Scary Mommy

These Sweary Candles Will Comfort Any Mom When Sh*t Gets Real

December 5, 2019 Updated February 22, 2020

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Nothing feels better during the holiday season than nailing the perfect gift for everyone on your list. The look on the face of your giftee when she rips through the wrapping paper or peers into the darkness of a gift bag that says, “Holy shit, you totally know me.” Truly priceless.

And if you’re shopping for someone who would use expletives to express their gratitude for Christmas presents, the Scary Mommy Shop is the place to do it. Since 2018, we’ve been building a catalogue of new and cool brands (mostly women-owned) that align with the point of view, passions, and mission of Scary Mommy.

From sweary candles to badass mugs to clothes that speak her mind without saying a word, this collection of curated gifts is sure to bring a tear to her eye and a “You f*cking shouldn’t have!” to her lips. You’re welcome.

Ryan Porter: Girl, You Need to Calm Down candle

Breathe in the zen oozing from this candle the next time you feel like throwing away every toy you trip over on your way to getting coffee.

$29 AT SCARY MOMMY SHOP

Scary Mommy: You Are a Queen candle

Remind yourself of your royal status the next time you’re cleaning up a diaper blowout in the back seat of your car.

$28 AT SCARY MOMMY SHOP

Chez Gagné: I Love My Family I Love My Family - Gold Foil Stemless Wine Glass

Need a mantra? Here’s one to put on repeat the next time a fight breaks out at the dinner table over which Fortnite characters are the coolest.

$15 AT SCARY MOMMY SHOP

Scary Mommy: One Strong Mother monochromatic hoodie

Some days I show my strength by lugging the kids AND the groceries up the steps. Some days I show it by kicking ass at the gym, before kicking ass at work. And some days (aka most days), I show it by just getting out of bed and dealing with all the things, all the time.

$42 AT SCARY MOMMY

Chez Gagné: Increasing Your Wine to In-Law Ratio Wine & Spirit Tag

This tag makes it perfectly clear what your gift should be used for.

$4 AT SCARY MOMMY SHOP

Chez Gagné: Chill the Fuck Out Letterpress Art Print

Instead of yelling all the time (because sore throats), hang this up on the wall and point to it silently with a menacing look on your face the next time your kids get rowdy. Maybe do that ‘I’m watching you’ thing with your fingers, too.

$22 AT SCARY MOMMY SHOP

Scary Mommy: Badass Mama heart camper mug

Think of the toughest, meanest, baddest person you know. Now think of the one person they’re afraid of. Yup…it’s their mom. We’re all badasses. Don’t mess with us.

$16 AT SCARY MOMMY SHOP

Scary Mommy: Strong Women Raise Strong Women stars camper mug

There’s a fine line when it comes to raising a daughter. We want our little girls to be kind, but we also want them to know that they can throat-punch someone if they need to.

$16 AT SCARY MOMMY SHOP

Scary Mommy: Not the Worst Mom handstamped keychain

Being the hashtag BestMomEver is hashtag LifeGoals! Aaaaand then reality hits, and the bar lowers a little erryday. It’s fine. Just remember, there’s always someone out there screwing it up even worse than you are!

$16 AT SCARY MOMMY

Although we only recommend picks we really love, we may earn a commission on purchases made through links from our site.
SHOP THE STORY
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Ryan Porter: Girl, You Need to Calm Dow...
$29
Scary Mommy: You Are a Queen candle
$28
Chez Gagné: I Love My Family I Love My ...
$15
Chez Gagné: Mommy's Sippy Cup - Gold Fo...
$15
Scary Mommy: One Strong Mother monochrom...
$42
Chez Gagné: Increasing Your Wine to In-...
$4
Chez Gagné: Chill the Fuck Out Letterpr...
$22
Scary Mommy: Badass Mama heart camper mu...
$16
Scary Mommy: Strong Women Raise Strong W...
$16
Scary Mommy: Not the Worst Mom handstamp...
$16
Scary Mommy: First Wife keychain
$14