Remember Sex Before Children?

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

Do you remember sex before children?

I remember having sex on my couch at three in the afternoon, and that would be after the good morning sex I had earlier that day.

Ahhh, those were the days.

Nowadays my husband can forget about sex multiple times a day; hell, if I’m talking honestly, he can forget about it happening multiple times a week. If he gets lucky, we’re on a once a week schedule, and that’s being very lucky. Very.

I have four children under the age of seven. I am freaking exhausted. It’s all I can do to stay on top of the laundry and the dishes, then at night I’m expected to stay on top of Eric too? Not going to happen.

At least it’s not going to happen with the old frequency.

Before children, sex would take hours; now if we go past 20 minutes, I’m impressed. Honestly, we know each other so well we can bang it out rather quickly. Speed sex; why stretch it out? I have to be up at six with the baby. Also, I always have an ear out for a child to coming running into our room and ruin everything anyway. There have been a few times that Eric has literally thrown me off of him after spying a shadow, but at least none of the kids will be in therapy after witnessing that. How passionate can I possibly be if I’m constantly worried that I’m going to be interrupted? If by chance we do remember to lock the door, I still have to be quiet since the baby’s in our room now.

I just can’t win. And neither can he.

Let’s not even talk about sex with the lights on. This poor body has been wrecked by four c-sections and four hungry children who have each claimed my breasts as their own, leaving my once perky C cups into saggy D cups. My belly has that oh-so-sexy hang of flab that just hangs over my scar and I’m riddled with faded stretch marks. I know, it’s the picture of hotness.

I miss the old sex. I miss the sexy undies and lacey not-quite-covering-anything nighties. I miss the nights I would throw on the itty bitty cheerleader costume. (Oh, yes, I rocked the shit out of that costume!) I miss coming home from work knowing that night all my tension would be gone.

I wonder how other mothers do it all. It’s not that I don’t have the desire anymore, it’s that the desire to sleep wins out.

So, I’d like to know: Is everyone else as exhausted as me? Are they putting on a happy face and going through the motions, or is it possible to really get your sex life back after children?

Because that’s all I really want.

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