This year, you’re totally going to make use of your holiday school break with the kids—fun, enriching, family time aplenty. Well, till about the third day, or the second. After that, use some of these ideas to put the “fun” back in “functionally equivalent to a lunatic asylum.”
1. Find the Remote Control!
Sick of your kids watching TV while you, like Cinderella without the 24-inch waist, clean up their messes? Hide the remote underneath one of the piles of clothes in their rooms and watch the fun ensue. The only way to get back to steady passive consumption is by cleaning your room. Insert Cruella de Vil laugh here.
2. Playdate Central
If you have all the kids’ friends over at once, then you build up reciprocal good will with their parents, and you get to send them all to other people’s houses later in the week. At least that’s how it’s supposed to work. Why don’t I see any text messages from these people? Don’t they have any common courtesy?!
3. Pinterest Time
Hey guys, let’s make New Year’s decorations out of aluminum foil, pine cones, string, melted crayons, seashells, paper towel tubes, fabric scraps, pipe cleaners, plastic wrap—and fine, just bring out the printer paper and markers again and make “Happy New Year” signs. If I find the Scotch tape, I’ll hang them, but no promises.
4. Family Meal Prep
Okay, you guys are old enough to make dinner once a week. Yes, it can be sandwiches. No, I can’t get out the bread. That’s the point. What do you mean there’s nothing in the fridge? Look at all that food. Ketchup sandwiches aren’t a thing, guys. Look, just go watch a movie or something, and I’ll tell you when dinner’s ready.
5. Fun Family Exercise Time
What better way to combat the excesses of the holiday season than a fun family physical activity? Let’s play football in the yard. Where’s Daddy? Get off the couch, hon. Where’s everyone’s coats? Is that black ice outside? God, it’s cold. Fine, let’s just make hot cocoa. And cookies.
6. Countdown Till the First Day of School
Guys, I’m going to miss having you home so much! But I know you must be excited to get back to your normal routine, where you get to grocery shop alone and—I mean, see your friends and learn new things! Only 135 hours left! That wasn’t a happy dance. What do you mean? I just have an itch.