A few years ago, my two oldest children got into a full on argument over who farted. Not that they were trying to place the blame on someone. They were both trying to claim it. And sure, it’s possible that they both farted at the same time. But the real plot twist is this… I’m the one who farted.
No. Just kidding. It was the kids. But who actually farted in this situation is not the point. What I’m trying to get at is that kids argue over some pretty strange stuff. And there are moments when you take a step back as a parent and wonder if there’s something actually wrong with your children.
Thanks to the Internet (bless you, Internet), I was able to ask a bazillion parents this simple question: “Tell me: what is the strangest thing your children have argued over?”
I received several hundred comments, and without further ado here are some of them. They are sure to make you laugh. But most importantly, they will make you realize that all children argue over the strangest stuff. (Names have been removed to protect the innocent.)
“We got a new poop scooper to pick up the dog crap. My kids got into a fight over who got to use it. Once they ran out of dog poop to pick up, one of them actually pooped in the yard. Then they fought over who got to pick that up.” That ended very differently than I’d predicted.
“My 3-year-old is an only child. But she loves to argue with me that she should be allowed to watch me poop. She will seriously get upset and offended if I don’t allow her in when I’m using the bathroom.” Mine just bang on the door like a swat team.
“My husband has to go outside and breakup my boys because they were fighting over a 1-foot square space of snow. We live on an acre of land. There was 10 inches of snow on the ground.”
Of course they did. OF COURSE!
“He’s using MY puke bucket! (Child who was mad was not sick at the time and had no need for a puke bucket).” What a prized possession to argue over.
“My daughter (7 years old) and her friend (8 years old) having an all out screaming, crying, flailing argument over who gets to clean up the dried up cat barf from the rug. Lots of tears. I ended up cleaning up the barf.” Naturally mom ended up cleaning the mess. Epic eye roll.
4. Baby invisible ghost
“My kids argued over a ‘baby invisible ghost’ like full on fight in the grocery store… I told them to give it to me and I slammed ‘it’ down to the ground, stomped on it and now none of them have a baby invisible ghost.”
Sacrifices were made for the sake of peace.
5. Who the moon belongs to
“My husband ‘claims’ things. ‘Look kids there’s Daddy’s moon!,’ ‘Those are daddy’s mountains.’ Of course the kids have picked this up and argue over things like the moon (different phases apparently belong to different members of the household). Also, whose bird/squirrel lives the backyard, whose moose we passed on the side of the road, it goes on and on. Thanks honey!”
(This is what happens when you go ahead and claim the moon.)
6. Who was born first
“My 4-year-old fights with my 6-year-old because it’s not fair that he was born first.”
This makes perfect sense… doesn’t it?
“My 6-year-old and her 6-year-old friend came running to us (the moms) both crying hysterically. It turns out that they’d agreed to run an imaginary race (no running involved) and they’d both won but they didn’t want to share the imaginary trophy and making a second imaginary trophy was completely out of the question.”
This will never be an Olympic sport, kids. NEVER.
“My kids argue over whether or not the youngest is a cyborg. Why does the oldest call his a cyborg….no f-ing clue. Why does it infuriate the youngest to the point of yelling and punching his much older much bigger brother….no f-ing clue. It’s been an on going argument for 5 yrs. Recently I told the both they were robots…dysfunctional ones from off brand cheap company.”
I think there was a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie with this exact plot.
“If ‘20’ is pronounced ‘twenty’ or ‘twenty-zero.’” Of course.
“My three-year-old becomes devastated every time I tell her that the word cat is not the only word that starts with the letter C.” This isn’t really an argument, but I can’t stop laughing. You’re welcome.
10. Stealing belly buttons
“My almost 2-year-old son got in a very heated debate with my 6-year-old daughter about whether or not she was going to steal his belly button.”
That is a serious threat.
11. Good days
“My almost 4 year old and my 10 year old argued over who had a good day because apparently only one of them could have a good day.”
Well, you can’t have too many good days. Or can you?
12. Penis size
“I have boys, and they literally argued over who had the SMALLEST penis because they both wanted the smallest one. They even tried to measure to prove it.”
Did anyone else think of Michelangelo’s David?
“Air. My son and daughter were fighting over the air in the can. He was yelling at her to stop stealing his air.” People say kids fight about nothing, but here it is.
See?! Don’t you feel that all children are cut from the same cloth? Sure, they fight over odd crap. Yeah, it’s normal. Yes, I hate it as much as you. But trust me, you are not alone.