I Am A Person Of Faith Who Had An Abortion

Three years ago, I received life changing news. I had no idea June 30, 2016 would be a day I would remember for the rest of my life. I walked into my OBGYN’s office an excited, pregnant woman. I had absolutely no idea that, in reality, life can be very cruel.

As I waited for the high-risk doctors to evaluate the sweet life inside of me, I cried huge tears while my husband held my hand. He listened to the diagnosis while I barely heard a word. The only clear sentence that still repeats itself to me everyday is: “The prognosis is very poor. You’re going to lose this pregnancy.”

I was 21 years old and the life inside of me was dying.

I was given a ton of paperwork, some “encouraging” words and a lab order to be checked for multiple infections and genetic abnormalities. I was also provided with the risks of continuing this pregnancy and a discreet sticky note with a phone number on the front and a phone number on the back. My doctor, a devout Christian, put his hand on my shoulder and said, “These are the numbers to two abortion clinics. I’ve heard very good things about New Mexico.”

Now, I didn’t call the clinic that day. I went home, cried my heart out and prayed for answers. A dear friend of mine, that I barely knew at the time, drove to my house and picked me up. We drove around as we cried and talked about my options during this scary time. I went back to the hospital the next day for my results which confirmed it was not an infection, but a genetic abnormality of which they were not sure yet. I then spent the weekend with my family, barely eating. It was Fourth of July weekend, but I spent my time sleeping on the couch in unimaginable pain, physically and mentally.

Once Monday came around, I had come to the decision that termination was the best CHOICE for me. On Tuesday, I called the number you see on the sticky note, explained the situation and set an appointment for July 7th.

I spent the following days begging my Lord to just end my misery. Begging Him to make my baby’s heart stop beating so that it could just be over with. Begging for an easy way out so that I wouldn’t have to fear the judgment of others for the choice I was about to make for myself and my family.

You know what He did instead? He blessed me with the most wonderful women at the clinic in New Mexico. You probably imagine these clinics as cold, emotionless places. You’re wrong. The counselor and the doctor ensured me that everything was going to be okay. They talked me through the numerous misconceptions about abortions. They guided me through a horrible experience and gifted me with the sweetest things to remember my boy by.

So, while half of America is shaming women who have made the same decision as me, I will be praying for those women for I know the weight they are carrying. While you may be judging these clinics for the healthcare they provide women like me, I will be singing their praises for doing what most of us ignore. While laws are being created to prosecute women and doctors, I will be sharing the truth of abortion.

Abortion is the healthcare women deserve to have no matter the situation. It is the healthcare I hope we never lose or take for granted. It is the healthcare I pray you never need but have in the event that your life depends on it.

Oh, and, the next time you think it is a good idea to use Facebook to spread hate about a medical topic you probably know little about, remember that you know someone that has had an abortion. Whether you know it or not. There is someone you care about that has made a choice that was best for her, and she does not deserve the hate you are spilling. Whether you believe it is a sin or not, God tells you to love thy neighbor and to not judge. In His eyes, your judgment and hatred are just as big as any sin.