'Silent' Bridal Showers: Skip The Party And Just Ask For Money

by Maria Guido
Originally Published: 

Getting married? Why go through the hassle of throwing an actual bridal shower, when you can just send out cards demanding money?

A Redditor posted this invitation her friend received to a “silent bridal shower.” Apparently, this is a thing now. I always thought bridal showers were luncheons where women ate sandwiches with no crusts and gifted lingerie. Not according to this invitation:

“Let’s Celebrate a Silent Shower! There is no party, no guests, no bride and no boxed gifts. Simply buy a shower greeting card, enclose a check made out to X or X for whatever amount you wish. Then, put your card in the enclosed addressed envelop [sic] and mail to X. All envelops [sic] will be placed in a gift box, wrapped and sent to the newlyweds.”

Asking someone to write a check and stick it in an envelope is a very loose definition of the word “celebrate.” That’s actually the definition of “bill paying.” That is not a celebration.

There’s an unspoken understanding that wedding guests will gift the bride and groom. But the key here is “unspoken.” It’s certainly not a requirement, and beyond the tradition of a registry, it’s not something that should be outwardly demanded. Certain social mores that exist for a reason. We’ve been pretending showers are social, celebratory events for years. No reason to stop now.

If you are inviting guests to your wedding, they know you’re expecting a gift: no need to literally spell it out. Weddings are getting over-the-top expensive for everyone involved — not just the bride and groom. Some couples are making huge investments in their wedding day, and there’s an underlying sense that’s starting to surface that they feel entitled to get something “back” in the form of gifts or money.

Actually sending a letter saying “send checks here” is just… odd. It says, “I don’t want the hassle of planning a bridal shower or setting up a registry, but I still want your money.”


Related post: Why You Should Invite Kids To Your Wedding

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