You’re Going To Want This Magical Pillow Right F*cking Now

We want a dozen of these sequined, sweary pillows

Sequin “mermaid” pillows are a thing, but you haven’t seen their true splendor until you’ve laid eyes on one with the very best word ever emblazoned across the front.

Fucking right. These special f-word pillows hold hidden messages to tell everyone how you really feel about peopling during the holidays, but they’re not what they first appear to be. And that’s exactly what makes them so great.

I’m nowhere near fancy enough to have a guest room, nor am I hosting anyone overnight for holidays. But if I were, these crass throw pillows would be on whatever couch I let my guests chill on (I do have two couches — I’m at least that fancy.)

This version, through Etsy shop Snarky Bean, sports the perfect blend of understated, yet sparkly, and an honest sentiment for anyone who truly can’t stand other humans.

Fuck yeah. The message is amazing, but it’s getting there that’s half the fun. What appears to be simply a very shimmery pillow is actually a message from the very depths of your soul to all who enter your room and sit on your couch cushions.

I enjoy and need this one very much, because “fuck off” to those who say December 7th purchases are deemed “last minute Christmas shopping.” They need to see this pillow so bad.

You can also pillow-message the feeling a person brings along with them. After all, one need not even open their mouths to release a crappy aura into your space. So fill that space with these perfect pillows so they hear you without a word being spoken.

And when there’s really no love lost between you and a certain holiday houseguest (*cough* your mother-in-law *cough*) there’s only one option.

Unfortunately you can’t get this hilarious one shipped to the U.S., but it was too cute not to include. The font. The art. Please figure out how to get this to us.

Same deal with this beauty. Have a meeting to hash out a plan to ship these overseas, pronto, because we ALL know a Mike or three who needs this pillow.

Happy hosting, y’all. Except Mike, obviously.