Here I am with my baby bump. And I can’t help but think about how my attitude towards sex has changed from the trying-to-conceive stage to the definitely-pregnant stage.
Five months ago, when I was trying to get pregnant, sex felt like a necessity. It was something that preoccupied my mind and could cause extreme freak-outs if it weren’t done. And that was just general sex. If we’re talking sex during fertile periods, I was a sex monster — and not the good kind.
Of course, a lot of things were different a few months ago. My hormones were not dictated by any other living being. I was free to move around without having to pee every second or difficulty breathing. And the dream of expanding our family from one child to two seemed like a beautiful fairytale.
All of this was made better by the fact that I did not feel and look like a baby whale. You’d be surprised how easy it is for you to get in the mood when at least one of your bras fits. Back then, sex wasn’t uncomfortable — and kinda fun.
Now, I don’t love it so much — even though I want to, and I could use an orgasm more now than ever. I just don’t have the desire or the energy to focus on the bedroom.
Pregnancy sex varies from person to person. It can be great, awful, or a mix of the two. But you can expect things to be different, that’s for sure.
Your libido could be lower.
I am not a fan of the physical or mental effort it takes me to get into the zone for pregnant sex. But I wonder how much of that is pregnancy itself versus a generally lower libido?
There are a ton of pregnant people who are like me, whose desires for sex and affection plummet. I don’t want to be smiled at, I don’t want to hug, and I sure do not want someone else’s body inside of mine.
Sex just doesn’t feel worth it for me these days, and when I do decide to do it, it might be easier to do it myself.
Or your libido could skyrocket.
Some folks have great memories of pregnant sex, especially in the second trimester. “The second trimester, I was just very in the mood for sex,” said Sa’iyda. “I wasn’t a fiend, but I rarely said no if my ex asked. I don’t really know why, but it felt amazing.”
Every pregnancy is different. During the second trimester of my first pregnancy, I was a horndog. I hear it is pretty common for people to be extremely aroused during their second trimester. Some even reported it being the best sex of their life.
In the mid to late stages, you have to be prepared to accommodate the belly.
Although many, likeSa’iyda, experience great sex during pregnancy, she acknowledges that it required creativity to accommodate the bump.
“What worked best for me was sex from behind or me on top. My growing belly wasn’t a hindrance as much, and I wasn’t lying on my back as much,” she said.
Luckily, for those who are interested in having sex while pregnant. A quick Google search can reveal tens, if not hundreds, of variations that allow you to have sex comfortably without putting pressure on your growing belly.
Your partner might find you even sexier.
I like to think I have a pretty body positive partner. He’s never shamed me for weight gain, especially during pregnancy. And he has never done anything to hint or even suggest that pregnancy made me any less attractive to him.
Interestingly, for many partners, pregnancy makes the other partner even more attractive. An example of this is what a queer friend of mine, who prefered not to be named, said about the deep love pregnancy inspired for her partner.
“I was not the pregnant one, but I loved pregnancy sex. The more pregnant my partner got, the more turned on I became. Just as a rule, I think pregnant women are sexy. I have such an appreciation for the love and sacrifice that goes into making a child,” she explained.
Before you knock it, try it!
Having sex while pregnant is different, but it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable or anything less than amazing. If you’re patient with yourself, pay attention to your body’s needs, and keep an open mind, things can go off with a bang.