Here’s proof of why Belle should have ended up with Gaston, in the form of a historically factual Powerpoint
When watching Beauty and the Beast, it’s frankly hard to decide who to root for. Every potential romantic storyline in that movie is problematic as all hell. As we all know, Belle eventually succumbs to her Stockholm syndrome and marries the Beast, who is turned back into a prince by the end. But what if things had ended differently? What if Belle should’ve chosen Gaston? And what if there was a historically factual Powerpoint laying out all the reasons why the “villain” was actually the correct husband for our book-loving heroine?
Bless writer and comedian Dana Schwartz, who’s Team Gaston all the way. But not necessarily for the reasons you might expect. Schwartz tweeted out some research, actual scholarly materials to help us all see why Gaston was the correct choice all along — and give us a crash course in French revolutionary history while we’re at it.
Class is in session; let’s begin.
It all started with a simple chart, which showed that of all the Disney villains, Schwartz found Gaston to be the one who was not only one of the hottest, but had the most valid viewpoint.
Which, fair. Gaston wanted to marry Belle because she was pretty, not because of who she was as a person. But he probably would have treated her well. And he never locked her in a dungeon. Plus, he was a total smoke show.
At her followers’ urging, Schwartz went on to share an entire, 16-slide Powerpoint detailing every reason Belle should have chosen Gaston over the Beast, from his hotness to his usefulness to the realities of living in 18th century France. It’s a scholarly masterpiece, and it deserves to speak for itself.
First we have the introduction of both potential husbands, their important characteristics, and a side-by-side comparison.
If we’re just comparing them on the basis of attractiveness and popularity, though, there’s no clear winner. The Beast is a kidnapping psycho who can’t control his emotions, and Gaston is a cocky, sexist, fear-mongering bigot. So this is where Schwartz’s research gets important. It’s time for some historical context.
That’s right. Belle and her husband of choice were lucky enough to be courting at the cusp of the French Revolution. Which, you may recall from Les Mis or Marie Antoinette or maybe even history class if you’re not into period dramas, was not a great time for aristocratic types, like the Beast.
That’s right: Gaston doesn’t look nearly so villain-y once the French aristocracy is overthrown by the starving middle and lower classes. In fact, as a former soldier, he’s likely to be a leader in that revolution. A hero for the starving masses.
And in that context, Schwartz (correctly) posits, Belle’s choice is clear.
As for the prince? Things don’t turn out so great for him in this very realistic and historically factual timeline.
So basically, between this and Hot Jafar, 2019 is the year of the Disney villain. And it’s about damn time the villains, who are just as flawed and real and human as the princes, got the recognition they deserve.