If You Never Feel Sexy Any More, Here’s How To Get Your Mojo Back

by Elisha Beach
Originally Published: 
Reza Estakhrian/Getty

Ohhh, pandemic life. Wearing leggings and sweatshirts 24/7, hair in some makeshift style, showerless days — it all adds up to feeling like a hot mess … minus the hot. Feeling sexy seems like a long-lost memory, and you wonder if you will ever feel sexy again. The good news is, you are not alone, and you can definitely get your sexy back.

You are stressed, trying to balance an impossible load, and exhausted. Mothering, schooling your kids, work duties, and just plain surviving are overwhelming your psyche. There is little to no room for anything else. You just don’t have the energy to flip the switch from tired, overworked mom to the sexy vixen. Moreover, it seems impossible to find the energy or desire for sex.

Everyone has bad days. But these days feel never-ending. Add on top of that lack of variety in your day, a more sedentary lifestyle, being around your partner 24/7, and lack of opportunity to have sex. Any feeling of sexy you used to have seems like a distant memory. And all you can do is reminisce about what it felt like to look in the mirror and like what you see looking back at you.

First of all, women’s libido and feelings of sensuality fluctuate regularly. And fatigue, change in lifestyle habits, stress, anxiety, loss of connection with your partner, and more can all contribute to these fluctuations. That’s just everyday life.

However, the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has conducted several studies on the impact of COVID-19. Researchers found that the more stressed, disconnected, or lonely a person felt, the greater the negative effect on their sex life. They also observed that 24 percent of married people reported having less frequent sex since the pandemic began, and 17 percent of women reported a decrease in both sexual and emotional satisfaction since the start of the pandemic.

In other words, this is totally normal. The sexy feelings you used to have are still there; you just may need to work a little harder to find them. And frankly, you aren’t obligated to feel sexy if you don’t feel like it. The thing about sexiness is it’s not just something you can turn on and off at will. But if you miss it, here are a few things you can do to get your sexy back.

Dress the part

Ditch the sweats or leggings and put on something that makes you feel desirable. It doesn’t have to be anything over the top or uncomfortable. It can be a cute maxi dress hiding in the back of your closet or a satin pajama set. Sometimes looking good on the outside helps you feel better on the inside.

Buy new undergarments

The granny panties you bought yourself to get through postpartum that come up to your belly button need to go. And if your period panties have become your everyday panties, it’s time for an upgrade. Crummy underwear don’t exactly help you feel like a hot momma. Buy yourself some nice undergarments that don’t come 5 to a pack and feel soft against your skin.

Watch or read something sexy

Grab a romance novel or binge-watch something hot. It’s a fun way to escape the monotony of your day and rev your senses a little. You can even take it up a notch and ask your partner to read along with you or meet on the couch after the kids go to bed and pick something hot to watch together.


Don’t groan; just try it. Most people don’t find exercise to be fun or relaxing. But whether you like it or not, there is no denying it is good for you. It helps release endorphins, which can increase your libido and help you connect to your body more. Not to mention it can increase energy levels throughout the day and lead to better sleep at night.

Get away

Being that home is the source of stress for many of us right now, the answer may be to get away from it all. Whether it’s by yourself or with your partner, a night in a hotel or an escape to a local Airbnb may be exactly what you need to get your mojo back.

Plan sex

Let’s be realistic, with kids running around the house 24/7, trying to balance work schedules, and keeping your home from looking like a disaster area… who has time for sex?!?! Making a plan to have sex isn’t the sexiest thing. But if that’s what it takes to make time for sex, then do it. It may be awkward at first, but once you get things going, you can just relax into the moment and enjoy yourself.

Breathe and relax

These days it’s easy to run around from sun up to sun down in a constant state of stress or anxiety. But it’s essential to find time in the day to intentionally breathe and relax. You will find your shoulders dropping a bit, your jaw unclenching, and maybe even your mood lightening. Besides, it’s tough to feel sexy when you don’t feel relaxed.

Don’t compare yourself to others

Different people have different definitions of sexy and different libidos. It’s not fair to yourself to measure your sexy against some ideal rather than your norm. Try to remember your sex drive and sensuality pre-pandemic and use that as your barometer to get back to your normal.

Get a good night’s sleep

Lack of sleep directly affects your libido. It can also contribute to the deregulation of your hormones. And we all know what can happen when hormones are all out of whack, and there is nothing sexy about it. A good night’s sleep prevents improves your mood and increases energy levels. So be sure to get some shut-eye.

Turn your cell phone off

That little phone has a lot of distractions. Spending some time unplugged every day can help you connect more to yourself and that special someone. And stop bringing your cell phone to bed. It is easy to waste hours scrolling through nothing important when you could spend some intimate time with yourself or the person next to you.


There is nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself. Some would even advocate it should be a regular practice. Go the old-fashioned route, grab a toy, or take advantage of your showerhead. The key is, it’s purely for your pleasure, and you can focus on what makes you feel good.

The flip side of this is to simply honor the fact that sex or feeling sexy is not your priority right now. Your mind may need to focus on preserving your mental and physical health or balancing all the things that are on your plate right now. And that is ok.

Forcing yourself to feel something that is just not there isn’t going to help anyone. Do what works for you, and get your sexy back at your own pace.

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