Remember when you were a kid and your parents finally pulled out the artificial Christmas tree from either the garage or the attic? It was a magical moment. Sure, the box was dusty and the used branches looked a little worn and kind of flat, but hey — Christmas is the most wonderful time of year! Not even a flat, fake Christmas tree could keep you down.
Now that you’re the adult in the room, that’s all about to change. Even if you choose an artificial tree in lieu of a real one, your tree is serving volume, realism, and faux snow so real-looking even Santa will question if it’s freshly chopped.
There will be no decorating until there’s a tree, so get shopping, Mama! Keep reading to check out 10 of the best artificial Christmas trees for 2019.
THE CLASSIC “FAKE” TREE
It’s not the fake Christmas tree of your childhood, mama. That 80s-90s era thing was scary (and probably emitted toxic chemicals or some sh*t). This hinged artificial pine tree has all the look of a real pine tree just chopped from the xmas tree farm. It’s full, fluffy — and hey, if you want it to smell like the real deal, just pick up some of that balsam spray or light a candle!
IF YOU’RE DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS
PRELIT, NO HASSLE
You know that funny, spoof version of “The 12 Days of Christmas?” Don’t be the guy trying to hang up the lights who sounds like his blood pressure is rising to dangerous heart attack levels. Instead, opt for a prelit artificial tree, like this one, which is pre-strung with 700 UL listed dual color lights. They change from white to multicolor and are low voltage, so you don’t have to have environmental anxiety about the energy it’s exerting. To top it off, it’s non-allergenic too, so no one in your house will be coughing or sniffing because of it.
NARROW, BUT STILL FULL
Listen, we don’t all have the square footage the Kardashian homes do, so if you have to go for the smaller, narrower version, then don’t sweat it. The BH Fraser Fir Narrow is still full as can be; it just fits better into tighter spaces. It’s slender, sure, but just as festive and real-looking thanks to Easy Plug setup and True Needle technology. Guests will be doing double-takes for sure trying to figure out if this tree is real.
GO FOR THE GREEN
If you’re into a more abstract look for your artificial Christmas tree, this one by GoPlus is made from high-quality PVC material, which makes it look real, full, and also adds anti-crush capacity to the tree. (That’s key for storing it away during the other months, but it’s also key for ornaments not weighing down the branches.)
FIR, SNOW, AND PINECONES — OH MY!
If your home decor goals for Christmas include transforming your house into a smaller version of the Yankee Candle headquarters in Massachusetts, then this is the tree you need for sure. It’s 6.5 feet high, works either indoor or outdoor, and features subtly snow-flocked tips and realistic-looking pinecones. All you need is an automatic snowfall that generates every half hour and it’s like you’re living at YC!
IT’S A WHITE-OUT
Hear us out: the all-white artificial Christmas tree is not for everyone but if you can rock it, then f*cking rock it, Mama! With a total of 1,200 white tips (that’s a lot of tips), the pine branches are strong enough to hold even the heaviest and most fragile of ornaments without any glass-shattering accidents. It comes with a sturdy metal stand and best of all, there’s no clean-up involved because duh — these pine needles don’t fall!
OFFICE DESKS DESERVE DECORATING, TOO
Sorry, but if you fully intend on decorating your home but not your office desk, then we don’t trust you. Office cubicles need loving too, especially during the most wonderful time of the year. Keep it simple (but still cute) with this adorable tabletop Christmas tree from MAYOUE. It’s inexpensive, it’s festive, and it may just brighten up your workday around that 4 pm productivity slump. (If the tree doesn’t work, we recommend coffee.)
NO WINTER BLUES HERE
Um, a blue tree? First of all, it’s navy, okay, and second of all, if it seems jarring at first, we promise you you’ll get used to it. The navy blue tree is actually one of TreeTopia’s best-selling models and it’s very well-rated. The midnight-blue tree features dark needles and strong branches that support any weight of ornaments and the clear lights are pre-strung, giving the tree a kind of dark-sky-dotted-with-twinkling-stars effect. You know, a la the Great Hall at Hogwarts. Whatever the case, we’re into it.
JUST A FLURRY OF SNOW
Guests will send a flurry of compliments your way as they try to figure out if this artificial tree is real. After a few glasses of peppermint Schnapps, it’s gonna start looking really real, believe us. With realistic snow-flocking, this Senjie tree can be used either indoors or outdoors, but the company doesn’t recommend leaving it outside on rainy days. It takes maybe about 4 minutes to set up, so by the end of “Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays” by NSYNC*, you’ll have your tree up and ready for decorating. #Win.