drive the speed limit when I’m late to something due to my own poor time management skills
— Ava (@avaevanss) May 16, 2018
This tweet about the ideal Uber experience:
Uber driver: ………..
Uber driver: ……….
Me: 5 stars.
— Mohanad Elshieky (@MohanadElshieky) August 6, 2017
And this one about the least ideal Uber experience:
I think my Uber driver is in trouble pic.twitter.com/GxIsapbzyO
— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) July 25, 2017
This tweet is one that anyone with terrible money management skills can relate to:
My debit card is more like a gift card… not sure how much is on this, but we’ll give it a try
— griffin (@MuenchowGriffin) June 20, 2018
Here’s one with some confused chickens:
is he one of us pic.twitter.com/9lkRJu5BUt
— sensitive nerd 10/10 would cuddle/adore (@WiredHoney) May 14, 2018
Here’s the most accurate tweet ever about girls’ showers:
Can someone else confirm that girls have 3 types of showers; a “quick body wash”, a “hair and body shower” and then a proper “exfoliate shave, moisturise, hair mask, face mask, singalong” like it just DEPENDS ON THE TIME AND OCCASION
— Gracey O'Connell ⚡️ (@GraceyOConnell) May 16, 2018
And one about the laundry you’ll probably end up doing:
I know that real adults do multiple loads of laundry for different colored clothes but I’ve been putting all my clothes in at the same time and I’m just saying nothing bad has happened yet
— Em (@heyitsemilyyyy) May 8, 2018
This tweet speaks to my soul:
Movie theater: Please silence your phones.
Me, who hasn't taken my phone off silent since 2012: *double-checks*
— Gayer, Different Aaron (@abgates7) May 22, 2018
Here’s one about the cutest kid ever:
I gave a little kid some frozen yogurt today at work, and his mom says “okay, what do you say?” And he looks me dead in the eyes and says “I love you” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
— frannie (@emmaaraphael) June 9, 2018
Here’s one about the funniest kid:
Riley, you're a genius. pic.twitter.com/Lp3VAf7C2Q
— Joel Willans (@Joelwillans) July 30, 2017
And here’s one about the funniest dad:
Thanks for the clarification, Dad. pic.twitter.com/Y2ulMh7sJV
— Ray (@rayy_baybay) July 21, 2017
And yes, Twitter is more political, but that’s just another reason I love it:
Rosa Parks was not protesting the bus. Gandhi was not protesting the food. The colonists were not protesting tea. Players are not protesting the flag or the anthem. They are protesting injustice.
— KD (@kdreamcatchers) May 24, 2018
And it’s a place where funny people come to take a serious stand:
One thing I know for sure: no one on the right side of history has ever had to nitpick what the definition of “cage” is.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) June 19, 2018
And a place where smart people get to clap back:
But my emails. https://t.co/G7TIWDEG0p
— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) June 14, 2018
And some tweets are more serious:
I just saw a friend post about their struggle with suicide, and a quote in their story was “I came to realize that I didn’t want to die. I just wanted my life as I knew it to end.” I think that sentence is so important. Your life can always take a different path and direction.
— Tex Lindsey (@texlindsey) June 11, 2018
And some are all about people supporting one another:
Check on your strong friends.
Check on your quiet friends.
Check on your "happy" friends.
Check on your creative friends.
Check on each other.
— lauren warren (@iamlaurenp) June 8, 2018