Being a stepparent is hard AF, but for many stepmoms in our Confessional, it goes deeper than that
Let’s face it: being a stepparent is no walk in the park. Entering into marriage with someone you love is one thing (and that’s no easy feat either), but taking on their children and the baggage of your spouse’s past — even if we all have one — can be fraught with stress, tension, and resentment.
Stepfamilies are part of the norm, and become more so each year in the U.S. The majority of families in this country have shifted from the “strictly” biological to divorced and remarried or re-partnered relationships. Though being a stepmom might be a commonality, it’s far from easy. The “evil stepmother” stereotype will likely always persist, partly because of the pain of young children who don’t know how to project it any other way, and partly because some stepmoms might play into it (many do not, of course).
Forcing a family structure is a breeding ground for resentment, though. From the kids, and from the stepparents themselves. Frustration abounds, miscommunication thrives, and before you know it everyone’s unhappy. That’s not always the case with stepfamilies, but it sure can be.
Bottom line: love takes years to develop. Sometimes in stepfamilies, love doesn’t ever develop between a stepparent and stepchild. And that happens. Stepparents should not feel, or be made to feel, guilty for not instantly loving their stepkids. When they do, that guilt, particularly if it goes unaddressed or processed, can really sink into deep-seated resentment.
I don't hate my stepkids, but this marriage would be a lot easier if he didn't have kids with his ex wife.
I resent having to spend even a dollar on stepkids
Had to pass on a wonderful opportunity working in Europe because of stepkids. I hope I won't come to regret it. It sting already... Step-parent life can be a real bitch. All the sacrifices to be with their wonderful dad...
Having to make sacrifices for your spouse’s children is tough. Tough AF.
As a childless only child I was so happy to move in with stepkids. I didn't know how detached I would feel and how I would sometimes rage inside. This shit is hard
I don't hate my stepkids or wish them any harm. I just wish they didn't exist, is all. I know, I know. If someone else said that, I'd be the asshole sanctimoniously crowing "well, you knew he had kids when you married him". I am a hypocrite.
My stepkids are the biggest downers. I really don't like when they're here and stink up my house with their shitty energy.
It’s also worth noting that having to adapt to one way of living without your spouse’s kids around to living with them (if you don’t have them full-time) has to be stressful in its own way.
I don't want my stepkids around as much. They're sweet, but I need time with my husband. Their mom tries to interfere in our lives, and uses the kids to do it. I'm tired of the whole mess.
After years of wishing my kid & stepkids were closer in age, I’m now really glad they’re not. SKs are horrifically behaved, have questionable morals, and are assholes. If I never saw them or they never interacted with my kid ever again, itd be fine w me.
I'm ashamed to admit this now, but H having to pay child support, which in turn made me have to join the workforce & not get to be a SAHM for my own kids like I had planned, made me resent the fuck out of my stepkids when they were little.
The financial strain of child support seems to have a lot of moms on the edge, too.
While I have nothing against my stepkids, if I had known beforehand the financial stress H's child support payments would cause, I would've said no.
I'm glad the stepkids are grown, and that child support & visitation are a thing of the past. Every other weekend I felt like my nest was being trampled on by another hen's chicks & I hated it. Will never tell H this, though.
I will always be resentful of the fact that I wasn't able to be a SAHM to my kids because of H's child support payments. Just one of the many ways the stepkids have fucked my shit up over the years. :(
Once when the stepkids were little, stepson announced at dinner "when mommy gets her paychecks from daddy, her & her bf go to Reno for the weekend & we get to stay with Grandma". The look on H's face! This is why some men hate paying their child support.
Bottom line: being a stepparent isn’t for everyone.
I was so fucking relieved years ago when H tried to go for full custody of the stepkids & didn't get it. I honestly think that would've ended us.