From The Confessional: The Romance Is Dead In My Marriage

by Cassandra Stone
Originally Published: 
Kristina Raudonyte/EyeEm/Getty

RIP Romance — cause of death: marriage

It’s unrealistic to think that the breathless anticipation, passion, and butterflies found at the beginning of a relationship should last a lifetime. But it’s not asking too much that our partners put in a little effort in the romance department, is it? Our confessional is full of unsatisfied spouses wishing their better half would spice things up a bit — some are sad, some are wistful, and some are downright hilarious.

Even if you’ve been in a relationship for more years than you haven’t been, wooing your significant other shouldn’t come to an end after the sizzle has fizzled out a bit.

BRB, making “farmer blowing” its own entry into Urban Dictionary. Because there isn’t a woman alive who isn’t familiar with that foghorn blow.

Many other confessions were heartbreaking in their honesty about how much romantic gestures and reciprocity are needed in a relationship.

Confessional #25757493

“IMO, if men truly romanced women & freely gave their attention & affection, the women would give the men more sex than they knew what to do with. But a woman freely giving a man amazing sex will gain her absolutely nothing from him, he’ll just take.”

Confessional #25753895

“I don’t want to give up our comfortable life. I wish I could tell him I’ll stay if we have an open marriage. I want passion, sex, romance, love, orgasms…all the things he doesn’t give me. But I know he won’t go for it. So I guess divorce it is.”

A common theme among those who are feeling like they’re doomed to a mundane marriage for eternity is that they feel like they can’t communicate their desires to their partners. According to Psychology Today, the most common barrier to authentic relationship intimacy is ineffective communication. Despite all the information on this subject, many couples still struggle to truly understand what each partner is trying to express in terms of what they want.

Confessional #25749048

“Dude was a giant letdown this weekend. Over, and over, and over again. I need a man to romance me, in a bad way. Husband puts in zero effort on anything for my sake, to make me feel nice, to take care of me. Fully unattracted to the big child.”

The use of electronics has also contributed to a lack of intimacy in relationships in more ways than one. Sure, technology offers us a quick way to get in touch with our partners. It also offers us a great way to distract ourselves from one another. How many of us end each night on our phones, sitting separately from one another? So much for sexy time after the kids are asleep, right? We’ve gotta catch up on the ‘gram!

Making it a point to spend time with one another outside of your everyday routine has all the makings for some romantic one-on-one time, right? Mmm… not always.

Confessional #25466867

Went on vacation with H, no romance lackluster barely nonexistent sex. I was made more aware of my pathetic marriage by being surrounded by couples who actually liked each other. I literally just spent money on making myself feel worse.

Comparison is the thief of joy, there are literally no truer words. Especially when it feels like every couple around you has everything together and you feel like your marriage is falling apart as a result.

After having kids, especially as a new mom, it’s so hard to feel good about yourself and your new body. Adjusting is such a bitch, isn’t it? And you’re so tired, so busy, and just so consumed with having a tiny human to care for that sex and romance can fall to the bottom of the list. Sometimes we need our partners to initiate, damn it.

Confessional #24864448

I feel like everything is just over. My childbearing experience is over. The youngest years and preschool are over. My hot body is over. My natural brown beautiful hair is over. Career growth, over. Romance, over. I’m only 33. Is it really over so soon?

Sometimes nostalgia gets the best of us. We long for a time when our lives were far less complicated, or for that first spark of feelings and emotions that make us tingle nonstop at the beginning of a new relationship.

Don’t let anyone ever try to convince you that escapism doesn’t work. Because that shit is necessary sometimes.

Confessional #24621202

I really miss the excitement & passion of a new romance. I love my H. But it’s been such a long time. A first kiss. That would be awesome.

Sigh. If you can relate to any of these feelings, thoughts, or desires — you’re not alone. And if the communication with your partner isn’t happening, there’s always the Peter Kavinskys of the fictional world. They won’t ever let you down.

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