All Hail This Mom Of Twins Who Turns Off WiFi When Her Husband Is Pooping

by Cassandra Stone
FinalWintersEve/Reddit and George Mdivanian/EyeEm/Getty

The Reddit ‘AITA’ community agrees this mom is not, in fact, the asshole

If you are a parent in a cishet relationship and you are not the father, chances are you have felt your blood boiling over your partner’s bathroom usage more than once. Because if there’s one thing dads do universally across the board, it’s hide out on the crapper in order to “get out of” baby duty. One mom — of infant twins, no less — is asking if her way of dealing with her husband’s all-too-convenient pooping times makes her an “asshole.”

In a now-viral Reddit post on ‘AITA’ (Am I The Asshole) subreddit, the mom questions whether it’s wrong of her to turn off the wifi whenever her husband, a man who must surely be on the brink of death for how long his dumps last, spends more time in the bathroom than with their babies.

“Anytime my husband SHOULD be doing something with the children ( it’s his turn for a diaper, a bottle, even just soothing a fussy newborn) he ALWAYS goes to the bathroom first,” she writes.

WHEW GIRL. The only asshole here is your husband, in the figurative and literal sense. This man foists 80% of the childcare of two breastfeeding twins onto his wife so he can do what? Watch old Sopranos clips and videos of people falling on YouTube for a half-hour or more?

The mental and emotional burden of being a mother to two infants simultaneously is a huge one. HUGE. The fact that she felt like she had no choice but to add to that burden by tracking her husband’s time in the bathroom every time he skipped out on caring for the children he helped create is wildly infuriating.

Crazy how once she implemented a “new rule” things changed dramatically! “If he is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, I flip the wifi off,” she writes. “He has not spent more than 15 minutes in the bathroom at a stretch today, but is extremely upset.”

Yes, those data charges rack up pretty quickly! You could just, you know, do your business and wash your hands and get on out of there to be an equal partner in parenting and avoid this entire thing. Or you could be an asshole.

Reddit agrees.

Being a new parent is hard for everyone. Finding downtime to collect yourself and re-center is even harder. But it’s not “downtime” when one parent is consistently in the trenches solo while the other one is literally hiding from his family for 30 minutes or more multiple times per day while his babies are crying.

The bar is literally set at the floor for dads, even in 2020. This guy’s bathroom campout sessions are now at “just” 15 minutes multiple times per day and he’s still unhappy. Unfortunately, this issue is something many, many mothers can relate to.

Here’s to better dads and shorter shit breaks in 2020.