This Is The Real Sh*t That Puts Your Marriage To The Test

by Toni Hammer
Originally Published: 

On the outside, that perfect couple who lives across the street seem to agree on everything. They’re always smiling, you’ve never seen them argue, and you’re sure their life is straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting. But every relationship has problems and arguments where shit gets real, and you’re both put to the test. I’m talking about things like…

1. Deciding Where to Eat

This is the first real hurdle a relationship will endure. Someone will say they don’t care, but they absolutely do care very much. Someone will say “whatever you want” when they, in fact, want something specific. Why is it so hard for adults to decide what food to consume together?

2. A Sick Partner

It seems that there’s always one person in the relationship who wants to be waited on hand and foot when they’re ill, but they married someone with the maternal instinct of a hammer. The sick person wants to be doted on, and the healthy one just wants to smother the sick one with a pillow unless they shut up, take their NyQuil, and pass out for a few hours.

3. Simultaneously Talking and Listening to the Radio in the Car

Do not touch that dial when my favorite song is on to tell me a funny thing your boss said at lunch yesterday. You can tell me in three minutes when the song is over — or you can learn to drive without eyeballs.

4. Picking Out Furniture

He wants a La-Z-Boy; she wants a chaise lounge. She wants wicker furniture for the patio; he wants something more durable. It’s a miracle everyone doesn’t end up sitting on concrete.

5. Choosing Technology

Roku, Chromecast, Apple, PC, Blu-ray, DVD. Spending such big chunks of change requires a big compromise, and sometimes ends in a cage match in the middle of Best Buy.

6. What to Buy the Kids for Their Birthdays

It’s practically guaranteed that one parent will want to buy the kid something through which the adult can rekindle their youth while the other grown-up will, ya know, get the kid something they actually want. Sorry, kids, parents are complicated.

7. The Right Way to Clean

You think sponges are gross while they think Clorox wipes are a waste of money. And no two people on the planet agree on the “right” way to load a dishwasher.

8. Moving

One person wants to use color-coded labels and a complicated numbering system in order for the move to go smoothly while the other one just wants to throw shit in a garbage bag because, hey, it’s all going to the same place anyway.

9. Making a Change in Diet

You know shit’s gonna go down when you come home with a bag full of cheeseburgers only to discover your coffee pot has been unceremoniously replaced with a juicer and your entire fridge is full of kale.

10. Waiting to Watch the Next Episode of a Show You’ve Been Binging On

I still haven’t finished Stranger Things because my husband hasn’t “been in the mood” to watch it, and I refuse to be the bad guy who watches it without him and listens to him bitch for three years, so please don’t tell me how it ends.

Sure there are other issues that can cause a rift, like religion or politics, but one of you wanting Taco Bell for dinner and the other wanting KFC? It’s the outcome of those arguments that proves just how strong a relationship is. (#teamtacobell)

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