1. It was raining.
2. I kept getting Facebook notifications.
3. I needed to contemplate my navel in blessed, blessed silence.
4. I turned it on to poop alone, and just never summoned the strength to turn the TV off.
5. The Cat in the Hat is boring.
6. The moon is in Scorpio.
7. I wanted to read a novel in more than five-minute chunks of time.
8. It’s too cold outside.
9. It’s too hot outside.
10. It’s too outside-y outside.
11. I gave them coloring books and crayons so it doesn’t count as TV time.
12. It’s nominally educational-ish or something.
13. I had to hear the voice of another human being, and Mad Men isn’t appropriate for small children.
14. I had to beat the next level in Candy Crush.
15. Daniel Tiger is based on Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood and everyone knows Mr. Rogers doesn’t count as television.
16. I wanted to knit/crochet/decoupage/paint/sew/beat back the existential despair.
17. Three hours is how long it took from me losing my shit to my husband returning from work.
18. I got Fifty Shades on my Kindle.
19. I got Moby Dick on my Kindle.
20. I got Webster’s Dictionary on my Kindle.
21. We had the sniffles.
22. The playdate got canceled.
23. It took that long to wash the dishes.
24. The Play-Doh got all hard and crumbly.
25. I didn’t feel like parenting.
Related post: My Kids Watch Way Too Much TV And I Don’t Care
This article was originally published on